Ummm.....Should Wife Be Offended?

Location: The garage in husband and wife's new house in Texas

Background: Husband has done whatever he wants in the garage in the past four houses they have lived in. Wife always became frustrated when she needed something in the garage because husband's idea of organization is pile everything on shelves but not in any order so the "order" was undone every time something was needed. Wife was getting very annoyed.

Scene: Husband and wife disagreeing on how to organize the garage. Wife wants to go through everything in garage, throw out or give away stuff they don't need, put similar things together, find storage containers that those similar things will fit in, then build shelves according to size of container. Husband wants to put up a few shelves above garage door. He can't do anything in the garage until he puts up those shelves! Wife, who is extremely annoyed says fine, go ahead. So husband builds shelves. Then husband proceeds to put all of wife's organized boxes that were lined up neatly against wall on the shelves. He does not, however, put up any of his things that are piled up on the floor covering half of the garage. Wife is even more annoyed. Husband is happy because he finally built those shelves!

Months pass: Wife has brillant idea to organize the rest of the garage on the long Thanksgiving weekend. She thinks that surely they can get it done in the three days and still have Sunday to rest before going back to work. Wife thinks Thanksgiving dinner at Cracker Barrel is a good idea. CB cooks the food, family eats the food, CB cleans up the mess AND does the dishes. Husband thinks this is a great idea but thinks that he should still cook Thanksgiving dinner, then clean the kitchen, wake up early the next morning, go do Black Friday shopping, he'll be done early and then they can start working on the garage. Wife says that is starting a day and 1/2 late. Husband assures wife that they can still get it done.

Day 1: Nothing done on Thanksgiving day except cook, make a mess, eat, clean up mess, nap, watch football, eat some more, go to bed.

Day 2: Husband goes shopping, doesn't get home until afternoon, then they start on the garage. They empty out garage, start to decide what will be gotten rid of or given away, get done late at night, put everything back in garage. Wife reminds husband that they could have gotten more done if they had started sooner. Husband ignores wife.

Day 3: Wife threatens husband if he even dares think about making pancakes he's in trouble! Husband wisely chooses a quick bowl of cereal. They go outside and start to pull out everything again and start sorting it putting similar things together and trying to figure out a place to put everything and where to build shelves. They then start putting things in containers. Husband decides that before he can do anything else, he has to build himself a workbench so he runs out to Home Depot to get a few things. He comes back a LONG while later and they start building the workbench. They work well into the night, don't quite finish the workbench and then put everything back in the garage.

Day 4: Family goes to church and then decides to rest from their labors. Wife is a little annoyed that garage looks the same as it did when they started, but husband assures wife that he will work on it during the week and finish his workbench so they can finish garage.

Four months pass: Husband has what he has wanted since he first saw the garage. A few shelves above the garage door and a somewhat organized workbench. Wife, still, after 19 years of marriage opens the door and sees husband's tools neatly put on shelves above workbench. She also sees that after all that work she still cannot park in the garage because of all the yard tools, bikes, giant box of 1000s of baseball cards, and things that husband wants to sell at a garage sale (if he ever has one) STILL in the middle of garage.

Present: Conversation that occured on April 2, 2010

Wife needs her stuff down from the shelves because she is trying to get a scrapbook done of oldest son's scouting years together for his Eagle Court of Honor. She has been asking husband for atleast a month to please get stuff down.

Husband always says he'll do it tomorrow. Husband never does. Wife asks why he put all of her stuff that was stacked neatly along a wall up on the very high shelves instead of his stuff that is in the middle of the garage. Husband said it was easier to do her stuff (because it was stored neatly in plastic containers). Then he reminds wife that she has to admit that those containers have not been touched in two years.

Wife starts to raise her voice and says that he has not used some of his tools since he purchased a fixer-upper, spent hours and hours away from home to finish said house, while his wife was at home taking care of everything from finances to children 4 years ago. Wife then reminds him that his "investment" earned him about a penny a day for several months.

Husband reminds wife of how the market dropped and he was lucky he made any money at all.

Wife starts to get a little bit irrational and starts bringing up other things that husband does wrong like calling her during the day to give her a list of things she needs to get done. Something that annoys wife very much.

Someone mentions eternal marriage.

Wife asks husband if he is going to keep telling her what and how to do things for eternity?

