Yesterday I called Chris.
He has been away at college since August although he did come home for three weeks for Christmas.
I have been worried about him (I can hear you now...Shanon? Worried?!) so I thought I'd just call for a minute to give him a pep talk. I stink at pep talks, by-the-way.
He answered the phone and I said "Hi, Chris!" He said hi back.
Then he said "who is this?!"
Gary says he didn't recognize me because my voice sounds different. I have a cold. A cold that I got after I ate spinach and healthy chicken noodle soup with carrots, onions, and celery. I also exercised last week.
Things I have learned this week:
(1) my son doesn't remember who I am.
(2) exercise and vegetables will cause you to take to your death bed.
(3) my husband will not use his sick days to stay home to take care of me
(4) Lifetime movies are the cheesiest....I could act better than that
(5) sometimes I miss cable TV
(6) mammograms hurt like the dickens
(7) having a pelvic ultrasound is no picnic ("you want to stick that wand where?!")
(8) pap smears aren't that fun either
(9) having 5 kids does bad things to a bladder (drink lots of water and hold it for over an hour?!--see #7)
(10) my ovaries did not explode
(11) all my tests came back normal (hooray for that)
(12) the pain I have been having is psychosomatic (just ask my husband)
(13) I might be a bit cranky
Some good things happened this week too, but right now I'm having a pity party and focusing on the positive would kind of mess with my plan to wallow in my misery. I know...that's so unusual for me...to focus on the negative!
If my father-in-law were here he would tell me that what I need is a good cup o' tea.
Well...back to my sick bed I go. There are several cheesy Lifetime movies I haven't seen yet.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Sunday, January 9, 2011
The Sky Is Falling
Gary and I were driving home and got stopped at a red light underneath the toll road. I heard the cars driving over us.
Me: "I hope the road doesn't collapse."
Gary: "That would be bad...very bad!"
Me: "That thought never crossed your mind, did it?"
Gary: "Nope."
Me: "See what it's like to live in my head?"
Gary: "You do have a knack for worrying!"
Then the light changed. Phew! That was a close one.
See...it happens ALL THE TIME!
Me: "I hope the road doesn't collapse."
Gary: "That would be bad...very bad!"
Me: "That thought never crossed your mind, did it?"
Gary: "Nope."
Me: "See what it's like to live in my head?"
Gary: "You do have a knack for worrying!"
Then the light changed. Phew! That was a close one.
See...it happens ALL THE TIME!
Thursday, January 6, 2011
I don't have curly hair
I have this friend on Facebook.
She reads my blog, tells me I am funny and thinks I should write a book. She says she would even buy my book. I like this friend. She is very good for my ego and so so nice.
One day she said that she always knew I would be a good mom. My husband asked me who she was.
I told him, "I don't know and it's driving me crazy."
I have wracked my brain for the last year trying to figure out who she is. I thought maybe she was a friend from school but somehow I got the impression that she was younger than me. Then one day I noticed that she was a mutual friend of a good friend of mine from Florida. Someone I met after I was married and had children who is an awesome school teacher. So I thought that maybe she was a teacher. I have been going through my memory bank (which is sorely lacking in "funds") trying to remember all of the teachers we have had through the years. I was going to ask my friend to give me a hint. Secretly, of course, so that no one ever found out what a bad memory I had.
Then today my friend on facebook wrote this on my wall:
Shanon, just saw your post......thanks for your humor (can so relate to it) & here's wishing you & yours a very safe, happy & healthy New Year! *toasting* Look forward to reading your "works of art" this year (when's that book coming out?)!
See why I love her so much?!
Then our mutual friend wrote this on my wall (or her wall, I'm not sure):
This was her response:
The wonders of "Quill" (ha!)....I used to look forward to seeing her when she was outta school & would come work there....good times while working. I just remember loads of curly hair, great sense of humor, lots of laughter....most peeps at Quill were really great :-)
I googled Quill (see I use google all the time!) I tried to remember what Quill was and when I worked there?! Then the light bulb came on.
Oh, my good friend Gwen. You have been a mystery to me for a while now. I finally figured it out.
I don't know you!
I love you though. Thank you for all of your nice compliments. They have really brightened my day on many occasions! Can we still be friends?!
She reads my blog, tells me I am funny and thinks I should write a book. She says she would even buy my book. I like this friend. She is very good for my ego and so so nice.
One day she said that she always knew I would be a good mom. My husband asked me who she was.
I told him, "I don't know and it's driving me crazy."
I have wracked my brain for the last year trying to figure out who she is. I thought maybe she was a friend from school but somehow I got the impression that she was younger than me. Then one day I noticed that she was a mutual friend of a good friend of mine from Florida. Someone I met after I was married and had children who is an awesome school teacher. So I thought that maybe she was a teacher. I have been going through my memory bank (which is sorely lacking in "funds") trying to remember all of the teachers we have had through the years. I was going to ask my friend to give me a hint. Secretly, of course, so that no one ever found out what a bad memory I had.
