Love Letters

Awhile back, I read about a lady whose husband would travel to his family's ranch in New Mexico to work, and while he was there she would write letters to him on her blog.  I always thought they were so sweet.  Gary has never had to travel for work (which is such a blessing) but he has just started a new job and left for Houston on Sunday night for a three week training ( he does get to come home on weekends).  While he is gone, I thought I would write him letters on my blog.  We have been explaining to Carson that Daddy was going to Houston for job training and I don't know....I just don't think he's getting it!

Dear Gary,

This was a conversation I had with Carson at 2:30 this morning (that's AM, people!!):

Carson:  Where's Daddy?
Me:  In Houston.
Carson:  Why?
Me:  Why not?!
Carson:  Home soon?
Me:  Yes....he will be home on Friday.  Now GO TO SLEEP!

This was the conversation I had with Carson at 5:30 this morning:

Carson:  Where's Daddy?
Me:  In Houston.
Carson:  Why?
Me:  Why not?!
Carson:  Home soon?
Me:  Yes....he will be home on Friday.  Now GO TO SLEEP!

This was the conversation I had with Carson at 6:00 this morning:

Me:  (Waking him up because their ride hasn't come) Come on Carson, we have to take Jared and Emily to seminary.
Carson:  Noooooo!!  Bus!!  School!!
Me:  We'll come right back and get ready for school.
At this point their ride gets here.
Me:  Grrrrrr!
Carson:  Where's Daddy?
Me:  In Houston.
Carson:  Why?
Me:  Why not?!
Carson:  Home soon?
Me:  Yes....he will be home on Friday.  Now GO TO SLEEP!

Conversation with Carson at 6:30 this morning:

Me:  Carson wake up...it's time to get ready for school.
Carson:  Grumble...roll over...sleep....snore....sleep....snore
Me:  Big heavy martyr sigh....

Guess how I feel about this.

Love you but if you ever leave me you get the kids,

Shanon

This was Gary's reply to me because he is always nice:

You are a saint and will receive a crown of glory for this!!!!  It will be well deserved!

 

Love,

Gary

 

And my reply to him because I am always a ray of sunshine:

 

No....if I were a saint, I would cheerfully hug him and reassure him and explain in great detail why his daddy abandoned....ummmm....had to go off to do training for his new job because he loves us so much and wants to provide for our family.  Then we would cuddle and I would help him to feel safe and secure.

That isn't exactly what happened. #itshardtobecheerfulandlovingat2:30inthemorning

 

Love,

 

YourcrowniscrookedShanon

 

And his saintly reply:

 

You are right. I guess this is the process of "becoming" saints. Which is also the right path to be on:)

Love you,
Gary

Doesn't that just fill your heart with thoughts of love and kindness...maybe even a few butterflies and unicorns?!

A Camping He Will Go

I have this thing....this issue, if you will....that makes me crazy.

I can hear the collective whisper of my friends saying "haha....she thinks she just has one issue that makes her crazy?!"  STOP IT!!!  I know that I have more than one issue but this issue is the one that is on my mind right now!!

So anyway...this issue that I have is that I hate being late and I hate it if anyone that I am responsible for is late.  This is an issue that I have passed on to one of my five children (which is wonderful and so comforting to know that when we are about to start running late for something that she is about to have an anxiety attack right along with me...it helps to know that I will not be lonely in the loony bin.)

The problem is that I have four other children and a husband that do not have an issue with this issue.  They also have a hard time judging how much time it will take to get ready to go places. 

So....now that I have that out in the open, I'll tell you my story.

Yesterday, Jared had a campout.  Jared is my most laid back, free-spirited, hang loose kind of kid which just means that HE DRIVES ME CRAZY!!!!  So...he decided to start getting ready for the campout at about 4:15 (he had to be at the church at 5:00).  At about 4:30, I realized that I hadn't seen one piece of camping equipment and that we needed to leave soon, so I yelled up to him that he needed to hurry.  He slowly sauntered down the stairs and said "Mom, we need to pick up Joseph on the way." 