Husband says that it is a blessing that he tells her what to do. We will only be able to take a few things with us when we die, one of them being the knowledge of how to work. He also says that he is hoping that one day wife will learn to do things on her own so that he won't have to keep telling her what to do.

Wife yells that she learned how to take care of the house, bills, children, and everything else while he was off earning pennies a day remodeling THAT house.

Husband says he thinks he will go find some work to do. Husband should probably sleep with one eye open for a few nights. Wife hopes husband has learned all he needs to learn because his life on earth may be shortened a bit.

Ahhhhh......Eternal Bliss


Update:

Wife discovers that writing it all out made her anger go away.

Husband says that this is a very interesting post and thinks wife should be happy since he gives her so much good material for her blog.

Wife smiles at husband but would rather have heard that he would finish the garage.

Husband is planning on sleeping with one eye open.

Wife thinks that's a wise choice for husband.

A Birthday Giveaway!

Auntie Anne and I go waaay back! I met her one day as I was walking thru the mall in Florida. One of her friends offered me a taste of her yummy original pretzel. Ahhh...it was love at first bite! I started finding excuses to go to the mall so I could have more. I even shared the love with my family. Now, my daughter insists that we get a pretzel every time we go to the mall. Imagine my surprise when we moved to Texas and discovered that Auntie Anne had placed one of her stores at MY local Wal-Mart! Wasn't that just so thoughtful of her? She must have known how much I would miss Florida and remembered how much I dislike going to Wal-Mart so she put it there to say "good job, Shanon, for making it thru this place...here have a pretzel!"

Auntie Anne considers me one of her best friends! She sends me emails all the time with special coupons and free stuff. She knows that I am having a hard time with the loss of my sister so she decided to let me have a free pretzel on the Saturday before my birthday. Isn't she just the best friend ever?!!!!! She even said that I could share with all my friends! Soooo, in honor of my birthday, she is offering everyone a free cinnamon or original pretzel! You get a pretzel, you get a pretzel, you get a pretzel, you get a pretzel........don't you feel like you are on the Oprah show?!



Oh, and don't be jealous of my friendship with Auntie Anne. You can be her friend too. You can join her facebook group. She probably won't build a special Auntie Anne's just for you in Wal-Mart, but I bet she'll send you coupons! One more thing, if you do get a pretzel (or even if you don't) you must remember to wish me a happy birthday on Feb. 22. I guess she forgot to put that on the notice. Just an oversight on her part, I suppose, because I know she will feel so terrible when I point that out to her. Be grateful that this giveaway does not require any effort on my part because we all know that it would not happen if I was in charge!

Enjoy and no need to send thank you notes...the smile on your face and the chub on your cheeks (from the pretzel) is all the thanks that I need! You are welcome!

Auntie Anne + Shanon = BFs 4 ever!

Do They Celebrate Birthdays In Heaven?

I've been celebrating my birthday with the same person since I was just shy of my second birthday. My mom went away for a couple of days and came home with this baby right before I turned 2. Can you believe that?! I don't really remember much about her coming home, but from the pictures I have seen I was not very happy about it!

Every February, even though I was the oldest(!) we would celebrate her birthday first. That was so unfair! I would ask my mom "why does she get to celebrate hers first? I am older!" I'm sure my mom looked so forward to February. I know she couldn't wait for the yearly argument over why Lori got to be first!



We have had fun over the years celebrating together. Sometimes we had birthday parties together like the surprise party that my older sister and her friends planned. We were very surprised and had a great day. When we were older, we would go on a shopping spree. We had great fun picking out things for ourselves and having my mom pay for it. That's the best way to shop!



I turned forty a few months after we moved to Texas. I was feeling sorry for myself with no plans for a celebration. I wasn't even put on the RS newsletter birthday list! Poor Gary had to comfort me while I cried on his shoulder about how I was invisible to everyone in the ward. I moped around for a few days, quit cleaning our house and quit taking showers. I was in this awful state of filth one night when the doorbell rang. There on the front porch was my family! My mom, dad and Lori with her 2 kids. I was so excited to see them (although I wish I had known, I would have cleaned my house or myself) and we had a nice birthday celebration! I think we even went shopping!

