'Tis The Season

for moms of cute little boys like this:



to take care of them when they feel like this:



and for moms to do this:



while their cute little boys do this:



Poor Carson got sick some time during the night. He didn't even come tell us. When I went to wake him up this morning for school he was fast asleep in a very messy bed. He does not like it when I wake him up so I let him sleep for another hour. He woke up very cheerfully and yelled from his bed "hi dad". We got him bathed and dressed comfy and fixed him a nice bed on the couch. I spent most of the time this morning catching fluids in a towel that his stomach rejected. Carson gets offended if I bring out a bucket or a bag. He would like to freely vomit and just let it land where it lands...thank you very much! I, on the other hand, don't have money for a new couch so I put a blanket down, with towels on top of the blanket, with new towels around if I need to change the old one, and extra towels to catch with. Then I sit on the couch and hover, ready to catch anything that comes out of that cute little mouth. When I do catch something, I then wipe his face and he says "Ahhh.....thanks mom!" If he has the strength he will also stroke my cheek. SO SWEET!!! Let's just all say "awwwwww" together! We've also watched many episodes of Fineas and Ferb. Does anyone else not get this show or is it just me? Anyway...atleast I got a little break from spongebob!!

I will gladly watch Fineas and Ferb (and spongebob), do laundry, hover, and catch vomit, though, because what else would a mom of this cute little boy do?!

Love you, Carson. Feel better soon!

Oh, and yesterday I was doing some of the same things for this cute girl:

Luckily, she is feeling better. Love you Emily

Which one of these three do you think will be next?

Hopefully, none of them! Love you Chris, Jared, & Kinsey

Let's face it.....the mom always gets it!

Why I Will Go To That Hot Place When I Die

When Jared got hit by a car last week, I was so thankful that he was not hurt more that he was. He was rather proud that he had survived being hit by a car with only a few bruises and might have even thought it was a great way to start the day!

When I talked to the lady on the phone she offered to pay for a new tire. I hadn't seen the bike yet so I told her that I would have Gary call her after he looked at the bike. Well, after we looked at the bike and Jared showed us what happened, we had a dilemma. The bike was totalled just as Jared had said. The tire was bent, the brakes didn't work, the frame was bent, and the gears didn't work. Also the lady hadn't told the story exactly how it had happened. Jared was nearly across the road, when she rounded the curb and SPED UP! She said the sun was in her eyes, but the next day Gary was there at the same time and said the sun wasn't bad enough to cause her to not be able to see. He thinks she may have been distracted. She also left the school without telling anyone that it had happened and Jared said there was no one around to see it. I was kind of upset that she didn't atleast walk with him to the office to tell them what had happened so that we could have known earlier. She is in the police academy, so I think she should know that she kind of committed a hit and run!

Gary called her over the weekend to tell her the situation with the bike. When she heard that we needed to replace the bike, she actually said that she didn't even think her car had hit his bike! Then Gary said "well that's fine, if you will just give me your insurance information I will give it to my insurance company and let them handle it." She said she didn't want to get her insurance involved so she would think about it and call us back. When Gary told me that, I was fuming. There may have even been smoke coming out of my ears. Her car didn't hit Jared's bike?! Well, then how did it get bent up the way it did?! My red-headed fiery temper came out and I was mad! I usually try to avoid confrontation, but not this time, I was ready for a fight! I was ready to report her to the police, her insurance company, and then I was going to go and yell at the principal at the school!!

She called back in a few minutes and her and Gary talked for a while and came to an agreement that she would pay for 1/2 of the bike and we would pay for the other half. What?! She ran into Jared, totalled his bike and now we are paying for it?! So he explains that she is a single mom of three kids, doesn't have alot of money, is going to the police academy, was scared that if we talked to the insurance company that they would raise her rates, and that the police would find out and it would jeopardize her standing in the police academy. As he is telling me this, he starts to get a little emotional about her situation. So I complain some more and then he says "well you asked me to take care of it so I did what I thought was right." Now, my husband is the cheapest most frugal man on the planet. He is always worrying about money, so I just thought he would be the best person to handle it. In what was probably my finest hour, I said "well I thought you would take care of it, not start crying on the phone with her. Did you give her our house, too? Did you give her access to our bank account? Did you invite her to our house for Thanksgiving and tell her she could take whatever she wanted out of our house?!" Yes, me being most charitable in this season of thanks and gratitude!

Later, as I was cleaning and putting away all the things that we have been blessed with, I started to feel ashamed of myself. I married Gary because of those traits. He is very compassionate, always looks out for the ones that are suffering, loving, patient, is very faithful and firm in his beliefs, and I felt that I had those same traits. Gary and I thought we would make a great team (his analogy, not mine), because we both wanted the same things. Boy, did he get the surprise of his life!

I apologized for my rant and sarcasm yesterday after church. Did you notice all those talks on gratitude?! I let him know I was grateful that he had handled the situation the way he did and grateful for his example. He accepted my apology and then he told me about the ride home from church. He had all the kids, I got to ride home by myself. Usually, I'm the one with all the kids. He said "now I know why it is hard for you to be grateful. It's hard to be grateful when you have to drive home with all that noise and contention." He sent all the kids to their room as soon as he got home with them and was reading to Carson when I got home. Carson fell asleep, the house was quiet... it was like heaven on earth!

We had a nice afternoon walk (just the two of us), held hands, and while I was gasping for air, I even felt grateful for the cooler weather and all the blessings that we have been given. Hmmm..... maybe I won't have to go to that hot place after all. Phew!!

Why I Will Die An Early Death

I worry A LOT so I have been trying to ease up on the worrying.

Someone told me that "they" (whoever "they" are) were predicting 90,000 deaths from swine flu by Christmas this year. Did I freak out? Nope. Remember my swine flu freak out in April?

Obama was elected president and I heard all of the gloom and doom from people who know better than to tell me these things (Gary). I didn't even bother making plans to run away and find a safe place to live. I have heard that Texas can get out of being part of the United States if they need to. So my plan is to stay here and hope that if things get really bad Texas will decide to part ways with the USA. No freak outs, though, I just made a plan!

I have been letting Kinsey go to the bus stop even when there is no one to go with her. Yes, I have visions of kidnapping and other horrible things, but I try to let those things go and just think happy thoughts. Here's hoping that is the right thing to do.