This is the part of the story where my heart starts racing and my stomach starts hurting.  I really should have expected something like this because it's Jared.

So, he slowly wanders around grabbing things and stuffing them into his backpack.  At one point, I watched him put a Ziplock bag full of water into his backpack full of his dry clothes and food for the weekend.  I may have loudly asked "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" when I imagined the bag of water exploding all over his backpack.  He casually said "What?  My Frio pack needs to soak for a few minutes." (his Frio pack keeps his insulin cold...it's really amazing!  It has these little bead things inside that get really cold when soaked in water and it keeps his insulin at the perfect temperature the whole time he's hiking...even in Texas in the summer!)  He really didn't see why in the world I took the water bag out of his backpack.

See....this kid is going to kill me!

So anyway, we finally get on the road and I am torn between driving the speed limit (my need to always be obedient) and driving like a bat out of .... so that he is not late (my need to never be late).  I chose to drive the speed limit.  So, we pull into Joseph's neighborhood, drive all the way to his house and see Joseph wandering back to his house with all of his camping gear.  He gets into the car and says "You saw me didn't you Jared?"  Joseph was waiting at the entrance of the subdivision and I drove right past him.  I said in my most annoyed voice "You saw him waiting by the road?!  Why didn't you tell me?!"  He said "well, my water bag was leaking so I was taking care of that."

This is where those deep breathing exercises come in handy.

By this point, it was about 5:10 and so I made him call his scout leader and tell him that we were going to be late.  He gave me a heavy sigh and told me it wasn't a big deal that no one is ever on time for these things but I made him call anyway.  Just once...I would love it if a scout leader would say something like "well...Jared, we are all waiting on you and you should feel really bad about that" but instead the scout leader says "oh...that's okay...I'm not at the church yet either."  Sigh....

We get there and everyone had smiles on their faces and were all happy to see him.  Really...where are all the leaders that are annoyed and ready to teach these kids some good life lessons like the importance of being on time?!  I'm just kidding leaders....thanks for being nice!!

Jared gets out and it's at that point that I notice he is wearing clothes to hike in the winter, not in the 95 degree weather in Texas.  His scout leader is pointing out that everything he is wearing will not be allowed on their high adventure camp (they are going to Philmont) and tells him the evils of wearing cotton while hiking.  Jared says something smart-aleck-y like "I made sure to stuff my backpack with all cotton clothing."  Jared does not have that need to be obedient either.

He is still carrying around his bag of water so all of his leaders are wondering if that is his water supply for the weekend.  For some reason that struck me as funny.  I might possibly be in the loony bin sooner than I think.

As they are throwing everything into the truck, one of the leaders asks him if he has his food for the weekend.  He says "Yep!" and happily pulls out his bag of Chewy Sprees. 

That kid!!  He's going to kill me but I love him anyway!

I'm Married to Pollyanna

The last few weeks of school, Gary kept saying he couldn't wait for school to get out because that also meant that seminary was ending for the school year.  He couldn't wait to sleep in, he kept saying with much excitement and anticipation!  His wake up time for the school year was 5:35 am. 

We are now into the second week of summer and all week long his alarm has gone off at 5:45 am.  He was anxiously and happily waiting for an extra 10 minutes of sleep.  In what will probably go into the record books of amazing restraint, I have not committed one act of violence against him even though he has woken me up every morning this week at 5:45 to go walking with him.  If I were Catholic, I would be expecting a saint to be named after me any day now...Shanon, Patron Saint of Nonviolence (or something equally clever).

This morning as we were walking, I was looking down counting all of the dead squirrel carcasses I walked past (2) and feeling empathy for the worms that were struggling in a futile attempt to get off the hot concrete into the grass...although not enough empathy to pick them up and help them in their quest because ewwww...they are worms. 

At one point, the thought crossed my mind that I feel like those worms.  I feel stuck in a hard place and completely helpless to do anything about it.  I can't seem to muster up the energy to crawl to a safe place if such a place even exists.  Life is kicking us around right now.  Gary came home yesterday with news that his company is selling out and shutting down and he will be out of a job as of August 31. 