Lori would have turned 40 today. She told me that if she made it to 40 she would have a big party. I would have even gotten over my fear of flying to be there! I wonder if they had a big party for her in heaven today. I hope so. She has a few friends and lots of family there. I can't believe she left me here to celebrate my birthday alone. Maybe she got tired of hearing me complain every year. I hope that next year I will be able to celebrate her birthday without crying so much. I miss her alot!



Happy Birthday Lori!

I love you!

A very sad tale...

Once upon a time, there was a teeny, tiny girl floating around in a world of amniotic fluid. She was very happy and content in this place. So content in fact, that she decided to stay in an extra 22 days. She was hanging on until her mama could come up with a different name than Cecilia Leigh (you should hear the six girl's names she had picked!) Oh, boy did her daughters dodge a bullet!

This teeny, tiny girl's dad was a police officer. One day this officer pulled over a girl named Shannon. He thought that she was pretty and he liked her name so he came home and told his wife that he thought that instead of Cecelia Leigh they should name her after the pretty girl (who probably drove away with a warning, not a ticket). The mama thought that was okay so they named her Shannon Del. This was a fine name except that the police officer thought that the extra "n" in the middle of Shannon was not necessary so he threw away that pesky extra "N" and spelled it Shanon Del.

The teeny, tiny girl decided that Shanon Del was much better than Cecilia Leigh so she made her fashionably late appearance on Feb. 22, 19-- (no need to share ALL the details.) She weighed in at a whopping 7 lbs and 15.5 oz and was 20ish in. long. She was the most beautiful baby girl in all the land (hey, I'm writing this story!) with the most beautiful red hair anyone had ever seen.

This teeny, tiny girl was very happy until she was 9 months old. She decided at that point that this place called earth wasn't that great and she was ready to move back to her previous home, a place called Heaven. Everyone kept telling her that she had to stay and endure to the end. That sure did get her fiery red-headed temper going! There was nothing she could do though so for the last ?? years she has been enduring well. Some might disagree, but as I said before, I am writing this story!

Things got worse for the girl named Shanon when she started a horrible thing called kindergarten. That was when everyone started spelling her name wrong (or right if you are in the majority of the population). She has corrected the misspelling of her name more times than she can count. Over time, though, because she is such a pleasant person she finally learned to let it go...she even started to like the spelling of her name. That is until she saw this on facebook:

Go to urbandictionary.com, type in your first name, copy and paste this as your status, and put the first entry for your name under comments.

The beautiful, red-headed girl decided to go look up her name so she could see what her wonderful, uniquely spelled name said:

Shanon: Great pride and loyalty. Leader among all and soft hearted. Fun loving, exciting, interesting, worldly, hard working, masculine male figure.

Very nice.....if you are a masculine male figure. Last time she checked she was a feminine female figure. She then wondered what urbandictionary.com would say if her name was spelled with that extra "N".

Shannon: irish for little wise owl. Someone who is beautiful, inside and out. She's down to earth and crazy but you can't figure her out, which makes you love her all the more. She's also fun and funny and someone you can defiantly trust. They usually have red or dark hair and have beautiful natural highlights that others have to buy in a bottle. They are truly a unique person and one of a kind.

Look what she could have been. How unfair that the girl had missed out on all of those wonderful qualities all because her dad thought that pesky little "N" didn't matter....and she lived regretfully ever after murmuring "I knew it was somehow my daddy's fault!"

The End

The Sad, Sad, Sad End

The moral of the story: always check urbandictionary.com before naming your baby and make sure you spell it correctly. Unless, of course, you find pleasure in ruining a girl's life!

'Tis The Season

for moms of cute little boys like this:



to take care of them when they feel like this:



and for moms to do this:



while their cute little boys do this:



Poor Carson got sick some time during the night. He didn't even come tell us. When I went to wake him up this morning for school he was fast asleep in a very messy bed. He does not like it when I wake him up so I let him sleep for another hour. He woke up very cheerfully and yelled from his bed "hi dad". We got him bathed and dressed comfy and fixed him a nice bed on the couch. I spent most of the time this morning catching fluids in a towel that his stomach rejected. Carson gets offended if I bring out a bucket or a bag. He would like to freely vomit and just let it land where it lands...thank you very much! I, on the other hand, don't have money for a new couch so I put a blanket down, with towels on top of the blanket, with new towels around if I need to change the old one, and extra towels to catch with. Then I sit on the couch and hover, ready to catch anything that comes out of that cute little mouth. When I do catch something, I then wipe his face and he says "Ahhh.....thanks mom!" If he has the strength he will also stroke my cheek. SO SWEET!!! Let's just all say "awwwwww" together! We've also watched many episodes of Fineas and Ferb. Does anyone else not get this show or is it just me? Anyway...atleast I got a little break from spongebob!!