I am about ready to let Chris drive a car. I say "NO!" to those thoughts of car crashes, drunk drivers, and his lack of a long attention span. I might even let him drive without one of us in the car with him (once he's legal). I have put my foot down about being the one to teach him, though. That will be up to Gary and the State of Texas. I know my limits!!!

I let Carson ride the school bus, even when Emily isn't on it. That is a hard one for me because he can't tell me if someone is mean to him. I am hoping I will have mother's intuition if something isn't right. I still let him ride though because he loves it and it gives him a little bit of independence.

I let Emily go play with friends in the neighborhood. I even told her it was okay to ride her bike around the neighborhood. That was before she decided to ride her bike to Sonic without asking for permission (which I would not have given her) and then stopping at the Jack-in the-Box drive-thru to ask for a cup of water. She was in lots of trouble and I did freak out a little then.

I started letting Jared ride his bike to school. It has been a very difficult thing to not worry about, because he very rarely comes straight home. He always has to stop on the way to hunt for rocks, sticks, pecans, and turtle shells. I have quit freaking out when he isn't home on time. I realize that he has this need to hunt for things that annoy his mom.

See how far I had come? Well, all of that improvement just disappeared today.

Today I got a phone call from my husband at around 12:30. It was very bad reception so all I got out of it was: Jared...everything okay.....hit by car........call schools.....need current phone numbers...bike messed up...will get it later! WHAT?!!!!! He was hit by a car? When? Where? I knew he was okay or I would have wanted to know that too! This accident happened around 8 am. I have been in car line before so I know that there are lots of teachers and parents around, yet no one took him to the office. The lady that hit him asked if he was okay and then left after getting Jared's home phone number so she could finish him off contact us later. She didn't bother to take him to the office to be checked out or even tell him to go to the office to get checked out, so he just went to class. She went home and tried to call the office, but they had their after hours recording on until after 10:30. The nurse called him in to get him checked out sometime after the principal heard from the lady. They did not get in touch with us until 12:30. Now I have to admit that I forgot to contact the school after we changed our home and cell phone numbers, but they had four numbers (three of them had changed). Instead of calling Gary's office they called our emergency contact and she told Gary (she works at the same office). Am I the only parent that has a thirteen year old that doesn't know what to do when something like this happens? Yeah, don't answer that. What happened to the village? Is it too much to ask for someone to step up and tell the boy to go to the office to tell them what happened or at least call his mom? Am I expecting too much?!! I have been nauseous since 12:30 and now my heart is racing and I have a headache. Back to square one. I think I need therapy or relaxation techniques or chocolate.

He came home with a smile on his face, excited to tell me all about his latest adventure and that his new bike was totaled (his words). I think that boy is going to kill me.

So, to all those kind people that have told me not to worry so much...

SEE...I TOLD YOU IT WOULD HAPPEN!!!

I am sooo grateful that he did not get hurt more. Just a few scrapes and bruises. I'm thankful for the prayer that Gary gave this morning asking that all of our children be kept safe. Now if my heart would just calm down.

Oil Painting 101

In the midst of my depression, I was encouraged to sign up for an oil painting class. I wasn't really enthused about it, but signed up hoping that it would atleast encourage me to get out of bed, take a shower and leave the house atleast one day a week. I am actually starting to enjoy the class and have found out that I don't stink at painting (much).

I will now unveil what I have painted so far since so many of my blog followers asked to see them (well it was really only one follower and she is my sister so she had to request it). I hope you enjoy them and are not scarred for life.

This is my very first painting. I kind of like it, but I think it needs a little improvement.



This is my second painting. It is my favorite so far. I even signed it (don't look at the signature though, it looks like a toddler did it).



My third painting. I can't decide if I like it or not. I love the way the fence and sea oats turned out, but the waves bug me. If you stand far away from it, it looks better.



This is the one I am currently working on. It is a long way from being finished. I love the old tuscan buildings. I can hear everyone saying "It's a building? Oooohhhh...now I can kind of see it!" I know it looks like this one should be condemned, but in the original picture it looks beautiful. I am trying to do the bricks right now and as you can see it is not going well. Hopefully it will be nice when I finish it.



So...which one is your favorite? I would put one of those fancy poll things on my blog, but I don't know how to do it. Remember, if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all. I guess if I don't get any comments I'll know everyone hated them. So sad :(

Well, ta ta for now! I must go and practice painting my signature for when I'm famous.

Thou Shalt Not Covet

I have a confession to make. I am a blog stalker follower. I love to read blogs, even those of people I don't know. They make me laugh, cry and break one of the 10 commandments. You know, the one that says "thou shalt not covet".

I do not covet my "neighbour's house, nor my neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his a**." What I covet is their seemingly perfect life. I want to be the loving, energetic wife and mom. The mom that inspires her children to choose the right. The mom that loves to read the Book of Mormon and is so excited to share it with everyone she meets. The mom that loves to serve everyone and always thinks about taking in a meal, babysitting for others, and cleaning a house for someone in need. The perfect wife and mom that exists in the blog world. These women are amazing. They plant a garden, harvest their veggies, plant fruit trees, can everything they grow, have their year's supply of food and water, sew, craft, decorate their home, home school their kids, plan fun activities, keep the house clean, plant flowers and still have a smile on their face and love their husband and children. Who wouldn't covet that?!

I have to confess that sometimes I can be a little bitter too (which is probably breaking another commandment) because I don't do all those things. Then I am hard on myself, so I start yelling at my kids to clean their rooms, do their homework, be perfect! When that doesn't work I start yelling at Gary to clean the kitchen, cook dinner, get my list of projects done, be perfect! Then I start yelling at myself to keep a clean house, get the laundry done, be nicer, make dinner, go to the grocery store, BE PERFECT! I think I have finally figured out why that's not working for me. My kids aren't perfect, Gary's not perfect, I'm not perfect and......that's okay. I just have to do the best I can.

So excuse me while I pat myself on the back for the good that I have done. Here's the list:

1. Today I decided it was time. My hair was greasy, I hadn't showered in days, and had worn my pajamas until I had to get dressed to meet the bus...in the afternoon...at 3:00 PM. I had to do something with my hair soooooo I put powder in it to soak up the grease. Ha Ha just kidding. I did something even more fantastic....I TOOK A SHOWER, WASHED MY HAIR WITH SHAMPOO, SHAVED EVERYWHERE THAT NEEDED SHAVING, DRIED MY HAIR, PUT ON MAKEUP AND GOT DRESSED!!! All before 10:00 AM. Wow, I am superwoman!

