I Don't Want to Sit Down

I can't sit still when I get bad news.

My husband should know this and yet he told me to sit down.

He had just talked to the doctor about our son's blood test results. I was hoping for the standard "you're out of your mind and worry too much, Shanon" and instead was told that they were waiting for us at Dell Children's hospital emergency room.

It all started with a search on Google. My son was losing weight. I noticed the weight loss and had a nagging feeling that something wasn't right. I was hoping it was the scout camps and pioneer Trek that he had been on.

I made my son get on the scales. He rolled his eyes at me and complained. He had lost 16 pounds in 6 weeks! I interrogated him. Are you trying to lose weight? Has anyone said anything to you about your weight? Are you feeling sick? Are you taking drugs (I was talking over-the-counter)? Are you making yourself throw up? He rolled his eyes at me again and said "moommm...I don't have an eating disorder! Throwing up is gross! I eat all the time! And NO...I'm not doing drugs!!!"

Wait...why did he mention drugs?

"Moommmmm....doing drugs is stupid!!!"

He also had "fruity" breath. It wasn't bad breath...just an odd fruity smell. The only other thing he said was that he was thirsty and going to the bathroom a lot.

So I googled it and came up with a diagnosis that scared me. This was on a Friday night. We were supposed to leave for vacation on Sunday. I told my husband my fears and said that I didn't think we should go on our vacation until we took him to a doctor. Gary is an eternal optimist. He doesn't worry about things until he needs to. This was on his list of "I'll worry about this when we get back."

I didn't feel like we could wait until we got back but I pulled the "FINE! You hold the priesthood so I'll trust you" card. He absolutely loves it when I do that! Not really...I think it kind of annoys him. I thought we decided we would wait until we got back. He thought we decided that we would take him to the doctor to ease my fears but boy was it going to set us back a few hours.

What we had was a lack of communication!

I went to bed feeling uneasy while he started snoring as soon as his head hit the pillow.

Does anyone else feel the need to smack their husband when that happens or is it just me?!

Sorry...what was I saying?!

Oh, yeah, we went to sleep. I had a dream. We were camping and something happened to my kids. I don't really remember all the details except that I was being yelled at by my bishop. He was telling me that I had been entrusted to take care of my children. I had the power to receive inspiration on their behalf even though I don't hold the priesthood! I was crying and he was just so annoyed with me! I woke up feeling like my life was about to change.

Gary woke up a few minutes after that and felt like it was really important to get Jared to the doctor before we left. So he took Jared at 8am when the office opened. When he got there the receptionist told him that he had to have an appointment and said she would see if they had anything available. Wouldn't you know it?! They had an 8:10 am opening!

Gary told the doctor that I was worried about diabetes. She asked him if he was as worried as I was and he said that he wasn't. The doctor said he seemed healthy but they would do some blood work and try to get it rushed so we could go on our vacation without worrying. Jared came home complaining about all the blood that they had taken. I told Gary about my dream and cried.

We were walking into the library when Gary's phone rang. I took Carson inside while he talked to the doctor.

Then he came in and told me to sit down. The doctor told him that his wife was right...how often does that happen?! I would do a victory dance except I really didn't want to be right this time. I didn't want the doctor to tell me that my son has Type 1 Diabetes.

I was really hoping for a "you are going to drive yourself crazy with all your worrying" lecture.

We headed home from the library to get ready to go the the emergency room. I always think that when you are told to go to the ER that you should hurry. Gary decided that would be a good time to have a shower. While I was pacing around the house, I called my parents to let them know that we didn't know if or when we would be able to meet them at Lake Powell (our kids were so sad about this).

While I was talking to my mom, Gary came out of the bathroom....STILL UNSHOWERED!...to tell me to tell my mom that they were worried about diabetic ketoacidosis (DKA). He didn't bother to share that information with me. I looked it up. DKA is a medical emergency and without treatment it can lead to death! Then he walks ever so slowly back to the bathroom to have a leisurely shower!

I just want you to know that when I eventually lose my mind (oh...it's going to happen...any day now) that he will be the cause.

We made it to the hospital in time. He did not die. He does have Type 1 Diabetes. He is doing a great job managing it and doing his own shots, checking his blood sugars, and counting his carbs. He hasn't complained at all about not eating sugar. We all had to learn how to give him his shots but he prefers to do it himself because my hands shake too much.

Jared didn't mind staying in the hospital. They gave him a really cool bed. He wanted to bring it home with him but we had to leave it. He also had his Ipod so he could listen to Weird Al sing a song about his pancreas...ha ha, get it?! They told him he could go on his vacation as soon as he got rid of all the ketones in his urine. I have never seen a kid drink so much fluid! He was a boy on a mission I tell ya'. It took longer than they thought it would and I was teasing him that even his ketones were stubborn! He eventually got them under control so we were able to go on our vacation.

I am handling the news by going into denial and only eating sugar. I think that is a pretty mature way to handle the situation. Don't you?! My sugar choice at the moment is Pretzel M&Ms...just in case you want to contribute to my mental health fund.

I'm not sure how much more summer fun I can handle.

