Remember Who You Are

Dear Heavenly Father,

I'm angry today. It all started last night when I told Gary what he would be doing for the weekend and he said something like "if I had said that to you..." which of course is right, but how dare he call me on it. So, I quit talking to him for the rest of the night. I also did not fold his laundry! So there! This morning I woke up in a mood. A get-out-of-my-face-leave-me-alone-get-yourself-ready-for-school-or-else kind of mood. No one in this house gets my mood language though so after getting the kids on the bus I left. As I left, I asked Gary to please not lock the door when he left because I didn't have a key. He YELLED...JUST TO BE ON THE SAFE SIDE, I'LL LEAVE THE BACK DOOR UNLOCKED. Thanks dear, now everyone in town knows our back door is unlocked. I went for a walk with my sansa clip playing Mercy River. Surely they could lighten my mood. Not today, so I got mad at them too and turned.them.off! I listened to Brad Paisley sing "Online" instead. Humph!

As I walked, I made a long mental list of why my life stinks. Count my blessings...hah! Counting life's gross injustices is so much better in these kinds of situations. I listed every bad thing I could think of from being depressed ALL MY LIFE to the fact that at one point I had red hair, freckles, glasses, aannnd braces all at the same time! Come on! Really?!! Some people had braces but were beautiful blonds, some had freckles but they were cute little ones right on top of the nose. Was it really necessary to put the top 4 curses of childhood all on one little body?! Then, the "cherry on top"?! Make her a social outcast and put her right smack dab in the middle of two beautiful and talented sisters! Not nice...not nice at all.

The next thing on my list? I am such a horrible person that no one even wants to be my friend. Why can't I have just one good friend? Someone that will go with me to the mall and tell me what not to wear?! I'm not asking to be popular just one good friend?! I mean, I know I'm cranky and sad all the time but isn't there one person that could love a grouch like me? Even Oscar (the grouch) and Eeyore (the donkey) have a few good friends. I know...to have a friend, you have to be a friend. Blah, blah, blah.

Couldn't I at least have a talent or two? I know I can paint, and sing, and play the piano. Everyone can do that though. I mean a really good talent. Something that would make people take notice and be amazed! My sisters have talents like that, why couldn't I?!

Oh, and while we are on the subject of me...couldn't I have a naturally fast metabolism? I want to eat chocolate and unhealthy food, not exercise, but still be skinny. Workout?! I don't want to have to workout! Can't you do this one thing for me? You know since You "shortchanged" me on everything else!

I also want to be the most spiritual woman at church. Praying and reading my scriptures? I have to do that? Why? Can't You just give me that knowledge? I pray sometimes, like right now when I'm angry. You want me to serve others?! Even Gary and the kids? Do you see how they treat me?! I don't see the point! I can see this little chat is getting me no where. I'll just go back to my list of why my life stinks. AMEN!

Dear Shanon,

Since you didn't take time to listen for an answer to your prayer, I will try to reach you some other way. Maybe while you are on Facebook, I can get your attention with the LDS Seminary link. There are a couple of good Mormon messages you need to hear.

I love you dear daughter of mine. Heavenly Father

I have no other words, except I am humbled and grateful.

The Lady of the House is Withdrawing

I went off all of my medicines.

Cold turkey.

You should never do that!

I know better!

I did it anyway.

I have been in a self-induced "detox" for 10 days now.

I have not laughed so much in years! That's great?! You're happy for me?! The problem is, the things I laugh at aren't funny! Your dog died? Funny! Your house burned down? Ha Ha! You fell and broke your leg? Hysterical! Car crashes? Stop it...you're killing me!

I now have a potty mouth! I can count on one hand (okay...maybe two) how many times I have said anything stronger than "darn" in my entire life! All of a sudden...my word...I'm startin' to talk like a sailor! Only in my head though. Oh...and the rant that Gary was so lucky to hear today when he called to say hi and ask if he could talk to Chris. "H*** no you can't talk to Chris...I am busy right now." I just know he is so happy to be married to such a sweet girl!

I can't stand the sight of....wait for it...CHOCOLATE! Yes, I said chocolate. The girl with the year's supply of chocolate cannot stand the sight of it. Emily made brownies for Mother's day. My brownie was still sitting there today and I finally gave it to the kids. I have had a MEDIUM size bag of M&Ms for over a week now. Two weeks ago, I would have inhaled those suckers in seconds! Good news, though, I've lost a few pounds!