2. I did not do "fend for yourself" dinner every night. Two days this week I...wait for it...prepare to be amazed....COOKED DINNER WITH REAL, UNPROCESSED FOOD! One night I made BBQ chicken, baked potatoes (baked in the OVEN), and we even had a veggie! The other night I made beef stroganoff, from my food storage and everyone liked it! Wow...I am woman hear me roar!

3. I walked around the neighborhood with my husband, we held hands, I only complained a little, and I only insulted Gary a few times. I didn't even yell at him while we were walking! We walked 4 TIMES last week! I bet you're wondering "How does she do it?!"

4. I got myself up, dressed, made up, Carson dressed and to the doctor's office. ALL BEFORE 8:30 AM ON A MONDAY MORNING! I didn't even have a meltdown in the doctor's office. Poor Carson has strep throat so I have been nursing him back to health AND I have been patient! I only got a little annoyed with him once! He was annoyed with me to. That's how we roll, people!

5. I made it to my oil painting class ON TIME! I worked hard painting bricks (those are hard suckers to paint) and I didn't get annoyed with my painting abilities! I will have to show you all of my FABULOUS paintings sometime. I know what you're thinking...SHE PAINTS TOO?! Now, now don't get jealous. Remember, "thou shalt not covet thy friends artistic abilities!"

6. I went to the SPHS football game, in semi-formal attire, to help recognize my senior in high school. Can you believe it...he made it to 12th grade without me strangling him or locking him in his room for 12 years? I'm even considering letting him DRIVE A CAR! Oh, I also didn't tackle the announcer, take his microphone, and tell everyone to BE QUIET! I let the crowd scream! Look how far I have come! Please, please, hold your applause until the end of my post!

7. I helped cheer up a friend that was having to clean up 6 year old crap. Her word not mine I always call it the proper term...poop! Now if you are wondering if the poop was 6 years old and why she bothers cleaning it now...after 6 years, and why she doesn't just throw everything away that was ruined, you might be embarrassed when you find out that the poop was actually from her 6 year old special needs girl. Don't be embarrassed, that's what I thought too! When she heard that, she BELLY LAUGHED! While she was cleaning poop that had been spread everywhere (carpet, walls, bed spread) and trying to not flip out, she belly laughed! I'm so glad I was there in her hour of need to cheer her up! I know...it's just a gift I have!

8. I am going to go show my children how awesome they are by eating the cookie dough they just made. I might even go so far as to say yum! I have to be careful though because they can get vicious when they are feeling like someone is going to steal their cookie dough! They are so cute when they are slapping my hands and yelling at me. Bless their hearts! How did I get so lucky to have such wonderful children?!

Well, I should stop now before you start to covet thy friend's awesomeness!

You may now applaud!

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

My Love/Hate Relationship With Fall

Okay...I admit it! I am a debbie-downer, a glass half-empty kind of girl, a party pooper, a negative-nellie....I'm sorry!!! I think of the negative, although I have to say that it feels like the negative found me a long time ago and won't let up (just sayin')!

So anyway.....is anybody out there still reading this?

Fall is a very beautiful time of year. I want to love fall. Really, I do! The cooler temperatures, the leaves changing, walking hand-in-hand with my dreamboat husband. The exciting holidays coming! What's not to love?! Then, just when you start to think that maybe this year will be different...BAM...Halloween preparations smack you right in the head and you suddenly remember why you don't like fall or winter.

*Warning* This post contains some violence and may or may not be based on a true story.

The costumes! There's the costume decision, the mind-changing, the crowds at party city, the expensive, cheaply-made costumes, the crowds at party city, finding make-up, the crowds at party city, the fake hair, and did I mention the crowds at party city?!

Halloween comes. You start to get them ready for some fun while they are kicking and screaming! Nooooooo...I don't want to be Batman!! I want to be Superman! At this point, you, being a perfectly reasonable mom, are quickly approaching the raving lunatic stage of Halloween. The insane person who starts yelling "YOU WILL PUT THIS COSTUME ON RIGHT NOW!!! YOU WILL LIKE IT AND YOU WILL HAVE FUN, BY GOLLY! IF YOU DON'T STOP THIS BEHAVIOR THIS INSTANT, I WILL BEAT YOU AND THEN SELL YOU TO THE CIRCUS!" Just for the record, I don't beat my children or sell them to the circus!

You are now sweaty, but you have to recover quickly because the doorbell starts ringing! You open the door, murmuring under your breath something like "who the heck goes trick-or-treating at 5:00?!" You take a deeeeep breath, smile sweetly to the little ones at the door, tell them how cute they are and then give them candy and tell them Happy Halloween. The door is not even closed before you are screaming at your little demons to come here! They look at you with their little red, watery eyes as you tell them to SMILE(!) for the camera so mommy can take their picture as the doorbell rings again. Before you can get them to pose again, the older ones are running out the door to go trick-or-treating with friends as your smiling husband comes home and says "who's ready to go trick-or-treating?!" At this point, the little one is so traumatized that he is willing to go anywhere that his crazy mom is not! So they happily go off, but you are not allowed to go with them because "well, honey, you are scary and you frighten him." So, once again, you stay home and pass out candy. As the night goes on, the older tricksters (you know, those young parents with the newborn) come by and look offended that you only have the cheap stuff.

After two cul-de-sacs, the little one is ready to call it a night. He can not take one.more.step! So, you head inside to get all of the good stuff out of his stash before someone else gets it. You know, the kids that are too cool for trick-or-treating but not too cool to eat the candy brought home by the little brother. At this point, you leave the bowl of candy on the porch and write a note "please, don't ring the doorbell just take what you want! Also, please do not plaster our pumpkin all over our house, yard, driveway, or street! We are sorry about the cheap candy, but we couldn't buy the expensive stuff because of the expense of costumes (and have you seeeeen the crowds at party city?)"

Soon the ones that are "not too proud to go trick-or-treating as long as we go with someone besides our parents" start to trickle in. They have loads of candy, but can't share because, well you know, they hardly got anything. What? These two pillow cases? Well, yes, they are full to the brim, but that will only last until tomorrow! If we share, it will be gone tonight! Oh, and can we have this out of little brother's stash?!

