So be good for goodness sake...

A few weeks before Christmas, Gary committed the unpardonable sin of marriage.....he left the toilet seat up.

I know what you're thinking..."really, Shanon, is that all you have to worry about?!"...but if you had my bladder, that would be a big deal to you.

I came out of the bathroom complaining to him about how I had nearly fallen in the toilet because he didn't take the two seconds it would have taken to put the seat down.

I know what you're thinking..."Shanon, why didn't you take the two seconds to put the toilet seat down"...but if you had my bladder, you would know that I don't have an extra two seconds.

Then I decided to kick him. He said it was an awesome round house kick. I was aiming for the soft part of his behind but I quickly discovered that Gary has cat-like reflexes. Who knew?! He deflected my awesome kick and instead of my foot hitting the soft, cushy part of his behind, it hit his boney elbow.

I know what you're thinking..."gasp! Did she just say she kicked her husband?!"...but if you had my bladder, you would have kicked him too!

After realizing that a kick to the elbow is what broken toes are made of, I learned my lesson.

I know what you're thinking..."kicking someone is never the way to solve a problem"...atleast that's what my 16 year old daughter told me but if you had my bladder you would know that desperate times call for desperate measures!

I learned that next time, I need to remember to put my shoes on before I kick him.

I Laugh When I'm Nervous

Gary went with me to a doctor's appointment today. When we got there, the receptionist handed me one of those forms to fill out. You know the forms that ask you a million questions about your health? I handed it to Gary and said "here, this is your job today." He started filling it out while we were in the waiting room. A few minutes later, the nurse came out to get us. After stepping on the scale, checking height, and blood pressure, we were led to an exam room. Gary was still working on the form, and started asking questions.

"Are you having trouble sleeping?" I answered yes.

"Do you ever have feelings of sadness?" I answered yes.

He wasn't checking off any of the things that I was feeling so I asked him why he wasn't answering the questions the way I told him to.

All of a sudden, Jared says "Moommmm...this isn't all about you, you know?!"

"What?! What do you mean, it's not about me?"

He said "this is MY check-up!"

Oh...sorry! Then he said "I can tell Mom is nervous because she is cracking a lot of jokes."

I really think they should have checked MY blood pressure.

A Few Thoughts on Thanksgiving

A few days ago, Gary decided to ask the family what they wanted to eat for Thanksgiving dinner.

I immediately thought turkey but everyone else in the family said ham.

Ham?!

For Thanksgiving?!

Ham is an Easter food...maybe a Christmas food if you had your fill of turkey at Thanksgiving.

It is never the main dish at Thanksgiving!

That is against the law!

Do you ever see a cute pig come home in your child's folder with thankful feathers attached to it?

No!

It's always a turkey!

You are supposed to have turkey for Thanksgiving!

Guess what we are having for dinner today?

A traditional Easter dinner.

Ham and twice-baked potatoes.

Gary gave me my choice of vegetables.

How cruel is that?!

At least we get to have sweet potato casserole.

A word on sweet potatoes, though.

They leak more than regular potatoes.

That sweet potato juice doesn't smell so sweet when it is a big pile of charcoal on the bottom of your oven.

You pay a big price when you let your husband take over the cooking.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I Just Wanna Dance With You

When I was growing up, Saturday was the day we cleaned. My mom would put on some "cleaning music" and we would start working.

By-the-way, we were the only kids on the planet that had to do that or at least that's what I remember telling my mom. She didn't care that she was breaking the child labor laws, she made us clean anyway!

Over the weekend, I turned into my mom. I turned on the cleaning music and insisted that everyone that was home had to help clean our messy, messy house.

The music of choice was George Strait. There he was singing his heart out while I folded laundry. Gary looked over to ask me a question and noticed big crocodile tears falling down my face. I said "Can't you just see Lori and Steve dancing in the kitchen?!"

I cried for a few minutes while I thought about my sister and how much I miss her. Gary assured me that I would see them dancing again one day.

Then the song that they danced to came on. Carson agreed to be my dance partner.

I just wanna dance with you...twirl you all around the floor...

And, like magic, the sadness disappeared. My cute little dance partner laughed as he twirled me all around the floor. He healed my aching heart and put a new memory in it's place.

I Do These Things So That Others Can Learn From My Mishaps

Every now and again, I can convince Carson that he is tired and wants to rest. Our conversation usually goes something like this:

Me: Let's rest for a minute.
Carson: No fweep (sleep)
Me: Okay...let's just be quiet for a minute.
Carson: No fweep
Me: Pleeeeaaasssseee?!!!
Carson: No fweep
Me: If I ignore him, he will fall asleep from boredom
Carson: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz......
Emily: throws the front door open and yells "I'M HOOOMMMMMMMME!
Me: sigh...

Sometimes, despite Emily's plot to keep the entire state of Texas awake, Carson is sooo tired that he sleeps through her greeting and takes an extra long nap. That happened the other day and at 5pm I was trying to wake him up so he wouldn't be up all night. He was too tired to wake up but then I noticed that the bed...my bed...was wet. I practically dragged him out by his feet so I could save the mattress from utter destruction. Luckily, although he might not agree, it was Gary's side of the bed :)

After I got Carson in the bathtub and put the sheets in the washer, I pulled out the green machine (carpet cleaner) and went to work on the mattress. It did a pretty good job although sometimes I think I might catch a whiff of odor but Gary says I have the best smeller on the planet so it might just be me. He thinks it's fine, I think it might be time to look into getting a new mattress. The good thing for Gary, though, is I hate going shopping so we will probably just live with it.

