Friday, December 31, 2010

Celebrate

We were invited to party until midnight then we were uninvited.

Gary and I did the happy dance because everyone knows that the best way to celebrate new year's is to stay home in your pjs, write a few blog posts, watch a few old movies, eat lots of snacks and go to bed by nine! We told the kids we were going to make out on the couch all night. They said "ewwww" and made plans to be other places! Now we don't have to share the couch or tell anyone to be quiet! Oh, and we don't really have to make out! Shhh...don't tell the kids our secret.

This might be the best night ever!

Happy New Year everyone!

Goodbye World

A few weeks before Christmas my ovaries exploded. Or my kidneys were failing. Or I had stomach cancer. Or uterine cancer. Or I had colon cancer, they would have to remove it and I would have to wear one of those bags on the outside of my body that catches all my pee and p....

Anyway...you get the idea. I was dying. Oh and I get all my information from google!

I don't like to die quietly so I kept moaning and groaning and complaining to Gary. Every night I would tell him that I would probably die in my sleep (and I may have said something like "HA HA! it serves you right!") He finally suggested that maybe I should go to the doctor. "What?! I can't go to the doctor! It's two weeks before Christmas!" He obviously was not getting my point.

You know why I couldn't go to the doctor, don't you?!

Anyone that listens to Christmas songs knows why you don't go to the doctor right before Christmas. If I went to the doctor, he would tell me that I was dying. Then I would take a turn for the worse and on Christmas Eve, my children would be in a store looking for red Christmas shoes so I would be pretty to meet Jesus and they wouldn't have enough money to pay for them so they would have to beg a grumpy person to help. Of course, his heart would be softened (which I guess is good) and he would pay the difference. The grumpy man would go home and write a song about the experience and my kids would get home just in time to put the shoes on my feet before I kicked the bucket.

AND...

every year after that they would burst into tears every time they heard that song about someone being missing this Christmas!

I just couldn't do that to them!

SO...

instead, I whined all during Christmas break. I still haven't gone to the doctor and I still am dying.

OR...

it might be that I hurt my back when I hauled all of the Christmas decorations down from the attic.

Hopefully, I will be around next Christmas. I doubt it, though, because did you hear the latest?!

I'm dying.

BUT....

at least I'm not dying on Christmas Eve!

What's on my mind....ummm, I can't remember

A few nights ago, as I was brushing my teeth, I had a brilliant idea for a very funny blog post. I don't know about you but I get my best ideas when I am brushing my teeth. Anyway....I thought I should probably write it down but I decided it was so wonderful that I would remember. Ha ha ha! Five minutes later, I couldn't remember my name much less my thoughts. Oh well...trust me. It was great. Too bad I can't remember it.

I went to bed kind of early one night last week. Gary was still on the computer, so the lights were on in the bedroom. These are the lights that I swear are burning holes in my retinas even with my eyes closed. He would have turned them off if I had asked, but I would rather be a martyr. I woke up at about 12:30 with a raging headache. I blamed the darn lights which were STILL on. I was mad at Gary for being so inconsiderate even though he wasn't trying to be. I got up to get a drink of water and he followed me into the kitchen. He wanted to make sure I didn't trip over the bike that Carson got for Christmas. I rolled my eyes and went back to bed annoyed. A few minutes later my head felt like someone was drilling into it so I decided to go take an Excedrin. Back I trudged to the kitchen. Gary didn't follow me this time. When I got back to bed, I said something sarcastic like "boy, that was a close one. I'm lucky to still be alive after taking that SCARY trip to the kitchen!" Yeah...sometimes I can be nasty. A few minutes later the caffeine kicked in and the headache went away. He was snoring by this time. He's lucky I didn't smack him...I'm considerate like that. I was up the rest of the night but I got all the laundry done! I finally fell asleep on the couch at about 6 am. A few minutes later Gary came in and woke me up. He thought I might be more comfortable in my bed and he was going to turn on a movie for Carson so that he wouldn't bother me. I gave him the stink eye. He leaned in to kiss me goodbye because he was going to work. I resisted the urge to smack him. I didn't even say anything mean! See how considerate I am?!

Oh...never mind! I know...I'm evil!

Maybe Evil Shanon will be nicer next year.

What?! It could totally happen!