You finally get them to go to bed 5 hours later after the candy high wears off! Just as you are laying your head on the pillow, you realize that you never did get a picture, and as if on cue, you hear the pumpkin smash against the front door! Wasn't that a fun night your sweet husband asks as he drifts off to snore land. You seriously think of smothering him with your pillow, but luckily are too tired to follow thru. Yeah, great fun...I can't wait for next year you say as you drift off to sleep. For some reason you dream about that movie groundhog day except in your dream it is Halloween that you have to do over every day!

The End

No.....I'm not bitter. Why do you ask? Do I sound bitter?

We managed to get costumes, we braved the crowds at party city (and target and walmart). We even managed a trip to the salvation army for an old prom dress. Some of my kids used their imagination and came up with a costume on their own.

We went to the trunk-or-treat at our church on Friday night. It was loads of fun. They had a yummy soup dinner with rolls and a pumpkin dessert. Carson shed his costume as soon as we got there. He wanted to get his picture taken with the Great Pumpkin until he got up close and realized that the GP was a little scary. Here is Emily and Elizabeth with the GP trying to coax Carson up on his lap. Hats off to the GP who sat there a long time with a pumpkin on his head!



Carson was a firefighter (see...nothing like the story above)



Look! We managed a picture with the hat!



Carson enjoying the other activities offered. No costume :(

The best part though was visiting all the trunks to get treats. I enjoyed the peace and quiet of the back of our van. I would show you a picture of it all scaried up with fabulous Halloween spookies but I don't want you to get jealous or anything. Okay, okay...no, we didn't decorate our van. We did have candy though and that seemed to be enough. What a great night! The activities committee always does a fantastic job!

Saturday night was the real trick-or-treating night. The kids happily and willingly dressed up in their costumes.....except Carson, who did not see the point in dressing up AGAIN! Then we reminded him of the candy and he was dressed in a split second.

Chris has dressed like a teenager too cool to go trick-or-treating for the past couple of Halloweens. He was spot-on...he even added a few good eye-rolls for effect. This year, since Halloween was on a Friday night, he was dressed up as a member of the Stony Point HS Marching band performing in the special Halloween half-time show. That seems to be the favorite performance of the season. You can watch it here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jEsAzE5d3cU (sorry I don't know how to do one of those link thingies)

Kinsey and her friend Lauren were dead prom queens. They created a storyline that involved two girls wasting each other because they both liked the prom king. They tried really hard to get someone to play the prom king but didn't have much luck. They still went as dead prom queens, I can't remember what happened to the prom king. Maybe they wasted him before wasting each other? Kinsey had the best halloween since she's been in Texas. The first two years were sad because of that pact she made with herself "hmphf...I will go with you to Texas because I have no other choice, but I will not like it and I will NOT have friends for atleast a year!" She didn't have friends to go with so she had to go with her parents and little brother! How embarrassing! This year she found a friend to go with and didn't even have to be in the same neighborhood with her parents. Yes, life is good for Kinsey right now!



Jared came up with a very clever costume this year...without buying a thing. He was a nerd. It was really a stretch for him because he is a football jock you know! He was thrilled to be able to go out with his friend Josh. Josh dressed up like an old man. He even had the walk down. They were so happy that they could go without a parent and that they were in the same state this year!



Emily and her friend Elizabeth were witches. They scored a trick-or-treating spot with friends and their parents. They would "check-in" once in a while because they are responsible like that (or they wanted to get more candy from the home front). They had a great night and ate most of their treats before the night was finished.




Carson had to go with dad. He loves his dad though so that was okay by him. He didn't really want to be a firefighter that night, but he is really into the Halloween thing! He is amazed that all he has to do is ring a doorbell and people tell him how cute he is and give him candy! He really likes to walk right on in to people's homes to have a looksy. You know, just to get a feel for the neighborhood. Sometimes he even gets another treat on the way out. He knows how to work the system!



I stayed home passing out candy again. I thought I was better this year, but I guess not. We gave away all our candy and then shut out the lights. We got "booed" this year (someone leaves a treat on your doorstep and leaves a little ghost to hang on your window. You are then supposed to hand out treats to two more families.) Shhhh....don't tell anyone, we never did get around to that! This is the first year that we did not carve pumpkins. We even used white pumpkins several years before it was the "in" thing to do. We used to be trend setters! This year, though, we were just tired. No Halloween decorations except for a little ghost that my friend gave me. Good news, though, with no pumpkin there was no pumpkin smashing!

It makes me a little sad that all of my kids (except Carson) prefer to go trick-or-treating with someone else. They are getting older and their parents are soooo yesterday! Sigh.......

We had a wonderfully fun night, though, and no tears were shed. Oh, and Gary escaped death by pillow yet again because this year he was home for the prep work and he remembered to take pictures! What a dreamboat he is!!

The Depths of Despair

At the end of August our church leaders asked us to fast and pray for rain. It had been a very hot summer with little rain. The area had very strict water restrictions, the lakes were drying up, the plants were drying up, the people were drying up...well maybe not the people, but it was hot and miserable. So our family, along with many other families, fasted and prayed for rain. A few days later the rain started falling, not a heavy downpour, but a gentle, steady soaking. Everyone was so grateful. I normally love the rain, but I started to have trouble coping with my days with the steady stream of rain.

A few weeks into the almost constant stream of rain, a friend of mine from church passed away. She was young, had a loving husband and three young children. It was a sad time for everyone. I was sad, I ached for her family, I also wondered why it could not have been me. I told my husband I was envious. She didn't suffer long, she thought she had the flu and that it would get better soon. She went to bed one night, had a seizure and never woke up. That's what I wanted to do. Go to bed and never wake up. Now I am not suggesting that that was the best thing for her family, I know they are sad and greiving the loss.

I honestly felt like if that happened to me, that would be a good thing for my husband and children. Maybe Gary could find a girl that would love my children, that she would be happy and enjoy this life like Gary does. Maybe my children would have a mom that would have lots of energy, want to do fun things, like to go out and do things and have adventures. Maybe they would have a mom that wasn't sad all the time.