Bad To The Bone

A few weeks ago, I decided that I was tired of being good. I told Gary that I was going to start living a life of crime and partying.

After giving me his standard "it's good to be good" speech, he showed me how concerned he was with my announcement by telling a joke. It was a bad joke...trust me on this. If you have to know, though, just ask him about the three guys in a jail cell. I'm sure he won't mind telling it again.

Anyway...he started making fun of me by giving me suggestions on ways to be a criminal. I told him that this was no laughing matter and proved it to him by committing my first crime. I cut the tags off of my mattress and pillows! So there!

He was shocked!

Right after that, we went on a little anniversary trip to California. While we were there we decided to go to a national park to see the redwoods. I picked up a pine cone and put it in my pocket so I could show the kids. When we got back home, I found out that you aren't supposed to take those from the park. Ha ha! My second crime! I could say that I didn't know that I wasn't supposed to take it, but really...isn't that what all criminals say?

I wanted to jump off the Golden Gate bridge because there was a sign that said "No jumping off the bridge" or some such nonsense, but Gary refused to stop and let me out. Then I tried to abandon my children but Gary threatened to call security if I refused to leave the hotel. As for the partying, I decided to go all crazy while I was on vacation. I ordered hot chocolate...with whipped cream! More than once!

You don't even know me anymore, do you?!

When we got home, I tried to be good, but then the air conditioner broke, the dishwasher broke, the car ended up in the shop, school got out....

Really?! Does it pay to be good?!

Then, last night, I snapped! I was headed out the door to take someone home and Gary said "drive safe!" I told him I was going to drive like a maniac just to spite him and did a little swervy thing after I pulled out of the driveway. When I got home, I stole half of Carson's Pop-Tart. I told myself he wouldn't miss it....he wouldn't know any better!

Can you believe how rebellious I am?!

This morning we were running late to camp and I couldn't think about anything except the fact that I hate running late. I was going too fast and got pulled over by the police officer that was just waiting for crazy moms of cub scouts that were driving too fast. Carson was sooo excited to meet the police!

I got my very first speeding ticket!

I've never gotten a ticket.

I could barely sign the ticket my hands were shaking so much!

I did what any self-respecting hardened criminal would do. I came home, called my husband and then I cried. Not teeny-tiny tears but big bucket loads of tears. Gary told me it was okay, we would take care of it...he still loves me! He even brought me flowers to help me feel better!

I don't know if I'm cut out for a life of crime and partying! What do you think? Am I too far gone? Do you think my next crime will be more serious? Maybe I won't be able to control myself and I'll rob a bank or something!

It's hard work being a partying criminal especially when you hate getting in trouble!

Oh, and is there anyone out there that wants to adopt a reformed hardened criminal?

I'm pretty sure my parents will disown me after they hear about this! My dad's a retired police officer who raised me to always obey the law and I disobeyed my mom by typing the h word...hate...twice!

They will be so ashamed!

A Special Delivery From Heavenly Father

One night before Kinsey was born, Gary was at a church meeting and got the distinct impression that the baby that I was carrying would be a girl. He came home and told me that he knew Heavenly Father was sending me someone special and that we would be friends.

On April 17, 1995 this cute girl joined our family. She has been my sassy little defender for as long as I can remember. Gary was right. Heavenly Father did send me someone special.

I love you, Kinsey Elizabeth. Happy 16th birthday!

What Would You Do?

Suppose you were part of a small group of people in charge of an activity for children ages 3 - 11.

Suppose you had a child who finds pleasure in hiding from you while you are helping to be in charge of said activity.

Suppose child hides with lightening speed and you can't locate him for several minutes.

Suppose this child has special needs and doesn't understand that running into the street is not a good idea.

Suppose that several more minutes go by while you are frantically looking for this child.

Suppose after getting frantic you start crying because you have lost your child and wander through the halls of the church bawling.

Suppose several people saw this and started to help you look for him.

Suppose these people found him in the most likely of places...the egg hunt...because duh! that's the first place you should look.

Suppose you had already looked there twice.

Suppose this caused you to look stupid along with having red eyes from crying.

What would you do?

I have decided to hide in my house and never go to church again.

It seems like yesterday...

Happy Birthday, Christopher James. I love you!

Parenting at it's finest

Last night I NEEDED a bite of chocolate chip cookie dough so I went to get it out of the fridge.

IT WAS GONE!!!

I immediately went crazy and started blaming everyone in the family all the while knowing in my heart of hearts who had done it.

I told Gary that I bet the bowl was up in Jared's room so I marched up the stairs (cue the stomping music). I asked Jared where the cookie dough was and he pulled the empty bowl out from under the chair in his room. I started smacking him as he said "what...it was MY cookie dough."

He followed me down the stairs (cue the angry stomping music) telling me how it was HIS cookie dough because HE had made it. I kindly pointed out that he used OUR ingredients...the ones that WE had paid for. Jared has never learned when to keep his mouth shut so he said "You mean the ingredients that DAD paid for!"

Did you hear it? Did you hear the screech in the background music? Did you hear all the birds and crickets quit chirping at the exact second that he said "that DAD paid for"?!

