I'm Married to Pollyanna

The last few weeks of school, Gary kept saying he couldn't wait for school to get out because that also meant that seminary was ending for the school year.  He couldn't wait to sleep in, he kept saying with much excitement and anticipation!  His wake up time for the school year was 5:35 am. 

We are now into the second week of summer and all week long his alarm has gone off at 5:45 am.  He was anxiously and happily waiting for an extra 10 minutes of sleep.  In what will probably go into the record books of amazing restraint, I have not committed one act of violence against him even though he has woken me up every morning this week at 5:45 to go walking with him.  If I were Catholic, I would be expecting a saint to be named after me any day now...Shanon, Patron Saint of Nonviolence (or something equally clever).

This morning as we were walking, I was looking down counting all of the dead squirrel carcasses I walked past (2) and feeling empathy for the worms that were struggling in a futile attempt to get off the hot concrete into the grass...although not enough empathy to pick them up and help them in their quest because ewwww...they are worms. 

At one point, the thought crossed my mind that I feel like those worms.  I feel stuck in a hard place and completely helpless to do anything about it.  I can't seem to muster up the energy to crawl to a safe place if such a place even exists.  Life is kicking us around right now.  Gary came home yesterday with news that his company is selling out and shutting down and he will be out of a job as of August 31. 

I don't know if I have what it takes to start over again.  The last 6 years have been hard and I have on more than one occasion woken up disappointed that I did not die in my sleep.  I am blessed beyond measure but am well acquainted with sorrow.  It has come and made permanent residence in my heart.  Depression...that quiet disease that no one knows about has been my constant companion for as long as I can remember.  Just when I think that maybe I have figured out a way to lay it by the wayside for a little while something comes and knocks me back into that hole that I have been trying so desperately to climb out of.

Gary is my Pollyanna because as I was walking along beside him quietly counting the dead carcasses and feeling like the dried worms, he was commenting on what a beautiful sunrise we had to look at this morning.  For a brief moment, I smiled at the hilarity of it all.  Here is my husband, who I am sure is worried because he is the sole provider of a household of 7 plus the caretaker of his mom, grateful for his extra 10 minutes of sleep and looking up instead of down at the beautiful sunrise that God gave us to enjoy this morning.

I'm sure there is a lesson somewhere in that to learn.  I'm really trying to learn it but it is so hard!!  So...here's a video dedicated to my Pollyanna.  I'm grateful that he is responsible for our family because I am a mess and would have us crawling with the worms but he is strong and positive and refuses to do anything but soar with the eagles.

Happy Father's Day to all of those dads that do hard things and especially to the dad of my children that takes such good care of us.  We really love you!!