The rain was still falling and I was falling deeper and deeper into a state of depression. I was decorating my house, I wanted it to be clean and organized and pretty. I wanted my husband and children to enjoy the home they were living in. I was even excited enough to invite people over to see what I had been working on. The closer it came to the actual day, I could hardly get out of bed. My kids loved the decorating and organization, but they didn't see the reason to maintain it. I was discouraged and didn't see the need either. I just felt like sleeping all day. I cancelled the lunch that I had invited people to.

I signed up for an oil painting class. I was hoping that would give me something to look forward to. I started dreading the class, because it was so much effort to get out of bed, get dressed, be prepared for class, and then my pictures weren't perfect so I got even more discouraged.

The rain was still falling and I had hit rock bottom. Simple things like taking a shower were too much of an effort. I would get up, get my kids out the door to school and then go back to bed. They would come home in the afternoon and I was still asleep. The sadness and loneliness were almost unbearable and I was still hoping that I would fall asleep and never wake up. Gary would come home at night, nothing had been done all day, there was no dinner on the table and I would be sitting in a chair in my room barely able to communicate except with a nod or shake of the head.

Everyone was so excited about the weather. It had started to get cooler outside. Fall had arrived. Everyone seems to love fall. I don't love fall. I want to love fall, I want to enjoy the new season, the holidays that are coming. Fall makes me sad. I don't know why, I used to love fall, but now it makes me sad.

I am blessed that I have a husband who supports me even when I have hit the bottom. He doesn't get mad when he comes home to a messy house and no dinner. He just does what he can to help out. I'm sure sometimes he wonders why he has a wife that cannot enjoy life. He offers suggestions that I never take, but I know that he loves me because he keeps coming home every night.

I have a good doctor that helps to adjust my medicine, I have a good therapist that trys to help me adjust my thinking. The medicine is easy, but I haven't learned how to turn off the recording in my head that tells me all day every day that I am stupid, lazy, fat, worthless, that life would be better for everyone if I just disappeared. I am working on that, but it's hard to change the way you talk to yourself and the things that I hear me saying are not nice. I would never say them to someone else.

Last week I woke up one day and didn't feel like going back to bed. I had the urge to tackle a project. I didn't do anything that day, but I felt encouraged by that feeling. I still have very low energy and sometimes I go back to bed. Gary has noticed a difference though. I smile more, I talk more, I even paid the bills last week.

When my sister had breast cancer, everyone rallied around her. She received letters, cards, meals, hugs. She had the support she needed, everyone was praying for her and her family. She loved people, she loved attention, it was so fitting that she had a disease that was out in the open for everyone to see. I am so grateful she had that comfort and support. When you have depression you suffer in silence most of the time. I try to put on a brave face when I go out. If someone asks how I'm doing, I usually say I'm fine. I don't like to draw attention to myself. I will say hi to someone, but I don't usually go out of my way to carry on a conversation with someone. If I do, I usually run the whole conversation over in my mind the rest of the day, trying to figure out if I said anything to offend. It is also fitting that I have a disease like depression. If you're really good at hiding things, no one knows you even suffer.

I feel like the sun is starting to peek through the clouds again. I feel better, I might even get up and do something (or maybe I'll wait until tomorrow). I still sometimes wish that I could go to sleep and never wake up, but not all the time. Small improvements are good.

Depression is hard to live with. I want to have friends, I want to have fun but rarely do I have the energy at the end of the day to do things. I have a friend that invites me to do things. Even though I usually say no, she hasn't stopped inviting me. I'm really grateful. It gives that negative thought in my head something to think about. I don't think it is easy to like someone that has depression. We are such downers. Everyday I wonder when it will go away. Is this just the trial I have to go through? Will I ever be able to enjoy life? Will I ever see the joy in the change of seasons? Will I look forward to Christmas? I hope so. I guess for now, I will look for the small improvements every day.

If you know someone with depression, go give them a hug. They won't tell you they need one, but they are probably telling themselves that they are a loser and no one would want to be their friend. Maybe your hug will be the thing that gives them courage to stick around for another day.

Luncheon Postponed

I signed up for an art class on Wednesdays and then realized I had planned a lunch on the same day that the class is. I am going to postpone the lunch for another day. Have a great week.

My Visiting Teacher

Last week I had a visit from my visiting teacher. She dropped by to bring me a gift from her trip to Brazil. It was a beautiful hand-painted, hand-crocheted dish cloth. The colors matched my home and personality perfectly. I loved it...it was way too pretty to use as a dishcloth. I have been trying to decide to either frame it or hang it on a hook.

We talked for a few minutes about her trip, her children and if I was doing okay. She was sorry that she hadn't been a better visiting teacher and that she would do better now that summer was over. We talked about getting our families together in a week or two for dinner. Then we said our goodbyes

This friend visited me in the hospital when I was sick. She has invited me to breakfast and lunch. She has visited me many times and always shared her sweet spirit with me. Her husband was our home teacher for a while. He came faithfully every month. He always shared a wonderful lesson with us. Sometimes he shared his wife's wonderful treats with us. It was fun getting to know this wonderful family.

I taught her son in primary. He was quiet, but confident. What stood out the most to me was his beautiful voice. I loved listening to him sing the primary songs. I was anxious to meet the parents of this 10 year old boy. I knew they would be amazing.

Last week my friend had the flu. Her children were also sick, so I'm sure she spent a lot of time nurturing her children even though she didn't feel well. The flu seemed to linger in their home for a long time. Then I heard that my friend had suffered a seizure and was in the hospital. My friend lost her battle with this unknown illness and passed away yesterday. She leaves behind a heartbroken husband, three children and lots of family. She also leaves behind a lot of friends that were blessed to know her.

Estela, you will be missed. It doesn't seem right that such a wonderful wife, mother, daughter and friend should leave us so early. I can only imagine that Heavenly Father must need strong, faithful women on the other side. We will watch over your family here. What a privilege that will be. We love you Estela.

Don't Jump!!!

Jared decided to jump from the balcony at the beach house. Da dum...da dum...da dum (suspenseful music)...

It did not end well.

Hey Jared...jumping off a balcony can be quite fun, but that sudden stop will get you every time!

My kids are so creative!

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Ahhh...all is right in my world again. My kiddos are back in school and my house is now returning to a quiet and peaceful retreat for mom (well for a few hours anyway). The first week of school has gone well. We only lost one child, missed one breakfast (and lunch, because someone in the family was being very slow) and only waited in car line for 1 hour the first day of school. I think that's a pretty impressive way to start off the year!

