He Works Hard for the Toy

Kinsey has spent the last year getting educated at BYU and is spending the summer at home with us.  She has decided that we are too soft on Carson, that he is learning bad habits, that we are enablers and we need to shape up before we ruin him!!  So, I took a few minutes from my solitaire game and bonbon eating to create a job chart for him.  He was trying to earn money for these two guys:

We set up a chore chart that looked like this:

Look at all those stickers he earned!  Each box was worth a quarter.  We forgot to add enough boxes for tithing and tax so he had to earn extras.  That kind of annoyed him a little.

We tried to think of the bad habits that we wanted to change.  For instance, he likes to come up and smack people on the behind.  He does that because we smack him on the behind when we do things like send him to his room for his pjs at night.  Do you ever do that?  "Go on upstairs and get your pjs, Carson!" and then send him up the stairs with a gentle spank?  With most children you can do cute things like that at home and they know better than to do them out in public but Carson has a pure spirit (that we may or may not have corrupted a teeny bit) and sees nothing wrong with smacking perfect strangers on the behind as they walk past him.  I watched (with a little bit of horror) as he smacked someone on the behind at church as he was going into Sunday School.  Luckily, the man was nice about it and just turned around and gave Carson a high five.  By the end of the week, when one of us (me) would smack his behind he would say "no mommy...no spanking!" and I had to apologize, so really...it was my bad habit we were trying to break.

Another bad habit that he has is sticking his tongue out at people.  We put the general "Be Nice" on the chore chart.  He is quickly repentant when he realizes he makes a mistake and says "Sorry!" so he did great at earning a sticker for that every day.

He worked hard all week, although looking at the chart, I see that we kind of dropped the ball a little bit on Tuesday and Wednesday.  We actually started the chart on Friday so we did well on Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday and Thursday.  Mostly thanks to Kinsey and Emily. They are much better at being the mom than I am.

On Friday he had earned enough stickers to go shopping.  We headed out to Target.  Carson insisted that we use a cart and also that he get to push it.  I had to apologize to a few people that he nearly ran over in his excitement to get to the toys.

See that cart on the left side of his face?  He ran her into the clothing.  Oops!

We finally made it to the toys and horror of horrors, they did not have the Power Rangers that he specifically wanted.  I tried to talk him into the green or blue one but nope, he wanted those two red one.  We tried to talk him into something else but he only had $15 and everything he wanted was in the $40-60 range.  He just did not understand why he couldn't just get whatever he picked out.

He had a great time playing with everything.

He loved looking at all of the large action figures.  The funny thing is, he loves the small ones better.  We have gotten him a few of the larger ones and he never plays with those but his little ones he plays with until the limbs are falling off.  We have had to duct tape a few arms and legs on his favorites.

Spiderman always loses his head in our house.

I was starting to worry that we would spend the rest of our lives in the toy department at Target but he finally agreed to go to Walmart.  I actually said a prayer before going into Walmart that we would find his toys because I hate shopping and the thought of having to go to any more stores was giving me a headache.

Luckily, the Walmart had the Power Rangers of his dreams.

Now, we get to start all over again.  Being a responsible parent is exhausting!!  Maybe I can talk him into an ice cream for his reward this week.

Bad to the Bone - the Sequel

Gary and I try to go walking every morning.  We are slow walkers.  For instance, one morning this guy was slowly walking (in flip flops, I might add) to the mailbox not even breaking a sweat and Gary and I, who were walking as fast as our legs would carry us, could not catch up to him to save our life.  See...slooooowwwwwww.  We consistently walk though, so I guess that counts for something.

This morning, half way into our walk, I gasped and said "Jared is supposed to be helping out at an Eagle Scout project this morning!"  So, we started walking faster so that we could get home in time to get Jared where he was supposed to be.  After a few minutes, Gary said "Boy...you are really hustling!!" and I said "I knooowwww....and it's killing me!!"  Really though, we probably looked like two very slow turtles walking down the street.

We decided that if we wanted to make it home in time we would have to take a shortcut but as we got to the shortcut there was orange tape over the entrance to the bridge with a sign that read "Sidewalk Closed".  Gary kept walking towards it so I pointed the sign out to him and he said "Oh, I know" and kept walking towards it.  I told him we couldn't possibly keep going because the sign said it was closed!  He kept going and then STEPPED OVER THE ORANGE TAPE!!  

I said "can't you read the sign?!  It says "SIDEWALK IS CLOSED!"  He reacted by holding down the orange tape and offering a hand to help me over the tape.  I said something like "you are leading me astray and I am probably going to get hauled off to jail!"  He assured me that we would not be hauled off to jail..."we might be run over by a backhoe but we won't be hauled off to jail."  Oh...that makes me feel better.  Then he started giving me a lecture about how sometimes it's better to follow the spirit of the law then the letter of the law.  I'm pretty sure police officers don't care about the spirit of the law but that didn't seem to phase him.

