Thursday, May 20, 2010

Happy Anniversary Rico



This is my first husband. His name was Rico Suave. Tragically, he disappeared in a shaving accident soon after we were married. He was such a romantic, always bringing me flowers and cards, taking me to Broadway plays where we sat right up front, taking me out on dates. We were so happy.

I met Gary the day that Rico disappeared. They were so much alike except Gary didn't have a mustache and was much more practical. I was pregnant with Christopher at the time so it was very important to Gary that we save all of our money. No more dates, flowers or plays. He even decided that it would be a good idea to use the money his parents gave us as a wedding present (to go to Hawaii) to remodel our kitchen.

Sometimes, I think Rico has come back. Like one day Gary called just to see how I was doing. I was thinking "how sweet of him" when I heard the toilet flush. "Are you in the bathroom?!" Then he swept me off my feet when he said he thought he'd call while he was taking a potty break. "You know me...I just thought I'd kill 2 birds with one stone." No more romantic words have ever been spoken!

This past Monday we celebrated our 19th wedding anniversary. I have a vase full of beautiful yellow flowers sitting on my table and a nice card sitting by my bedside. The best present Gary gave me though, was when he said that I could sleep in while he got the kids ready for school. I have never received a nicer present. He even surprised me by letting me sleep in every day this week. I am so spoiled!!

Happy Anniversary Rico. I hardly missed you at all this year.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

I Didn't Know He Got Shot That Soon

Friday night I walked into the living room just as Carson witnessed his very first assassination. Ghandi was shot while my cute little innocent boy watched. He did not protest as I rushed him out of the room while glaring at my husband. Carson was looking a little sleepy (or traumatized, I'm not sure which) so I got him ready for bed. He snuggled in bed while I rubbed his back and watched his cute little eyes roll up in his head and then close...for about 5 seconds. Apparently, that was enough sleep for him. Next thing I knew, he had crawled under the covers to the end of the bed, poked his little head out and said "hi mom"! I think someone put Red Bull in his juice! Within 5 minutes he had gone from snoozing to jumping and throwing himself onto the bed in fits of laughter. I finally had to resort to drastic measures. I put on my pjs, turned out the lights, and climbed into bed. So much for a little computer time, that kid had worn me out. While Ghandi blared in the background I bored him to sleep.

Monday To-do list: Get Gary and Chris' hearing checked. Throw out the TV. Find out what's in that juice.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Remember Who You Are

Dear Heavenly Father,

I'm angry today. It all started last night when I told Gary what he would be doing for the weekend and he said something like "if I had said that to you..." which of course is right, but how dare he call me on it. So, I quit talking to him for the rest of the night. I also did not fold his laundry! So there! This morning I woke up in a mood. A get-out-of-my-face-leave-me-alone-get-yourself-ready-for-school-or-else kind of mood. No one in this house gets my mood language though so after getting the kids on the bus I left. As I left, I asked Gary to please not lock the door when he left because I didn't have a key. He YELLED...JUST TO BE ON THE SAFE SIDE, I'LL LEAVE THE BACK DOOR UNLOCKED. Thanks dear, now everyone in town knows our back door is unlocked. I went for a walk with my sansa clip playing Mercy River. Surely they could lighten my mood. Not today, so I got mad at them too and turned.them.off! I listened to Brad Paisley sing "Online" instead. Humph!

As I walked, I made a long mental list of why my life stinks. Count my blessings...hah! Counting life's gross injustices is so much better in these kinds of situations. I listed every bad thing I could think of from being depressed ALL MY LIFE to the fact that at one point I had red hair, freckles, glasses, aannnd braces all at the same time! Come on! Really?!! Some people had braces but were beautiful blonds, some had freckles but they were cute little ones right on top of the nose. Was it really necessary to put the top 4 curses of childhood all on one little body?! Then, the "cherry on top"?! Make her a social outcast and put her right smack dab in the middle of two beautiful and talented sisters! Not nice...not nice at all.

The next thing on my list? I am such a horrible person that no one even wants to be my friend. Why can't I have just one good friend? Someone that will go with me to the mall and tell me what not to wear?! I'm not asking to be popular just one good friend?! I mean, I know I'm cranky and sad all the time but isn't there one person that could love a grouch like me? Even Oscar (the grouch) and Eeyore (the donkey) have a few good friends. I know...to have a friend, you have to be a friend. Blah, blah, blah.

Couldn't I at least have a talent or two? I know I can paint, and sing, and play the piano. Everyone can do that though. I mean a really good talent. Something that would make people take notice and be amazed! My sisters have talents like that, why couldn't I?!

Oh, and while we are on the subject of me...couldn't I have a naturally fast metabolism? I want to eat chocolate and unhealthy food, not exercise, but still be skinny. Workout?! I don't want to have to workout! Can't you do this one thing for me? You know since You "shortchanged" me on everything else!

I also want to be the most spiritual woman at church. Praying and reading my scriptures? I have to do that? Why? Can't You just give me that knowledge? I pray sometimes, like right now when I'm angry. You want me to serve others?! Even Gary and the kids? Do you see how they treat me?! I don't see the point! I can see this little chat is getting me no where. I'll just go back to my list of why my life stinks. AMEN!

Dear Shanon,

Since you didn't take time to listen for an answer to your prayer, I will try to reach you some other way. Maybe while you are on Facebook, I can get your attention with the LDS Seminary link. There are a couple of good Mormon messages you need to hear.






I love you dear daughter of mine. Heavenly Father

I have no other words, except I am humbled and grateful.

Monday, May 10, 2010

The Lady of the House is Withdrawing

I went off all of my medicines.

Cold turkey.

You should never do that!

I know better!

I did it anyway.

I have been in a self-induced "detox" for 10 days now.

I have not laughed so much in years! That's great?! You're happy for me?! The problem is, the things I laugh at aren't funny! Your dog died? Funny! Your house burned down? Ha Ha! You fell and broke your leg? Hysterical! Car crashes? Stop it...you're killing me!

I now have a potty mouth! I can count on one hand (okay...maybe two) how many times I have said anything stronger than "darn" in my entire life! All of a sudden...my word...I'm startin' to talk like a sailor! Only in my head though. Oh...and the rant that Gary was so lucky to hear today when he called to say hi and ask if he could talk to Chris. "H*** no you can't talk to Chris...I am busy right now." I just know he is so happy to be married to such a sweet girl!

I can't stand the sight of....wait for it...CHOCOLATE! Yes, I said chocolate. The girl with the year's supply of chocolate cannot stand the sight of it. Emily made brownies for Mother's day. My brownie was still sitting there today and I finally gave it to the kids. I have had a MEDIUM size bag of M&Ms for over a week now. Two weeks ago, I would have inhaled those suckers in seconds! Good news, though, I've lost a few pounds!

Guess what I've been craving!! Go ahead...guess!! I can wait! Vegetables. Yes, VEGETABLES! I've eaten celery, carrots, potatoes, corn, onions, lettuce, beans....and I didn't even gag! I might have even liked them, but shhh don't tell Gary. Today I was looking for fruit to eat for a snack!

I think hell has frozen over! Darn!! There I go again! If you'll excuse me, I need to go wash my mouth out with soap!

PS Emily just came in and said "mom, do you remember when I had a urinal infection last year?" I was laughing so hysterically I couldn't even tell Gary the story. He didn't think it was that funny. Oh, well.

PSS I was not laughing that Emily had an infection, but that she called it a urinal infection.

PSSS You might want to stay as far away from me as possible this week.

PSSSS If I laugh at your tragedies please forgive me and know that I am crying on the inside.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010