Here's the first day of school picture. I had to get them in stages.

Carson was very excited to ride the bus and see all of his friends at school. He had a very great day and enjoyed every minute.

Emily and Carson on the first day of school. Emily had a great day and likes her teachers. One of her teachers is her friends mom. That was very exciting for her.

The big kids Chris, Jared, and Kinsey. They all had a great first day also. They like their teachers and seem to be excited (as excited as a kid can get) about school this year. This is Kinsey's first year of high school and seminary. She loves dance, art, and french class. Jared is trying out for the football team ( I have already worried about him breaking his neck and being in a wheel chair for the rest of his life). This is Chris' last year of high school (I can't believe I am old enough to have a senior). He is hoping to get his driver's license and eagle project done. Right now he is enjoying marching band season and Friday night football.

Shhh...can I tell you a secret? It is awfully quiet around here and I do enjoy it, but sometimes I miss not having them around. I fill my time with things to do around the house. My goal is to have the house put together, organized and decorated by the end of 2009. I want to start the new decade with a clean slate. What do you think...is it possible?

Awwwww....you missed me!

Well, Jeannie missed me anyway. It feels so good to be missed. I didn't think anyone ever missed me. Thanks Jeannie. Yes...I have been feeling sorry for myself lately. Poor me, I have no friends.

Okay...enough of the sappy stuff. Where have I been? I have been at home making a giant mess while decorating my house and driving myself crazy. It all started when my friend Paula came into town. We were supposed to have a quiet weekend away from home...a girl's weekend away. Then we got this half-baked idea to go out shopping for stuff to decorate my home. It was lots of fun, we spent way too much money, and then I sort of lost my mind. She got bad news from home and had to leave a day early which gave us less time to actually put the stuff in the house. I am such a good friend! Instead of being there for her in her hour of need, all I could think of was wait, you can't leave, you have to decorate my home! We got lots done but didn't get finished. That left me to finish...{cue scary music!}

I have been working on it for a week. Has it been only a week? It feels like forever. I have been looking for the perfect ottoman. I found the perfect one at Restoration Hardware for only $1100. Ack! Needless to say, as patient as he has been all through this, Gary said heck no! He's so unreasonable! Sheesh! So, I have been searching the internet and stores all hours of the day and night. I found one at a furniture consignment shop and thought it would work. So I brought it home, moved it into the house and thought it was a little too tall. I got the brillant idea to take the legs off and it was perfect! I was so happy. Then Gary came home and he was less than excited about it. The room had clutter in it from the mess I had made and he couldn't see it. So then I sent a picture to my friend and she thought it was so so. She wasn't crazy about the color, thought it was too beige.

Later that night, as I sat in my chair unresponsive to outside stimulus, Gary could see I was about to crack. He took matters into his own hands and called a decorator and asked if she could come over stat because his wife was slowly losing her mind. I love my husband...he could see I was slowly headed to lala land and so he called a decorator. What a man! She came over today. I love what she did. She even gave me compliments on the things that I had bought...on...my...own! I have enough stuff to decorate five homes but have never used and she used a lot of it. What a relief!

Anyway... here are the pictures. I wish I had before pictures but I forgot to do that. What do you think?

My family room with the main focus being the fireplace instead of the TV. Carson thinks the main focus should be the TV though. That is his permanent spot.

Another view of the family room. Look, Carson is still in the same spot!

My wonderful fireplace. Don't you just love it?



This is the living room. I still have a few things to do in here, but it is such an improvement over what it was!

So, now I want people over so I am having a open house/come tell me what you think luncheon on Wednesday, Sept. 16th at 11:00 am. Please say you'll come (and that you'll bring some luncheon item to share). I know that is tacky, but if I try to do all the food by myself I'll crack. Let me know if you can come. It will be fun...there might even be chocolate!

I Tried Jumping Into Life...

I suggested that everyone should jump into life and enjoy it. I tried to follow my own advice when we were at the beach, but I've decided I am just plain old dull and boring. I tell myself every year that this will be the year that I spend every day frolicking on the beach (okay, I never frolic) but I will atleast go to the beach...in my bathing suit...and actually go into the water (shudder). I never do it and I am then mad at myself until the next year when I look out towards the beach, stick my foot out the door to see how hot it is (usually blazing), and decide that the best place to be is in the house with A/C, eating all the junk food. I then decide that maybe tomorrow I will put on a bathing suit. Probably not though because...well, it just ain't pretty. Then the cycle starts over and I am mad at myself for yet another year!

I did manage to go out of the house one day for our annual family picture. We took a very nice picture except I had to kneel down in the sand and water because Carson was freaking out (I know there he is looking like an angel). We took pictures with all of us wearing the Lori Udy's (my sister) 5K run/walk t-shirt.

After the whole family picture we took our little family picture. It only took 7 tries to get two good (good for us) pictures:

Then we decided to do the jumping pictures. Let me just say that Lori made it look so easy, but jumping is not an easy thing to do and...well, just take a look:

Boys Jumping...Take 1

Boys Jumping...Take 2

Boys Jumping...Take 3

Boys Jumping...Take 4

and we have a winner!!!

Girls Jumping...Take 1

and we have a winner!!!

Dad, Mom, and Carson Jumping: Take 1

Dad, Mom and Carson Jumping: Take 2

Dad, Mom, and Carson Jumping: Take 3

This was when we decided we are just too old for this stuff. Do you see me trying to lift my body off the steps? It's hard work...so hard that the only way Gary could do it was sticking out his tongue. The first jump we didn't get Carson far enough up and he scratched his foot on the steps. The second jump I am really trying to jump high and Gary missed the "jump" part of ready, set, jump by a split second. The third jump we jumped so fast we were a blur (ha!) Then Chris and Emily stepped in to help their old mom and dad out. Chris was so busy trying to help Carson that he forgot to jump, but look at the pure joy on Carson's face. He knows how to jump into life and enjoy.

The moral of the story? Enjoy life, but do it the way you enjoy doing it, not the way someone else enjoys it.

The End

Heaven....I'm In Heaven

Jared's best friend from Florida came into town yesterday. I have not heard one scream since then. What do you get when the kids are playing nicely, do not hit or scream at each other, or cry? One very happy mom. I even got to sleep in. Ahhhhh...life is good (atleast for now).