Then today my friend on facebook wrote this on my wall:
Shanon, just saw your post......thanks for your humor (can so relate to it) & here's wishing you & yours a very safe, happy & healthy New Year! *toasting* Look forward to reading your "works of art" this year (when's that book coming out?)!
See why I love her so much?!
Then our mutual friend wrote this on my wall (or her wall, I'm not sure):
This was her response:
The wonders of "Quill" (ha!)....I used to look forward to seeing her when she was outta school & would come work there....good times while working. I just remember loads of curly hair, great sense of humor, lots of laughter....most peeps at Quill were really great :-)
I googled Quill (see I use google all the time!) I tried to remember what Quill was and when I worked there?! Then the light bulb came on.
Oh, my good friend Gwen. You have been a mystery to me for a while now. I finally figured it out.
I don't know you!
I love you though. Thank you for all of your nice compliments. They have really brightened my day on many occasions! Can we still be friends?!
Monday, January 3, 2011
Who Needs Cleaning
I put away all the Christmas decorations last week. I decided that the mantle was kind of sad and lonely without all the Santas and I was bored with what was up there before so I went looking for something new. This is what I came up with. It took me ALL day! I polled the family to see what they thought.
Kinsey: It looks great now leave it alone and take me shopping.
Chris: I think it looks too crowded. (I said who asked you? Now go away until you have something nice to say!)
Jared: I like the duck! Now can I go back to my game?!
Gary: Hey.....I like it, but I liked the 2000 other ways you had it too.
Emily: she was gone
Carson: Did you say something? I'm too busy watching Despicable Me for the millionth time.
I have made them pause throughout the week to ooh and ahh over it. I can't tell you how thrilled they are!
So, what do you think? Now, when I ask what you think, I really want you to just tell me how wonderful it is. Okay?!
Friday, December 31, 2010
Celebrate
We were invited to party until midnight then we were uninvited.
Gary and I did the happy dance because everyone knows that the best way to celebrate new year's is to stay home in your pjs, write a few blog posts, watch a few old movies, eat lots of snacks and go to bed by nine! We told the kids we were going to make out on the couch all night. They said "ewwww" and made plans to be other places! Now we don't have to share the couch or tell anyone to be quiet! Oh, and we don't really have to make out! Shhh...don't tell the kids our secret.
This might be the best night ever!
Happy New Year everyone!
Gary and I did the happy dance because everyone knows that the best way to celebrate new year's is to stay home in your pjs, write a few blog posts, watch a few old movies, eat lots of snacks and go to bed by nine! We told the kids we were going to make out on the couch all night. They said "ewwww" and made plans to be other places! Now we don't have to share the couch or tell anyone to be quiet! Oh, and we don't really have to make out! Shhh...don't tell the kids our secret.
This might be the best night ever!
Happy New Year everyone!
Goodbye World
A few weeks before Christmas my ovaries exploded. Or my kidneys were failing. Or I had stomach cancer. Or uterine cancer. Or I had colon cancer, they would have to remove it and I would have to wear one of those bags on the outside of my body that catches all my pee and p....
Anyway...you get the idea. I was dying. Oh and I get all my information from google!
I don't like to die quietly so I kept moaning and groaning and complaining to Gary. Every night I would tell him that I would probably die in my sleep (and I may have said something like "HA HA! it serves you right!") He finally suggested that maybe I should go to the doctor. "What?! I can't go to the doctor! It's two weeks before Christmas!" He obviously was not getting my point.
You know why I couldn't go to the doctor, don't you?!
Anyone that listens to Christmas songs knows why you don't go to the doctor right before Christmas. If I went to the doctor, he would tell me that I was dying. Then I would take a turn for the worse and on Christmas Eve, my children would be in a store looking for red Christmas shoes so I would be pretty to meet Jesus and they wouldn't have enough money to pay for them so they would have to beg a grumpy person to help. Of course, his heart would be softened (which I guess is good) and he would pay the difference. The grumpy man would go home and write a song about the experience and my kids would get home just in time to put the shoes on my feet before I kicked the bucket.
AND...
every year after that they would burst into tears every time they heard that song about someone being missing this Christmas!
I just couldn't do that to them!
SO...
instead, I whined all during Christmas break. I still haven't gone to the doctor and I still am dying.
OR...
it might be that I hurt my back when I hauled all of the Christmas decorations down from the attic.
Hopefully, I will be around next Christmas. I doubt it, though, because did you hear the latest?!
I'm dying.
BUT....
at least I'm not dying on Christmas Eve!
Anyway...you get the idea. I was dying. Oh and I get all my information from google!