Guess what I've been craving!! Go ahead...guess!! I can wait! Vegetables. Yes, VEGETABLES! I've eaten celery, carrots, potatoes, corn, onions, lettuce, beans....and I didn't even gag! I might have even liked them, but shhh don't tell Gary. Today I was looking for fruit to eat for a snack!

I think hell has frozen over! Darn!! There I go again! If you'll excuse me, I need to go wash my mouth out with soap!

PS Emily just came in and said "mom, do you remember when I had a urinal infection last year?" I was laughing so hysterically I couldn't even tell Gary the story. He didn't think it was that funny. Oh, well.

PSS I was not laughing that Emily had an infection, but that she called it a urinal infection.

PSSS You might want to stay as far away from me as possible this week.

PSSSS If I laugh at your tragedies please forgive me and know that I am crying on the inside.

Life Is Sacred

Ummm.....Should Wife Be Offended?

Location: The garage in husband and wife's new house in Texas

Background: Husband has done whatever he wants in the garage in the past four houses they have lived in. Wife always became frustrated when she needed something in the garage because husband's idea of organization is pile everything on shelves but not in any order so the "order" was undone every time something was needed. Wife was getting very annoyed.

Scene: Husband and wife disagreeing on how to organize the garage. Wife wants to go through everything in garage, throw out or give away stuff they don't need, put similar things together, find storage containers that those similar things will fit in, then build shelves according to size of container. Husband wants to put up a few shelves above garage door. He can't do anything in the garage until he puts up those shelves! Wife, who is extremely annoyed says fine, go ahead. So husband builds shelves. Then husband proceeds to put all of wife's organized boxes that were lined up neatly against wall on the shelves. He does not, however, put up any of his things that are piled up on the floor covering half of the garage. Wife is even more annoyed. Husband is happy because he finally built those shelves!

Months pass: Wife has brillant idea to organize the rest of the garage on the long Thanksgiving weekend. She thinks that surely they can get it done in the three days and still have Sunday to rest before going back to work. Wife thinks Thanksgiving dinner at Cracker Barrel is a good idea. CB cooks the food, family eats the food, CB cleans up the mess AND does the dishes. Husband thinks this is a great idea but thinks that he should still cook Thanksgiving dinner, then clean the kitchen, wake up early the next morning, go do Black Friday shopping, he'll be done early and then they can start working on the garage. Wife says that is starting a day and 1/2 late. Husband assures wife that they can still get it done.

Day 1: Nothing done on Thanksgiving day except cook, make a mess, eat, clean up mess, nap, watch football, eat some more, go to bed.

Day 2: Husband goes shopping, doesn't get home until afternoon, then they start on the garage. They empty out garage, start to decide what will be gotten rid of or given away, get done late at night, put everything back in garage. Wife reminds husband that they could have gotten more done if they had started sooner. Husband ignores wife.

Day 3: Wife threatens husband if he even dares think about making pancakes he's in trouble! Husband wisely chooses a quick bowl of cereal. They go outside and start to pull out everything again and start sorting it putting similar things together and trying to figure out a place to put everything and where to build shelves. They then start putting things in containers. Husband decides that before he can do anything else, he has to build himself a workbench so he runs out to Home Depot to get a few things. He comes back a LONG while later and they start building the workbench. They work well into the night, don't quite finish the workbench and then put everything back in the garage.

Day 4: Family goes to church and then decides to rest from their labors. Wife is a little annoyed that garage looks the same as it did when they started, but husband assures wife that he will work on it during the week and finish his workbench so they can finish garage.

Four months pass: Husband has what he has wanted since he first saw the garage. A few shelves above the garage door and a somewhat organized workbench. Wife, still, after 19 years of marriage opens the door and sees husband's tools neatly put on shelves above workbench. She also sees that after all that work she still cannot park in the garage because of all the yard tools, bikes, giant box of 1000s of baseball cards, and things that husband wants to sell at a garage sale (if he ever has one) STILL in the middle of garage.

Present: Conversation that occured on April 2, 2010

Wife needs her stuff down from the shelves because she is trying to get a scrapbook done of oldest son's scouting years together for his Eagle Court of Honor. She has been asking husband for atleast a month to please get stuff down.