Jump Into Life And Enjoy It

We are going to Florida on Friday. This is our trip that we take every year...one of our favorite family traditions. We spend a week on the beautiful beaches of Florida (I love the white sand). We eat lots of junk, laugh a lot, get together with extended family, play games, make lots of noise, relax, and eat more junk.

I am having a hard time with the trip this year. This will be the first time that we will go to the beach without my sister. Her husband and children will be there, but she won't. We have always laughed a lot because she was so entertaining. She told stories that no one would believe, unless you knew her. She loved to sit on the porch or walk with my dad in the early morning when everyone else was sleeping. Last year she was too tired to walk so she was sitting on the beach and saw some dolphins swim by. She was trying to get my dad's attention so he could see them too and wishing she could see them closer. Then one of the dolphins turned around, swam up close to her, jumped out of the water and then swam away. She got her wish. She was so happy.

My sister and her husband had a tradition of their own. They would get a picture of themselves jumping off the boardwalk. They have one of just the two of them, then the three of them, then the four of them. She had the pictures hung on her wall when I went to Florida for her funeral. Such a simple tradition, but what a beautiful memory for her children.

I think if she were here she would tell me to jump into life and enjoy it. I'm going to try harder. Maybe we will even take a jumping picture this year. So...from my sister to you...don't be afraid to jump into life and enjoy it.

Pioneer Children Didn't Sing THAT Song

Emily has been asking me every single minute of the day for a few weeks for a nightgown like the one I made for Kinsey for her Pioneer Trek. I have been dreading so excited to make her one so the other day I finally did. She has been wearing the thing day and night (with the Laura Ingalls bonnet) for a few days now and can't wait for the Pioneer Day celebration at our church.

I have been trying to enjoy the summer with my children. It is very difficult though when they don't listen to me. For example, I ordered a cheap Book of Mormon for everyone so they would have them for scripture reading. Laura Ingalls aka Emily quickly claimed one and started reading it. Laura Ingalls was starting to get on my nerves because she had been asked several times to go change and then do her kitchen chore. I told Laura Ingalls in my best mad mom voice that if she didn't GO CHANGE NOW AND THEN DO HER KITCHEN CHORE that Laura Ingalls would have to go away for a really long time because she was causing too much trouble. Laura Ingalls then said "but Mom, I'm reading the Book of Mormon right now. It's a REALLY GOOD BOOK!!" I then told her to put the book away and go change. I know, I know bad mom example #1,000,000,001. All she wanted to do was read the Book of Mormon, sheesh!

Later on in the day, I heard someone pounding on the floor with music playing. I quickly figured out that dance dance revolution was being played by Carson and Laura Ingalls. Laura Ingalls was singing along to the music. She learned one line of the song and sang it over and over again. I hate it when she does that because then I get the song stuck in my head. She is upstairs singing over and over in her very loud, very best impersonation of whoever sang this song "I NEED SOME HOT LOVE BABY TONIGHT!" I should have gone upstairs and turned that song off and told her in no uncertain terms that the song is very inappropriate! Instead, I laid in my bed wondering where I had gone wrong! I know, I know, bad mom example #1,000,000,002.

So, pioneer day is today. I hope you are ready to celebrate. You should dress up like Laura Ingalls (or her dad if you are a boy). We are going to go to the celebration at the church. We are going to learn about how the pioneers distracted themselves as they walked and walked. Do you think they sang "I need some hot love baby tonight"?

For those of you who are thinking "boy, she really knows her church history", I did not know it was Pioneer Day today. That is until Gary got up this morning and asked me if I would like to make him some oatmeal in honor of pioneer day today. I said no. He is part of the handcart group that got caught in the storm and he has to go hungry. I guess I should go be a nice wife and make him some oatmeal. Sigh!

My Love/Hate Relationship With Ikea

Several years back I found out about Ikea and ordered their catalog. At the time, I was living in Orlando and there wasn't one near by. I would look through the catalog and drool over their stuff and marvel at how inexpensive they were. Gary knew about this relationship of mine with Ikea, but he was not jealous at all! One morning he called me and said "guess what?! I just heard on the radio that an Ikea is opening up here in a year." Well, to say I was excited would be an understatement...I couldn't wait for it to come to town so I could go and spend all of our money. Gary, on the other hand, was not so excited. He was not jealous or nervous because I couldn't shop at Ikea, just drool, but now it was coming to town and he was a little worried about our bank account. So...what does any man who is worried about his bank account do? He starts looking for a job in another state and moves his family across the country away from Ikea before it is even finished. I was so sad. I had missed seeing this wonderful place by a few months.

His plan backfired though, because he moved us to a place with an Ikea just minutes from our home. He called me from Texas one morning before we had gotten here and said "guess what. I am driving by Ikea right now." He even took a picture of the sign with his cell phone and sent it to me. I told him to stop and go check it out. He did, but he wasn't very impressed except that they did have good cinnamon rolls.

I could not believe he wasn't impressed. How can you not be impressed with a place that you can shop, eat, and even let your children play but doesn't charge a lot? I figured he was trying to discourage me so I wouldn't go and spend all of our money. So...one of the first things we did when we were all in Texas was to go to Ikea. We shopped, we ate, and as much as I hate to admit it...he was right. It wasn't that great. I felt like I was in the midst of a herd of cattle being pushed through the store. If I wanted to look at something I felt like I was stopping the normal flow of cattle and I would get run over.

So, here it is a few years later, and I still won't go to Ikea by myself. My reasons being that I can't push their dumb carts through the store, you have to walk through the whole store to get the one thing you want (boy am I tired!) and their food reminds me of the lunchroom cafeteria in elementary school (YUK!).

Gary and I went there on Saturday because we were looking for a chair for Carson, a desk for Jared, and a TV cabinet for our loft. We did not want to spend a lot of money for them either. When we got there we decided to try the play place for Carson. He was very excited to go play. After giving them our fingerprints, blood type, license, and 5 other forms of ID (I may be exaggerating a tiny bit) they let him in to play and gave us one of those restaurant buzzers and an hour to shop. So we were off, with the rest of the cattle.