I don't know if I have what it takes to start over again.  The last 6 years have been hard and I have on more than one occasion woken up disappointed that I did not die in my sleep.  I am blessed beyond measure but am well acquainted with sorrow.  It has come and made permanent residence in my heart.  Depression...that quiet disease that no one knows about has been my constant companion for as long as I can remember.  Just when I think that maybe I have figured out a way to lay it by the wayside for a little while something comes and knocks me back into that hole that I have been trying so desperately to climb out of.

Gary is my Pollyanna because as I was walking along beside him quietly counting the dead carcasses and feeling like the dried worms, he was commenting on what a beautiful sunrise we had to look at this morning.  For a brief moment, I smiled at the hilarity of it all.  Here is my husband, who I am sure is worried because he is the sole provider of a household of 7 plus the caretaker of his mom, grateful for his extra 10 minutes of sleep and looking up instead of down at the beautiful sunrise that God gave us to enjoy this morning.

I'm sure there is a lesson somewhere in that to learn.  I'm really trying to learn it but it is so hard!!  So...here's a video dedicated to my Pollyanna.  I'm grateful that he is responsible for our family because I am a mess and would have us crawling with the worms but he is strong and positive and refuses to do anything but soar with the eagles.

Happy Father's Day to all of those dads that do hard things and especially to the dad of my children that takes such good care of us.  We really love you!!

Blue and Gold Banquet

Unless we get a midlife surprise baby, we have just had our very last Blue and Gold Banquet with our Cub Scout boys.  Hallelujah  Ummm....I mean I am so sad that these Cub Scout years are coming to a close in our family.  Next month we will have our very last Pinewood Derby and then in July, Carson will be moving up into big boy scouts. 

He has worked hard to earn his Webelos rank and will be earning his Arrow of Light in a few months.  Doing scouts with a child with special needs is a lesson in patience, determination, and creativity because he doesn't have the ability to speak very well and memorize words.  It took awhile for me to realize that it was okay that he was not able to say the Cub Scout oath, promise and motto.  We started saying one line at a time and then he would repeat, the best that he could, each line as we said it.  We realized that he was following the Cub Scout motto perfectly...he was doing his best!  Luckily, Carson forgives easily and taught his perfectionist Mom a few lessons along the way in the process.  He has also been blessed with great leaders that are patient with him, adapt the activities to his needs and level and most importantly love him.

I would love to tell you what the theme for the night was but I don't think I was paying attention well enough to remember.  It was decorated with stars and planets that were awesome and I think I heard the word "resources" or "resourcefulness".  Yeah, I know...I'm awesome at being observant and painting a detailed picture.  There were also water bottles on the table that the kids could decorate as spaceships which was the best idea in the world!  All of my kids went to town making their own spaceship (except Kinsey who was being a great big sister and helping Carson with his awesome spaceship).  I, of course, did not get any pictures of the spaceships or the great robot that Carson drew and then had me cut out after he cut the arm off.  He was pretty mad at me for not being able to save the arm so I cut it out separately and glued it back on.  I'm so sad we didn't get a picture of it because it was a great robot!!

Like I said, he earned his Webelos rank.  When they called his name he marched right up to the front dragging his mom with him.  The Cubmaster started listing off his awards so he stuck out his hand to accept them.  I looked down and saw a giant...ummm...how do I say this delicately?...booger on his finger.  He looked down saw that prize from his nose excursion, muttered something to himself about getting rid of that and just shook his finger at his side until it fell to the floor.  I hope that one day I achieve his greatness!  That I can get the boogers of life on my finger, shake them off, and just go on to accept my awards without a hint of embarrassment and be proud of the things I have achieved!!  I'm getting better because with my older boys I would have been dying of embarrassment but I just stood there in front of a crowd of people and laughed!  This is what I love about this child of mine.  He makes me a better person!



Don't mind that booger, Mom! 

 Here's your award, Mom...you can pin it on yourself!



He also earned his Fitness, Outdoorsman, Artist, Readyman, Compass Point and Religious Knot!