Husband always says he'll do it tomorrow. Husband never does. Wife asks why he put all of her stuff that was stacked neatly along a wall up on the very high shelves instead of his stuff that is in the middle of the garage. Husband said it was easier to do her stuff (because it was stored neatly in plastic containers). Then he reminds wife that she has to admit that those containers have not been touched in two years.

Wife starts to raise her voice and says that he has not used some of his tools since he purchased a fixer-upper, spent hours and hours away from home to finish said house, while his wife was at home taking care of everything from finances to children 4 years ago. Wife then reminds him that his "investment" earned him about a penny a day for several months.

Husband reminds wife of how the market dropped and he was lucky he made any money at all.

Wife starts to get a little bit irrational and starts bringing up other things that husband does wrong like calling her during the day to give her a list of things she needs to get done. Something that annoys wife very much.

Someone mentions eternal marriage.

Wife asks husband if he is going to keep telling her what and how to do things for eternity?

Husband says that it is a blessing that he tells her what to do. We will only be able to take a few things with us when we die, one of them being the knowledge of how to work. He also says that he is hoping that one day wife will learn to do things on her own so that he won't have to keep telling her what to do.

Wife yells that she learned how to take care of the house, bills, children, and everything else while he was off earning pennies a day remodeling THAT house.

Husband says he thinks he will go find some work to do. Husband should probably sleep with one eye open for a few nights. Wife hopes husband has learned all he needs to learn because his life on earth may be shortened a bit.

Ahhhhh......Eternal Bliss


Update:

Wife discovers that writing it all out made her anger go away.

Husband says that this is a very interesting post and thinks wife should be happy since he gives her so much good material for her blog.

Wife smiles at husband but would rather have heard that he would finish the garage.

Husband is planning on sleeping with one eye open.

Wife thinks that's a wise choice for husband.

A Birthday Giveaway!

Auntie Anne and I go waaay back! I met her one day as I was walking thru the mall in Florida. One of her friends offered me a taste of her yummy original pretzel. Ahhh...it was love at first bite! I started finding excuses to go to the mall so I could have more. I even shared the love with my family. Now, my daughter insists that we get a pretzel every time we go to the mall. Imagine my surprise when we moved to Texas and discovered that Auntie Anne had placed one of her stores at MY local Wal-Mart! Wasn't that just so thoughtful of her? She must have known how much I would miss Florida and remembered how much I dislike going to Wal-Mart so she put it there to say "good job, Shanon, for making it thru this place...here have a pretzel!"

Auntie Anne considers me one of her best friends! She sends me emails all the time with special coupons and free stuff. She knows that I am having a hard time with the loss of my sister so she decided to let me have a free pretzel on the Saturday before my birthday. Isn't she just the best friend ever?!!!!! She even said that I could share with all my friends! Soooo, in honor of my birthday, she is offering everyone a free cinnamon or original pretzel! You get a pretzel, you get a pretzel, you get a pretzel, you get a pretzel........don't you feel like you are on the Oprah show?!



Oh, and don't be jealous of my friendship with Auntie Anne. You can be her friend too. You can join her facebook group. She probably won't build a special Auntie Anne's just for you in Wal-Mart, but I bet she'll send you coupons! One more thing, if you do get a pretzel (or even if you don't) you must remember to wish me a happy birthday on Feb. 22. I guess she forgot to put that on the notice. Just an oversight on her part, I suppose, because I know she will feel so terrible when I point that out to her. Be grateful that this giveaway does not require any effort on my part because we all know that it would not happen if I was in charge!

Enjoy and no need to send thank you notes...the smile on your face and the chub on your cheeks (from the pretzel) is all the thanks that I need! You are welcome!

Auntie Anne + Shanon = BFs 4 ever!

Do They Celebrate Birthdays In Heaven?

I've been celebrating my birthday with the same person since I was just shy of my second birthday. My mom went away for a couple of days and came home with this baby right before I turned 2. Can you believe that?! I don't really remember much about her coming home, but from the pictures I have seen I was not very happy about it!

Every February, even though I was the oldest(!) we would celebrate her birthday first. That was so unfair! I would ask my mom "why does she get to celebrate hers first? I am older!" I'm sure my mom looked so forward to February. I know she couldn't wait for the yearly argument over why Lori got to be first!