Gary asked me if they had a chair that I liked for our living room because I had rearranged the furniture and we didn't have enough seats for our whole family anymore. I picked out a chair I liked but he couldn't hear me and kept walking. I kept saying it louder but by that time we had already been prodded past the chair by the people behind us who thought they were at the Indy 500. Then I got the "you are just as important as they are. If you want to look at a chair just stop and they can just go around you" speech. By this time I was annoyed (we were about 20 feet from the entrance of the store) and ready to go home. I kept plodding along even though you can't really look at anything in the store because if you stop you will get run over by the dumb carts that are completely out of control.

We found the chair we were looking for, the TV cabinet that isn't what I really wanted but will do for the good price, and saw a desk that we think will work for Jared. We still had to go through the rest of the store though. At the very end of the cattle run, we started looking for the things we needed with the aisle and bin numbers we had written down. Wouldn't you know they were out of the things we needed?! Gary went to stand in line to ask if they had anymore and I went to get Carson because our hour was up.

I went to the play place and gave them my proof that he was mine (even though he was yelling hi mom from across the play place). Then they called his name and expected him to come running over to his mom. Well, he made it perfectly clear that he was not ready to leave "NO MOMMY NO!!! So the girl working there said "Carson it's time to leave your mom is here." "NO!" Then another girl tries to reason with him...which doesn't work for most kids, but definitely not one with down syndrome (they are known for their stubbornness). Then they come and ask me if I have anything to bribe him with. Ummm...let's see...bodily harm? I even gave them permission to pick him up and bring him to me. Then she says "well, you can come back and get him, but we have to call a manager first" What?!! A manager? The manager is apparently the gate keeper. He lets the parent in, escorts the parent to the child, and says "okay _______, it's time to go." So after waiting 5 minutes for the manager, he lets me in, asks me which child is mine, escorts me over to Carson, and tells Carson it's time to go. "No!" So I drag him out of there as he screams "no, mommy, no!" As we sit down to put his shoes on he starts doing the pee pee dance and says "no pee pee". I throw his shoes on and start dragging him to the bathroom. Oh, yes, I am really over this trip to Ikea. I am no longer feeling the love!

We find Gary, who is waiting in line to pay...he did find everything. It was all in a completely different spot than what those signs said. Carson sees the picture of the ice cream cone and starts screaming for ice cream so I decide to get out of there fast and go get the car. I get him out to the car by reminding him that he has lemonade out in the car (ema-ade? yay!!) We load everything up and go home vowing to remember that we hate Ikea and will never go back!

On the Sabbath day (we were just asking for trouble) we decided to put it all together so we wouldn't have heavy boxes in the house all week (like how I justify?). It all goes together smoothly until the very last piece. It has a hole in it, which will show if we use it so guess what?! I have to go back to Ikea today to beg and plead for one part that is in one of three boxes. I just don't know if I can do Ikea twice in one week! Please pray for me!


Update: I managed to pull together the courage to go to Ikea today. They were actually very nice and efficient. They offered me 30% off or they would open a box and give me a new piece. I called Gary to get his opinion and of course he went with the money. I agreed since it was the top piece and won't show if we put a basket up there. So I left Ikea with a $74 credit. Hmmm...what should I do with all that money. I know, I'll go to the Ross across the street and spend it. So that's what I did. Turns out, for a price, I will change my tune. Today, Ikea is not such a bad place!

Appy Autday To Me?

Appy Autday to you

Appy Autday to you

Appy Autday Dear Carson

Appy Autday to you!

Happy Birthday to our cute 7 year old!

Love, Dad, Mom, Chris, Kinsey, Jared, and Emily

That's Soooo Random

I changed my blog background. I was bored with the first one and the last one reminded me of pepto bismol...too much pink.

Thank you to all the nice comments...even the crazy ones! If I am going crazy, it's because it's summer vacation and all I've heard in the house is Spongebob, Ferb, I Carly, Arthur tv shows and the always favorite "what...I shot that guy, this game is so cheap!" Carson is trying to set the new world record in the say momeeee category and someone else is trying to set the world record in making their sister tell on them. Summer is so fun. When are they going to start year-round school here?

I had another dream (I don't dream that often). This time someone was screaming so loud it woke me up. Turns out it wasn't a dream...it was my children. Don't they know that screaming before 8 am is not allowed?!!! This was after I got up at 6:00 so I could get in the shower before Gary to get ready for an early doctor's appointment that isn't until tomorrow (I hate it when I do that!) Gary decided to look at the positive side and say "you got ready really early". Yes, I always appreciate his positive attitude early in the morning!

Everyone went to the library today with friends. Carson and I stayed home. Carson doesn't like to stay home and started crying so I decided to distract him with a craft. We cut up little pieces of yellow, brown, blue, green, and red paper and then glued them to a Spongebob picture. He had lots of fun cutting paper and gluing. I've decided that I am too much of a perfectionist even when it comes to kids crafts. He kept getting mad at me for taking his pieces of paper off and moving them so that they would be inside the lines. I know, I know...bad mother!!

isn't it cute...look he even wrote his name

I was invited to go to Girl's Night Out at Dell Diamond. I hadn't replied yet, so I did today. I said "no". Everyone else was giving a reason so I did too. My choices were to lie and say I was busy or to tell the truth: (a)I don't like baseball, (b) it's too hot, (c)Dell Diamond isn't air-conditioned, or (d) all of the above. I chose c. Afterall, this is Texas and it is summer...shouldn't they have put cold air in the place?!!! I should have chosen d though because that would have been the more honest answer!

I took Jared to swimming camp today. We have a rule that you can't sit in the front seat of the car until you turn 12. He is 12 so now he's old enough. He decided to play "banana" today while we were driving, which means that every time you see a yellow car you say "banana" and tap (or hit in his case) someone. Emily was also in the car because I was taking her to a friend's house. She was his first victim and I told him to stop after he "tapped" her. Then she got out of the car and I was his second victim. I told him if he didn't stop I was going to make him walk to Cedar Park. Yeah...he knows I won't! I think I might change the age to 14!

I may have a bit of a negative attitude. I should probably go eat some chocolate except I don't have any. I just called Gary and asked him to bring some home. He asked what kind. I said every kind. I can tell that my goal to cut back on sugar and chocolate is not going to happen until after summer vacation. Only 48 more days!

he's so good to me...especially when I want chocolate!