Anyway...sometimes when I use the carpet cleaner it takes me a few days to clean it out. Today I decided it must be done. I took the container of dirty water off and was walking to the bathroom to dump it in the toilet. In my head, it had a cap on it that you had to take off before you dumped it out. So I turned it over to look for the cap and dumped urine water on my legs, feet, floor, walls...everywhere but where I wanted it to go. Oops!

So, here are a few helpful tips:

The green machine carpet cleaner does not have a cap on the dirty water container so don't turn it upside down until you get to the place you are going to dump it.

Maybe make sure your child goes potty BEFORE he climbs into your bed to fweep!

Dumping urine water everywhere is a great way to motivate yourself to clean those dirty floors.

I hope you find those tips useful. You're welcome!

13 Things For A 13 Year Old

Look at those eyes! Those cheeks! I love this girl!

Emily turned 13 on Sunday so in honor of her cross over into teenagerhood I give you 13 things about Emily.

1. She is the only one of my children to have stitches...twice. When she was almost 4, she was jumping between beds in her room and missed the mattress. She hit her leg on the metal frame and split her shin wide open. I was 20 months pregnant (or maybe it just seemed like that) with Carson at the time and had to carry her into the hospital on top of my bulging belly. When they numbed her leg, she screamed louder than I've ever heard anyone scream . It was traumatic for both of us. Right after they finished she was up running around. It took me hours to recuperate. The second time she slipped on the ladder of a water slide and her tooth went through her mouth just below her bottom lip as she slid down past the kids climbing up the ladder. Every time she smiled their was a gaping hole where there shouldn't be. This time I spent the whole time in the hospital with my head between my knees and the nurse asking ME if I was okay. She was happy as a clam!

2. Sometimes she can be a little too chatty.

3. I have been introduced to a lot of people by her. Over the years she has asked to go to her friend's house and if I didn't know them I would tell her that I had to meet the parents first. Many a time have I gone to the front door to be met by a stranger that had been dragged to the door by two little girls that just wanted to play together. She would look at me with those big hazel eyes and say "this is my friend's mom...now that you have met her can I go play?" No...not awkward...at all. :)

4. She loves to sing. She was asked to sing a duet with her friend at a talent show when she was very little. At the last minute her friend decided there were too many people there. She got up and sang it anyway. So brave!

5. She has a soft spot in her heart for people with special needs. They are some of her favorites at school and church. She changed elementary schools so she could go to school with Carson because she wanted to be able to keep an eye on him and keep him safe. She would get off the bus in the morning and go straight to the special needs classroom. She just loves them and looks past their disability. She is in Partners In PE at school and loves it!

6. She is the only person in our family that likes to be the center of attention. She's also the only person in our family brave enough to act in a play...in front of tons of people!

7. She was the cause of the entire Oviedo, FL police department being dispatched to our house when she went missing one day. She had slipped out the gate, gone and chatted with all the neighbors and then knocked on the door of her friend's house to play. When the mom asked if I knew where she was she said "yes" and went inside to watch a movie. It took us an hour to find her. It was the longest hour of my life. I still have the image of her being carried by my kind neighbor who searched and searched until he found his little friend. She had a look on her face like "is all this fuss for me?"

8. She is a very gifted artist. She loves drawing and painting.

9. When she was little, I would look outside and see her sitting on the swing eating something. When I asked where she got it from she would say "Mr. Wayne and Miss Danielle." She would sneak out, go next door, and ask them for a snack. They always gave her one and then she would come back home and happily eat while swinging.

10. She cannot keep her room clean to save her life but then neither can I.

11. She loves to read.

12. She plays the viola in the orchestra.

13. She loves to tell very detailed stories about her day. If we are busy and try to stop her, she asks us to let her finish first. She is very persistent.

So, there you go...13 things about our Emily. We love you very much Miss Emily and are thankful you joined our family 13 years ago.

Happy Birthday!

You're BEAST!

Conversation on the way to high school this morning.

Kinsey: That guy's in beast mode.
Me: What?!
Kinsey: That guy's in beast mode.
Me: ?!? What does that mean?
Kinsey: (slightly rolling her eyes) That means awesome!
Me: It does? Since when?

I started looking around for the guy she was talking about and see an ordinary teenager standing on the side of the road. Assuming that she is talking about him, I ask why he is so "beast."

Kinsey rolls her eyes again and said she was reading the bumper sticker on the bright green car that just drove by.

Oh, I guess I was too busy paying attention to the ordinary teenager because I missed the car.

I did what any hip and groovy mother would do and said "Kinsey, you're beast!"

Her eyes rolled out of her head and onto the floor.

Just about that time we pulled into the school and I turned around to Jared (who had missed the entire conversation because he had his earbuds in) and said "Jared, you're beast!"

Kinsey said (just slightly loud enough for me to hear), "I'm kind of sorry I ever said anything."

Jared said "Moooommmm, you can't say things like that! That's what teenagers say!"

When all is said and done, I want my children to remember that I was with it so, as I was pulling away, I rolled down the window and yelled "Kinsey, YOU'RE BEAST!!!"

She acted like she had no clue who I was.

Kids these days.

They get embarrassed so easily!