We have had fun over the years celebrating together. Sometimes we had birthday parties together like the surprise party that my older sister and her friends planned. We were very surprised and had a great day. When we were older, we would go on a shopping spree. We had great fun picking out things for ourselves and having my mom pay for it. That's the best way to shop!



I turned forty a few months after we moved to Texas. I was feeling sorry for myself with no plans for a celebration. I wasn't even put on the RS newsletter birthday list! Poor Gary had to comfort me while I cried on his shoulder about how I was invisible to everyone in the ward. I moped around for a few days, quit cleaning our house and quit taking showers. I was in this awful state of filth one night when the doorbell rang. There on the front porch was my family! My mom, dad and Lori with her 2 kids. I was so excited to see them (although I wish I had known, I would have cleaned my house or myself) and we had a nice birthday celebration! I think we even went shopping!

Lori would have turned 40 today. She told me that if she made it to 40 she would have a big party. I would have even gotten over my fear of flying to be there! I wonder if they had a big party for her in heaven today. I hope so. She has a few friends and lots of family there. I can't believe she left me here to celebrate my birthday alone. Maybe she got tired of hearing me complain every year. I hope that next year I will be able to celebrate her birthday without crying so much. I miss her alot!



Happy Birthday Lori!

I love you!

A very sad tale...

Once upon a time, there was a teeny, tiny girl floating around in a world of amniotic fluid. She was very happy and content in this place. So content in fact, that she decided to stay in an extra 22 days. She was hanging on until her mama could come up with a different name than Cecilia Leigh (you should hear the six girl's names she had picked!) Oh, boy did her daughters dodge a bullet!

This teeny, tiny girl's dad was a police officer. One day this officer pulled over a girl named Shannon. He thought that she was pretty and he liked her name so he came home and told his wife that he thought that instead of Cecelia Leigh they should name her after the pretty girl (who probably drove away with a warning, not a ticket). The mama thought that was okay so they named her Shannon Del. This was a fine name except that the police officer thought that the extra "n" in the middle of Shannon was not necessary so he threw away that pesky extra "N" and spelled it Shanon Del.

The teeny, tiny girl decided that Shanon Del was much better than Cecilia Leigh so she made her fashionably late appearance on Feb. 22, 19-- (no need to share ALL the details.) She weighed in at a whopping 7 lbs and 15.5 oz and was 20ish in. long. She was the most beautiful baby girl in all the land (hey, I'm writing this story!) with the most beautiful red hair anyone had ever seen.

This teeny, tiny girl was very happy until she was 9 months old. She decided at that point that this place called earth wasn't that great and she was ready to move back to her previous home, a place called Heaven. Everyone kept telling her that she had to stay and endure to the end. That sure did get her fiery red-headed temper going! There was nothing she could do though so for the last ?? years she has been enduring well. Some might disagree, but as I said before, I am writing this story!

Things got worse for the girl named Shanon when she started a horrible thing called kindergarten. That was when everyone started spelling her name wrong (or right if you are in the majority of the population). She has corrected the misspelling of her name more times than she can count. Over time, though, because she is such a pleasant person she finally learned to let it go...she even started to like the spelling of her name. That is until she saw this on facebook:

Go to urbandictionary.com, type in your first name, copy and paste this as your status, and put the first entry for your name under comments.

The beautiful, red-headed girl decided to go look up her name so she could see what her wonderful, uniquely spelled name said:

Shanon: Great pride and loyalty. Leader among all and soft hearted. Fun loving, exciting, interesting, worldly, hard working, masculine male figure.

Very nice.....if you are a masculine male figure. Last time she checked she was a feminine female figure. She then wondered what urbandictionary.com would say if her name was spelled with that extra "N".

Shannon: irish for little wise owl. Someone who is beautiful, inside and out. She's down to earth and crazy but you can't figure her out, which makes you love her all the more. She's also fun and funny and someone you can defiantly trust. They usually have red or dark hair and have beautiful natural highlights that others have to buy in a bottle. They are truly a unique person and one of a kind.

Look what she could have been. How unfair that the girl had missed out on all of those wonderful qualities all because her dad thought that pesky little "N" didn't matter....and she lived regretfully ever after murmuring "I knew it was somehow my daddy's fault!"

The End

The Sad, Sad, Sad End

The moral of the story: always check urbandictionary.com before naming your baby and make sure you spell it correctly. Unless, of course, you find pleasure in ruining a girl's life!