I will gladly watch Fineas and Ferb (and spongebob), do laundry, hover, and catch vomit, though, because what else would a mom of this cute little boy do?!

Love you, Carson. Feel better soon!

Oh, and yesterday I was doing some of the same things for this cute girl:

Luckily, she is feeling better. Love you Emily

Which one of these three do you think will be next?

Hopefully, none of them! Love you Chris, Jared, & Kinsey

Let's face it.....the mom always gets it!

Why I Will Go To That Hot Place When I Die

When Jared got hit by a car last week, I was so thankful that he was not hurt more that he was. He was rather proud that he had survived being hit by a car with only a few bruises and might have even thought it was a great way to start the day!

When I talked to the lady on the phone she offered to pay for a new tire. I hadn't seen the bike yet so I told her that I would have Gary call her after he looked at the bike. Well, after we looked at the bike and Jared showed us what happened, we had a dilemma. The bike was totalled just as Jared had said. The tire was bent, the brakes didn't work, the frame was bent, and the gears didn't work. Also the lady hadn't told the story exactly how it had happened. Jared was nearly across the road, when she rounded the curb and SPED UP! She said the sun was in her eyes, but the next day Gary was there at the same time and said the sun wasn't bad enough to cause her to not be able to see. He thinks she may have been distracted. She also left the school without telling anyone that it had happened and Jared said there was no one around to see it. I was kind of upset that she didn't atleast walk with him to the office to tell them what had happened so that we could have known earlier. She is in the police academy, so I think she should know that she kind of committed a hit and run!

Gary called her over the weekend to tell her the situation with the bike. When she heard that we needed to replace the bike, she actually said that she didn't even think her car had hit his bike! Then Gary said "well that's fine, if you will just give me your insurance information I will give it to my insurance company and let them handle it." She said she didn't want to get her insurance involved so she would think about it and call us back. When Gary told me that, I was fuming. There may have even been smoke coming out of my ears. Her car didn't hit Jared's bike?! Well, then how did it get bent up the way it did?! My red-headed fiery temper came out and I was mad! I usually try to avoid confrontation, but not this time, I was ready for a fight! I was ready to report her to the police, her insurance company, and then I was going to go and yell at the principal at the school!!

She called back in a few minutes and her and Gary talked for a while and came to an agreement that she would pay for 1/2 of the bike and we would pay for the other half. What?! She ran into Jared, totalled his bike and now we are paying for it?! So he explains that she is a single mom of three kids, doesn't have alot of money, is going to the police academy, was scared that if we talked to the insurance company that they would raise her rates, and that the police would find out and it would jeopardize her standing in the police academy. As he is telling me this, he starts to get a little emotional about her situation. So I complain some more and then he says "well you asked me to take care of it so I did what I thought was right." Now, my husband is the cheapest most frugal man on the planet. He is always worrying about money, so I just thought he would be the best person to handle it. In what was probably my finest hour, I said "well I thought you would take care of it, not start crying on the phone with her. Did you give her our house, too? Did you give her access to our bank account? Did you invite her to our house for Thanksgiving and tell her she could take whatever she wanted out of our house?!" Yes, me being most charitable in this season of thanks and gratitude!

Later, as I was cleaning and putting away all the things that we have been blessed with, I started to feel ashamed of myself. I married Gary because of those traits. He is very compassionate, always looks out for the ones that are suffering, loving, patient, is very faithful and firm in his beliefs, and I felt that I had those same traits. Gary and I thought we would make a great team (his analogy, not mine), because we both wanted the same things. Boy, did he get the surprise of his life!

I apologized for my rant and sarcasm yesterday after church. Did you notice all those talks on gratitude?! I let him know I was grateful that he had handled the situation the way he did and grateful for his example. He accepted my apology and then he told me about the ride home from church. He had all the kids, I got to ride home by myself. Usually, I'm the one with all the kids. He said "now I know why it is hard for you to be grateful. It's hard to be grateful when you have to drive home with all that noise and contention." He sent all the kids to their room as soon as he got home with them and was reading to Carson when I got home. Carson fell asleep, the house was quiet... it was like heaven on earth!