He kept walking and then we saw the workers and I said "GARY....THERE ARE PEOPLE THERE THAT WILL SEE US BREAKING THE "SIDEWALK IS CLOSED" LAW!"  He decided to kill them with kindness and said "Good morning!" like it was no big deal that we were trespassing on a closed sidewalk.  As he walked, he kept apologizing for the angst he was causing my "you should never break the law" spirit.  

We got up to the walkway to our street and there was more orange tape there.  I said something like "Ummm... now we're trapped between the orange tape and the backhoe!" and he stepped over the orange tape again!!  Don't worry though, his chivalry is not completely dead because he again offered a helping hand to get me over the tape.

By that point, my heart was racing and I complained about him leading me down the path of destruction and he said "Don't worry...you're bad to the bone...remember?!

I'll probably start pulling the tags off of mattresses again.  Oh, and just in case you are wondering, Jared made it in time.  I guess it pays to be bad to the bone.

Oh the thinks that you think....when you are cleaning a toilet

In our church, the members are asked to clean the building each week.  We are usually assigned a date to clean and since everyone is helping out, it ends up that we only do it a few times a year.  Today was one of our assigned days and as we figured out our family's schedule we realized that in order to do it, Gary and I would need to get up at about 6am.  I know that sounds early, but Gary and I have the annoying inability to sleep in past 6 (except this morning, of course....we were both sound asleep when the alarm went off).

Gary also has the annoying inability to manage time well and I have the annoying inability to handle lateness without having a nervous breakdown (I blame my dad for that).  As we have been given this assignment over the years, we have usually been late getting there and when you are late, you always end up cleaning the bathrooms because...ewwww....no one wants toilet duty so that's the last assignment taken.

On one of our late mornings when I was having a particularly bad nervous breakdown, I complained about him always being late and that I was going to get stuck cleaning toilets!  AGAIN!!  Gary just looked at me and said (very patiently, I might add) "Oh...I don't mind cleaning toilets for God."

He didn't even add "you heathen, wife, you!" at the end of his sentence.  He just casually and humbly said that he didn't mind cleaning toilets for God.  Well...that put my huffy little attitude in it's place!!

So this morning, we were the first ones there and we purposefully took the bathrooms.  They have a chart that tells you exactly what to do, in what order, and with what cleaning supplies and I have this annoying inability to clean out of order...it kind of drove Gary crazy a bit but we swept floors, we cleaned sinks, mirrors, and toilets, we dusted the air vents and we mopped the floors.

We discovered as Gary so aptly put it "little boys might not be able to always make it in the toilet but girls sure are messy, messy, messy when it comes to getting the paper in the garbage can."  I couldn't argue with him either because the boys bathroom was spotless (except for a few dribbles down the side and on the back of the toilet) but the girls bathroom?!  It looked like someone came in and threw all of the toilet paper and paper towels on the floor.  Shame on us girls for being so messy!!

I also discovered that there was glitter in the girls bathroom.  I guess we try to hide our messiness by spreading glitter everywhere.  The boys bathroom was sadly void of sparkles.  Gary thought that was a good thing. :)

I couldn't help but notice the difference in my attitude from a few years ago.  As I was mopping the bathroom floors the only think I could think was "Oh...I don't mind mopping the floors for God."

Will you think I'm weird if I tell you that I love cleaning my church building.  What an honor to be cleaning God's house for Him!  I love when I get to start my Saturdays like that!

I blame Gary for that.

My Glamorous Life

From Thursday of last week:

I changed a tire today!!

Oh...and when I say "I changed a tire" what I really mean is that I stood behind my boys like the good mom that I am and documented the whole thing for all of our posterity to see while telling them to slow down because I can't take pictures that fast!!  I have my priorities, you know!!

All those years of scouts came in handy.

Just for posterity's sake...my boys thought that they needed to put the hubcap on the spare tire but I told them they didn't.  They argued with me so I called Gary and he said that we DID NOT need to put the hubcap on the spare tire!  Haha!!  I was right!!  Then I had to gloat for a few minutes while they cleaned everything up because I am nothing if not mature!

I'm glad I have these boys around to change tires for me!!

I've had a very busy day!  I also added sleeves to a dress...begrudgingly....but I did it.  I have learned that I kind of hate sewing.  The dress turned out lovely and modest which is hard to do when you are taking the sash of a dress and turning into two sleeves but I did it and conquered my fear of sleeve making!!  Not really...please don't make me do it again.  I got it done just in time to send it on a cruise with Kinsey.  Can you believe she didn't take me with her?!

Things you should know before attending 5th grade graduation...