I gave him the "I quit working outside of the home the day Chris was born and maybe I haven't gotten a paycheck in the last nineteen years but don't you dare say that I haven't worked and that the money that Dad makes is not mine just as much as it is his" lecture!

Like I said, Jared has not learned when to shut his mouth so he just kept going with the "but it's Dad's money" line. I glared at Gary and he finally spoke up and told Jared to apologize to his mom.

"Soorrryyyy, Mom" as his eyes rolled around in his head.

I smacked him again, called him a male chauvinist pig, and told him he better change his thinking if he ever wanted a wife!

Then I put myself in time-out!

Now, I need some chocolate!

I hope they call me on a mission...

Chris got his mission call today! He is going to the Argentina Buenos Aires North mission. He goes into the MTC August 17. This is what some of our friends had to say:

Jesse Duncan: Congratulations, Warburtons! Exciting.

Carolyn Nielson: Yay!!! So exciting!

Gail Westcott: What a blessing it is to serve a mission. Tell Chris the Westcott's say congratulations.

Rachael Klinker: Very nice!

Darla Scoles: The Scoles say congratulations too!!!! How exciting!

Sheyenne Alvarez: How exciting!

Annie Werneking: Very exciting! Congratulations!

Rebecca Cothran: Congratulations!!

Karin Salisbury: Congratulations!!!! What a great blessing!!!

Anna Davies: Happy time for all of you! Good job, Mom and Dad (and Chris)!

Tabetha Roan: That is so cool!

Debbie Pratt: Woohoo! Spanish speaking, right?

Judy Bowden: Yeah!!! We are so happy to hear that Chris goes to Argentina. I'm sure he'll do a great job!

Rose Gaertner: Congratulations!!!!

Jenifer Hopkinson Smullin: Yay!!!!! Congrats! That is very exciting!

Tianna Sahim: Congratulations...He will be a great missionary.

Judy Wolter: That's so exciting. Now you can focus your worries to one country instead of the entire world! :)

Cynthia McCloskey: How exciting for him and your family! Congrats...

Kirsten Schwendiman: Definitely exciting! Congratulations from the Schwendimans. :)

Carol Dawson: WOW!!!!! How cool! Ceth comes home in July! Longest 2 years of my life!!!!!!!! But what a wonderful man he has become! Chris will be AWESOME! Tell him the Dawson fishing/hunting clan said "Fishers of men...REEL 'EM IN BABY!!!!"

MyLinda Butterworth: That is wonderful. I can't believe Chris is old enough to go on a mission already. I remember when he was getting baptized.

Lisa Peart: My sister went there. How exciting!

Stephanie Tietjen: How exciting!!! I've heard that Buenos Aires is a beautiful city. I think you and Gary had better get passports for your 20th anniversary. :-)

Jan Swanson: Oh my goodness!!! YAY and congratulations! That will be a tremendous blessing to those in Argentina, as well as to Chris.

Thanks everyone! It's a Spanish speaking mission. I've already looked up the murder rate in Argentina, what kind of natural disasters occur there, where he should go in case of a tsunami, what part of town he should avoid at night and what kind of fevers I should worry about...Dengue and yellow. Oh, and no one guessed Argentina so I will have to pay my own psychiatric bills. :)

Robin Mierzejewski: TOO FUNNY! He's going to be fine. My sister went to Argentina and she is still kickin'. :-)

Holly Azbill Garcia: My baby bro was at that mission....plus my niece is there now. So awesome!! Congrats guys.

Jathon Strauss: Congratulations Shannon! That is the same mission I served in, Buenos Aires North. I loved it and would be happy to answer any questions you can't find on the internet:)

Alta Batterman: That's great! He'll do just fine. The Lord will be with him!

Rebecca Bautista Cothran: Just think you have another country to visit now..Don't worry too much, the Lord protects his missionaries.

Audra Olsen: Yea!!! Congradulations!!! Shannon, you are hilarious!!!

Brandy Griffin Fox: You sound like my mom. ;-D

Kori Jean Olsen: How exciting! We are so proud of him!!!!!! Congratulations!

I googled how to get from Austin, TX to Argentina...you know, just in case I have to go over there quickly and Google maps said "We could not calculate directions between Austin, TX and Argentina." Well...what is that supposed to mean?! Can you be sent to a place that Google can not calculate directions to? How am I going to get to him if I need to?

Oh, and a few things to point out from the video:

No, Jared is not a monk...he's just wearing a blanket over his head.
Yes, Emily can be sarcastic.
No, Kinsey was not excited to be there.
Yes, I did lose 45 lbs last year...my 5 chins just did not get the memo!
Yes, it is cheesy to add "I hope they call me on a mission" music to the video but give me a break...he's my first one to go on a mission.
No, Jared did not guess Argentina...he guessed South America.
Yes, Jared did say that Gary owed him five dollars for guessing right.
Yes, Jared then changed it to ten dollars at the end of the video.
Yes, Emily called him on it!
Yes, I laugh every time I watch it.
Yes, Carson was very excited to be there because he got to see his Chris!

Oh, and yes...we are so proud of Chris!