We had a nice afternoon walk (just the two of us), held hands, and while I was gasping for air, I even felt grateful for the cooler weather and all the blessings that we have been given. Hmmm..... maybe I won't have to go to that hot place after all. Phew!!

Why I Will Die An Early Death

I worry A LOT so I have been trying to ease up on the worrying.

Someone told me that "they" (whoever "they" are) were predicting 90,000 deaths from swine flu by Christmas this year. Did I freak out? Nope. Remember my swine flu freak out in April?

Obama was elected president and I heard all of the gloom and doom from people who know better than to tell me these things (Gary). I didn't even bother making plans to run away and find a safe place to live. I have heard that Texas can get out of being part of the United States if they need to. So my plan is to stay here and hope that if things get really bad Texas will decide to part ways with the USA. No freak outs, though, I just made a plan!

I have been letting Kinsey go to the bus stop even when there is no one to go with her. Yes, I have visions of kidnapping and other horrible things, but I try to let those things go and just think happy thoughts. Here's hoping that is the right thing to do.

I am about ready to let Chris drive a car. I say "NO!" to those thoughts of car crashes, drunk drivers, and his lack of a long attention span. I might even let him drive without one of us in the car with him (once he's legal). I have put my foot down about being the one to teach him, though. That will be up to Gary and the State of Texas. I know my limits!!!

I let Carson ride the school bus, even when Emily isn't on it. That is a hard one for me because he can't tell me if someone is mean to him. I am hoping I will have mother's intuition if something isn't right. I still let him ride though because he loves it and it gives him a little bit of independence.

I let Emily go play with friends in the neighborhood. I even told her it was okay to ride her bike around the neighborhood. That was before she decided to ride her bike to Sonic without asking for permission (which I would not have given her) and then stopping at the Jack-in the-Box drive-thru to ask for a cup of water. She was in lots of trouble and I did freak out a little then.

I started letting Jared ride his bike to school. It has been a very difficult thing to not worry about, because he very rarely comes straight home. He always has to stop on the way to hunt for rocks, sticks, pecans, and turtle shells. I have quit freaking out when he isn't home on time. I realize that he has this need to hunt for things that annoy his mom.

See how far I had come? Well, all of that improvement just disappeared today.

Today I got a phone call from my husband at around 12:30. It was very bad reception so all I got out of it was: Jared...everything okay.....hit by car........call schools.....need current phone numbers...bike messed up...will get it later! WHAT?!!!!! He was hit by a car? When? Where? I knew he was okay or I would have wanted to know that too! This accident happened around 8 am. I have been in car line before so I know that there are lots of teachers and parents around, yet no one took him to the office. The lady that hit him asked if he was okay and then left after getting Jared's home phone number so she could finish him off contact us later. She didn't bother to take him to the office to be checked out or even tell him to go to the office to get checked out, so he just went to class. She went home and tried to call the office, but they had their after hours recording on until after 10:30. The nurse called him in to get him checked out sometime after the principal heard from the lady. They did not get in touch with us until 12:30. Now I have to admit that I forgot to contact the school after we changed our home and cell phone numbers, but they had four numbers (three of them had changed). Instead of calling Gary's office they called our emergency contact and she told Gary (she works at the same office). Am I the only parent that has a thirteen year old that doesn't know what to do when something like this happens? Yeah, don't answer that. What happened to the village? Is it too much to ask for someone to step up and tell the boy to go to the office to tell them what happened or at least call his mom? Am I expecting too much?!! I have been nauseous since 12:30 and now my heart is racing and I have a headache. Back to square one. I think I need therapy or relaxation techniques or chocolate.

He came home with a smile on his face, excited to tell me all about his latest adventure and that his new bike was totaled (his words). I think that boy is going to kill me.

So, to all those kind people that have told me not to worry so much...

SEE...I TOLD YOU IT WOULD HAPPEN!!!

I am sooo grateful that he did not get hurt more. Just a few scrapes and bruises. I'm thankful for the prayer that Gary gave this morning asking that all of our children be kept safe. Now if my heart would just calm down.