This morning was Carson's 5th grade graduation.  We were instructed to have him dress nicely which meant Sunday clothes...on a Friday.  OH THE HORROR!!!!  As you may have guessed, that did not go over well with a certain boy who only likes to wear basketball shorts.  The only way I got him to wear his suit was the promise of a fun class party after his graduation where he would be able to change into his beloved shorts.

 

Here are a few things you might want to know before going to your child's graduation:

*In order to get a good seat, you need to set up a tent in the lunch room the night before and spend the night...kind of like Black Friday shopping only it's Black Friday Graduation.  It's just as crazy!!

*Never punch people!!!  Even if they think that it is more important for them to see their child graduate and get a picture of the big event than it is for you to see your child graduate.  Even if they come and stand right in front of you as all of the class names are read.  Even if you can't get a good picture because they aren't invisible.  Oh, and don't worry, they'll go back to their seat...it won't be until after your child has already finished but no biggy!!

*Music teachers are amazing and are so fun to watch as they do whatever silly thing they can think of to get their students to sing loud.

*Never punch people!!!  Even if they think that they should not have to stand in line like everyone else to get a visitor's pass.  Even if they just walk up to the front while you wait ever-so-patiently for your turn.

*Don't even think of asking for a picture of your graduate with his best friend unless you have brought his comfy clothes to change into because he has been sitting in his church clothes for long enough and picture taking is the last thing on earth he wants to do!!

*Never punch people!!!  Even if you are starting to get anxious from the enormous crowds that are pushing and shoving to get a glimpse of their child.  Remember to just breathe deeply!!

*Expect a complete and total meltdown if you even dare think to take a shortcut through the school instead of traveling the path that your child has taken for the last 6 years to get to his classes.

*Purple cupcakes and white shirts...don't expect a happy ending!!

*You might cry when you think of how your children are growing up so quickly and how just yesterday you were heading off to the "tissues and tea party" after dropping him off at preschool!

*When the American flag comes into the room and you start to say the pledge of allegiance you might just tear up as you think of the men and women who have died fighting for us to have our freedom and if you are anything like me, you will be grateful for your parents who taught you to stand at attention, put your hand over your heart and be grateful that you were blessed to be one of the lucky ones born here.  Oh...they also might do a "sucker-punch" and play the national anthem too and you'll just be a mess.  Bring a tissue!!

*One day, you won't have any more children going to elementary school...you can either pat yourself on the back for a job well done or you can be sad that you're getting old.  I haven't decided which one I'm going to do yet.

*When you finally get your visitor's badge, for a split second you might think that it says "Mom of the year" but it really says "End of the year party" and you can pat yourself on the back for being such an optimist.  I mean really...how often does that happen...Shanon being an optimist?!  Practically never!!

*There is never enough parking.

*You will run into lots of old friends which is so fun but after a few minutes you may start to think that small talk might just be the death of you (if you are an introvert like me).

*If you take your 15 year old, all of her elementary school teachers will comment on HOW MUCH SHE HAS GROWN!!!

*Did I mention to bring a tissue or two?

*Finally...be grateful for all of the wonderful people that have influenced your child's life in some way whether large or small.  It really does take a village and we have been blessed to live in some of the best villages around!!

Mother's Day

I woke up early Sunday morning and the first thing Gary said to me was "Happy Mother's Day, Hon!" and the first thing I said was "Uggg.....I hate Mother's Day!"

You are sorry that you don't get to wake up to my ray of sunshine-y personality, aren't you?!

Yes...I admit it...I hate Mother's day.

I don't hate being a mom.  I love my children.  They are some of the smartest, funniest, most creative, most annoying, most exasperating, kindest, most loving children I have ever met.  They accept everyone just the way they are and draw them in to their circle of friends.  They hate doing the dishes or any other household chores.  They love all things related to technology.  They are good, responsible students who mostly get "A's" and always have me going to the award ceremonies at the end of the year where they are in the 4.0 or higher GPA group.  They always wait until the very last minute to do their homework.  They love to hear their siblings scream "LEAVE ME ALONE!!" and have gotten very proficient at finding a way to make them say it often.  They are always where they say they are going to be.  They have the best friends on the planet that are fun to hang around.  Their rooms are NEVER clean.  They are just GOOD!!

Yet, I still hate Mother's day.  It's a low self-esteem thing.  I hear all of the inspiring stories of all the most wonderful of mothers and I kind of sit and do an evaluation with my "Most Wonderful Mother" checklist and most of the boxes are not checked off.  I won't even go into all of the ways I fail as a mother.

Our day started off with me getting grumpy because we were running late for church and Emily needed to be there early to sing.  She ran in just in the nick of time and I was desperately trying to get in to hear her but Carson is the friendliest, most social boy on the planet and had to say "hello" to all of his friends before he could go inside.  Luckily, I got in just in time to hear her sing but I had an invisible storm cloud over my head.  Then I cried during the opening hymn, one of my children refused to go sing with the group singing the special musical number, and Carson decided that he needed to throw-up during the song so I took him out to get a drink (he didn't throw up, he's just learned the way to get out of church for a few minutes).