He helped his den do a skit that told the story of Betsy Ross.  He was George Washington.  I, of course, did not get a picture of that so just picture him with a Revolutionary War hat watching a pregnant Betsy Ross sewing the American Flag.  I never realized that Betsy Ross was pregnant when she made the flag.  Thank goodness the Cub Scouts told the REAL story! :)

He was pretty excited to be able to decorate a cake for the cake decorating contest.  He chose a Blue and Gold theme that depicted an epic battle.

He wanted to put every single soldier on the battlefield!

Kinsey helped him out!

Trying to solve their creative differences!

Kinsey...are you doing that right?

He won the award for the Bravest Cake.  When they called his name, he did two fist-pumps over the head and said "YES!!!"  He was pretty proud of this accomplishment.

This is what we found when we went to pick up our dish.

There were many casualties in this battle!
 

Good job Carson!  We are so proud of all of your hard work!!

It's important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle

Tonight, I was walking down the hall at church with Carson when someone asked me "Are you Shanon Warburton?"  I said "I am!"  He then asked me if my husband was older than me.

Can I just interupt this little story to say that for the last 20 years people have been telling me that I still look like I am a teenager.  My husband has gray hair and wrinkles and is 10 years older than me.  He has not been told that he looks like a teenager for a long, long time!

Anyway....I got this serious look on my face and said "No...I am older!!"  Well, the look on this man's face was priceless and his mouth was gaping open.  Then I said "I'm kidding!!" and walked off to get something from another room.  I get a strange sense of satisfaction from messing with people's minds...I should probably repent. :)

When I came back out in the hallway, he was still there and he said "I just have to ask....how much older than you is he?!"  I told him 10 years.  He looked relieved as he said "oh....good for you!!"

I think it is finally time to come to terms with the fact that I don't look like a teenager but surely the fact that Gary is older than me (by 10 years!!!) is obvious.  Right? 

Please just say yes to make me feel better.

Mommy...no waterwear!!

This morning when the alarm went off, I tried to ignore it.  Our alarm will not be ignored though, and just got louder and louder until I was forced to do something about it.  I said "OKAY....BINE!!!" (that's how Carson says "fine" and now all of us are saying it that way) and got out of my comfy bed, turned off the alarm and went to hunt for Carson.  Carson has a funny thing he does in the dark of the night...he plays musical beds so we aren't ever really sure where we will find him.  This morning I found him already dressed, sitting in a chair in the living room, fast asleep.

He looked so peaceful so I decided to fix his breakfast before I woke him up.  He has a routine that he follows in the morning that includes Carnation instant breakfast...chocolate being his flavor of choice because really, what other flavor is there?!  He also has an egg taco...NO CHEESE!!!...with  ketchup.

After he ate breakfast, I started to put on his shoes and socks but he said "NO MOMMY NO!  No waterwear!!"

I guess when he got dressed this morning, he didn't put on his underwear.  Well, alrighty then!!  How silly of me not to know that!!  I guess we should get some underwear on you!!  So...then he led me right to the underwear of choice for the day.

When his tighty whities were on, he quit giving me the stink eye and let me put his shoes on.  He was pretty happy until the bus showed up.  The bus got here before his dad got back from taking the big kids to church.  That messed up his whole routine and he couldn't possibly get on the bus if his dad wasn't there to say goodbye!!  So, he hunkered down and refused to get on.  Turns out when your child refuses to get on the bus and you aren't strong enough to force them to get on the bus, the bus just leaves without your child and all you can do is turn around and go back inside to wait for daddy to get home.

Carson was pretty excited that Daddy got to take him to school.  I'm not sure we will ever get him on the bus again!!  Gary wasn't as excited to add that to our already busy schedule but how can you get mad when you have this boy that adores you and just wanted to kiss you goodbye?!!

My words of wisdom for all you mom's out there...never forget to put a boy's waterwear on and all you dad's out there...come home on time and also be grateful for those little ones that adore you.

Also, if you are ever told that you are going to have a baby with Down Syndrome?  Fall to your knees and thank your Heavenly Father for being one of the luckiest families on this planet and then just sit back and enjoy the ride!!   It's the best thing you will ever do and the greatest love you will ever receive!!