I don't like to die quietly so I kept moaning and groaning and complaining to Gary. Every night I would tell him that I would probably die in my sleep (and I may have said something like "HA HA! it serves you right!") He finally suggested that maybe I should go to the doctor. "What?! I can't go to the doctor! It's two weeks before Christmas!" He obviously was not getting my point.
You know why I couldn't go to the doctor, don't you?!
Anyone that listens to Christmas songs knows why you don't go to the doctor right before Christmas. If I went to the doctor, he would tell me that I was dying. Then I would take a turn for the worse and on Christmas Eve, my children would be in a store looking for red Christmas shoes so I would be pretty to meet Jesus and they wouldn't have enough money to pay for them so they would have to beg a grumpy person to help. Of course, his heart would be softened (which I guess is good) and he would pay the difference. The grumpy man would go home and write a song about the experience and my kids would get home just in time to put the shoes on my feet before I kicked the bucket.
AND...
every year after that they would burst into tears every time they heard that song about someone being missing this Christmas!
I just couldn't do that to them!
SO...
instead, I whined all during Christmas break. I still haven't gone to the doctor and I still am dying.
OR...
it might be that I hurt my back when I hauled all of the Christmas decorations down from the attic.
Hopefully, I will be around next Christmas. I doubt it, though, because did you hear the latest?!
I'm dying.
BUT....
at least I'm not dying on Christmas Eve!
What's on my mind....ummm, I can't remember
A few nights ago, as I was brushing my teeth, I had a brilliant idea for a very funny blog post. I don't know about you but I get my best ideas when I am brushing my teeth. Anyway....I thought I should probably write it down but I decided it was so wonderful that I would remember. Ha ha ha! Five minutes later, I couldn't remember my name much less my thoughts. Oh well...trust me. It was great. Too bad I can't remember it.
I went to bed kind of early one night last week. Gary was still on the computer, so the lights were on in the bedroom. These are the lights that I swear are burning holes in my retinas even with my eyes closed. He would have turned them off if I had asked, but I would rather be a martyr. I woke up at about 12:30 with a raging headache. I blamed the darn lights which were STILL on. I was mad at Gary for being so inconsiderate even though he wasn't trying to be. I got up to get a drink of water and he followed me into the kitchen. He wanted to make sure I didn't trip over the bike that Carson got for Christmas. I rolled my eyes and went back to bed annoyed. A few minutes later my head felt like someone was drilling into it so I decided to go take an Excedrin. Back I trudged to the kitchen. Gary didn't follow me this time. When I got back to bed, I said something sarcastic like "boy, that was a close one. I'm lucky to still be alive after taking that SCARY trip to the kitchen!" Yeah...sometimes I can be nasty. A few minutes later the caffeine kicked in and the headache went away. He was snoring by this time. He's lucky I didn't smack him...I'm considerate like that. I was up the rest of the night but I got all the laundry done! I finally fell asleep on the couch at about 6 am. A few minutes later Gary came in and woke me up. He thought I might be more comfortable in my bed and he was going to turn on a movie for Carson so that he wouldn't bother me. I gave him the stink eye. He leaned in to kiss me goodbye because he was going to work. I resisted the urge to smack him. I didn't even say anything mean! See how considerate I am?!
Oh...never mind! I know...I'm evil!
Maybe Evil Shanon will be nicer next year.
What?! It could totally happen!
I went to bed kind of early one night last week. Gary was still on the computer, so the lights were on in the bedroom. These are the lights that I swear are burning holes in my retinas even with my eyes closed. He would have turned them off if I had asked, but I would rather be a martyr. I woke up at about 12:30 with a raging headache. I blamed the darn lights which were STILL on. I was mad at Gary for being so inconsiderate even though he wasn't trying to be. I got up to get a drink of water and he followed me into the kitchen. He wanted to make sure I didn't trip over the bike that Carson got for Christmas. I rolled my eyes and went back to bed annoyed. A few minutes later my head felt like someone was drilling into it so I decided to go take an Excedrin. Back I trudged to the kitchen. Gary didn't follow me this time. When I got back to bed, I said something sarcastic like "boy, that was a close one. I'm lucky to still be alive after taking that SCARY trip to the kitchen!" Yeah...sometimes I can be nasty. A few minutes later the caffeine kicked in and the headache went away. He was snoring by this time. He's lucky I didn't smack him...I'm considerate like that. I was up the rest of the night but I got all the laundry done! I finally fell asleep on the couch at about 6 am. A few minutes later Gary came in and woke me up. He thought I might be more comfortable in my bed and he was going to turn on a movie for Carson so that he wouldn't bother me. I gave him the stink eye. He leaned in to kiss me goodbye because he was going to work. I resisted the urge to smack him. I didn't even say anything mean! See how considerate I am?!
Oh...never mind! I know...I'm evil!
Maybe Evil Shanon will be nicer next year.
What?! It could totally happen!
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