Then something happened.  I don't even know what it was exactly.  Kinsey insisted that we take family pictures after church which is usually the best way to get us mad at each other but we managed to have a semi-good time and then I came home and took a nap.  When I woke up, I saw all of the pictures that Kinsey spent the day editing and I marveled at this beautiful family that God has given me.  We aren't perfect by any stretch of the imagination.  We are all a tad (times a million) bit awkward.  We aren't sporty.  We're all a little artsy.  Some of us are musical.  Some of us are not.  We all try to be kind to others but sometimes we fail.  We are all doing the best that we can.

Plus, my husband still loves me.

I guess I will just have to admit, that while I may not be the perfect mother, I have some pretty incredible children so I haven't failed completely!

What more could a girl ask for?!

Happy Mother's Day from this very imperfect mother!!

Quick Gary...Call My Therapist!!!

I have been out of high school for 28 years and I thought that (after years of therapy) I had finally gotten over the trauma of being a teenager but then I chaperoned for our church's prom...on purpose.  I volunteered to subject myself to a high school dance.   I admit, I thought I could deal with it.  I have a husband now.  He loves me (he even likes me!)  I don't have to try to flirt or look prettier than all of the other pretty girls in the room.  So really!  How bad could it be?!

First off, let me tell you...we have some extremely talented people in our church that turned a gymnasium into an Old Hollywood ballroom complete with a red carpet entrance, lit marquee, flash-lighting paparazzi, cheering fans, a gold chandelier, sparkling lights, the "Hollywood" letters, and lots of glitz and glamour.  I wish I had taken pictures but you'll just have to use your imagination.

Oh...I do have pictures of Gary and I before prom.  You want to see those...right?!  These three pictures help me to understand why my chiropractor blurts out (every time I see him) "YOU HAVE THE WORST POSTURE!!!"  Really, Shanon...stand up straight!!!

Also, I had the hardest time picking out something to wear.  Last time I went to prom, taffeta was the fabric of choice, puffy was the sleeve of choice, and peach was the color of choice.  Oh...you want to see a picture?  Okay...but I'll warn you, it could be more taffeta than a person ever wants to see.  Remember...the puffier and peachier, the better!!

Oh, and I had a lot less wrinkles, was 20+ pounds lighter, and I hadn't had 5 babies yet.  Babies are cute and fun but they don't do good things to a girl's figure.

Gary's mom called in the middle of our photo session so I checked to see how we looked so far.

Gary kept on talking, so I had to get a little annoyed.

Okay...back to the photo shoot.  Maybe if you just take us from the waist up, it will look okay.

Try standing up straighter.

Try smiling bigger.

"Sorry Mom, that's the best I can do...I'm not a miracle worker!" (she didn't really say that, but I could tell that's what she was thinking.)

So, why do I need Gary to call my therapist?  Well, we got to prom and were assigned the gym for the first hour.  There was this girl standing all by herself.  She was off to the side, kind of hidden away by the room divider, dancing a bit to the music and people would walk by but no one was talking to her.  As I stood there feeling awkward for her, I told Gary that this was bringing back memories of being a teenager {shudder} and I might need extra therapy.

Well, God must really love me because guess what?!  My therapist (You aren't surprised I have a therapist, are you?  I didn't think so.) walked by!  What are the odds?!  So, Gary told her that I was having high school flashbacks and she told me that I was having perfectly normal PTSD feelings and just breathe deeply.  Haha....not really (the breathe deeply or PTSD part...my therapist really did stop and talk to us for several minutes.  She was feeling the same sad feelings for the girl standing all alone and was having her own flashbacks of an awkward prom with a blind date that was an exchange student who spoke no English.  She won the prize for the most traumatic prom story.)

The girl eventually found her friends and danced with them all night, we accepted the fact that we are old and don't have the energy to dance to a whole fast song (did you know that they STILL play "Footloose" at dances but now they have a line dance that they do and it involves a lot of jumping.  It made me tired just watching it!) and boys STILL don't ask girls to dance!

At the end of the night, we found a couple of chairs to sit in to rest our weary feet.  We watched this girl walk by, kind of swaying and twirling to the slow song and this boy walked right behind her and I thought for sure he was going to ask her to dance but he just made small talk for a split second and then sat down at the table TO PLAY CARDS!!  It took all that I had to not stand up and shake him and say "YOU ARE AT PROM...ASK HER TO DANCE!!!"

*Breathe deeply, Shanon....you are just having a flashback...go eat some chocolate!!*

We actually had a very nice evening.  It was fun to hang out with the young whippersnappers for a night but I would not go back to being a teenager even if someone offered me all the money in the world.  How did we survive that?!

Thank goodness for therapists!!