Kindness Begins With Me

Last night I was lamenting over the fact that our children aren't very nice to each other and was wondering how we could teach them to like their brothers and sisters.  I was pretty distressed over this dilemma.  Gary in all his wisdom said that maybe "some of us" are not very nice but we'll learn one day to be kind and loving to each other and I can probably not worry about my children being serial killers just yet.

Now, I should probably point out that I could have possibly been suffering from the effects of sleep deprivation because seminary started back up this week and I woke up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed at 4 in the am because I worry, worry, worry that we will sleep through the alarm and so I woke up waaaayyyy earlier than I needed to.  This morning I woke up at 5 so it's getting a little better but I'm still a tad bit cranky.

Since I was up so early, I decided to juice some carrots and apples.  I started juicing several months ago and was juicing about 2 apples and 4 carrots every single day.  Then, in a moment of pure insanity, I coerced Kinsey into drinking a cup of juice every morning so I was juicing 4 apples and 8 carrots.  Then, for Christmas, Gary got me a new juicer and has now gotten hooked on juicing and has convinced Emily and Carson to try it (but they make faces and shudder when they drink the juice so they aren't loving it).  I know....to most normal, loving moms that would be the best news on the planet.  Except that the new juicer requires you to cut the fruit and veggies into small pieces and that is A LOT of produce to cut!  So, I decided to go back to juicing for just Kinsey and me.  No one was around until the juice was all finished and then Gary (who was much too busy to help cut the produce) showed up and offered to pour the juice for me which in Gary language meant that he would give Kinsey and I smaller portions so he could take some for himself even though I told him I was only making it for Kinsey and me.  Then Emily walked in and she wanted some (and she had the nerve to act like she was choking it down!) so we got a fraction of the juice that we normally get.  I may have scowled at them and called him a vulture because I am so pleasant.

I am also anticipating a busy afternoon with lots of driving because I have to pick up the middle school child at 4:15, rush the cub scout to the church by 4:30, dash to pick up the high-schoolers which are normally picked up at 4:30, drive them home, pick up cub scout by 5:30 and then drive across town in rush hour traffic to meet Gary so that he can take the cub scout to Special Olympics basketball practice (which Carson has ever-so-patiently been waiting for for weeks and is over-the-moon-excited about).  I got a headache just typing all that out.  It's not a lot compared to other families but that is a lot of driving for this over-anxious homebody!

I just sent this email to Gary so that we could make sure we knew what we were doing today:

Dear Gary,

Here's the email with the details for basketball. I thought we could just meet you at the school a few minutes before 6 (not right on the dot 6 or 6:02 but maybe 5:55 because I know how you can be but watch I'll get stuck in traffic and be super late now that I said that). Then you can stay with Carson because basketball is dad turf and I will probably come home to referee the other kiddos who will be mauling each other by that point....I mean overwhelming each other with so much love and kindness that we will be in danger of getting kicked out of the neighborhood because our children are too perfect and everyone is jealous of our awesome parenting skills.

Sound like a plan? Maybe I'll even make dinner while you're basketball-ing but don't get your hopes up too high because I might be cranky by then. Oh, and yes...I know that there is salmon in the fridge and yes...I know how to cook it so don't you dare give me suggestions and ideas for dinner or else! Not even a hint about side dishes! Got it?!

Who am I kidding...I am already cranky and it's not even noon! I might need a little nap or an attitude adjustment. I can't, for the life of me, figure out why our kids aren't more loving and sweet to their family and friends! It's a puzzle!!

Anyway...I love you...even though I'm cranky and don't like to share my juice.

Love,

Shanon

This was Gary's response to my soft and cuddly email:

Your emails are classic!  Everyone else in the world is deprived!  I will be there before 6 for sure.

Love,

Gary

I'm pretty sure we can all tell where my kids get their sweet and loving dispositions.  Maybe one day Gary will learn how to be more kind and loving. :)

I am curing my crankiness by snitching Gary's Christmas chocolate and consuming it in large quantities.  Shhh....don't tell him.