Friday, December 31, 2010

Celebrate

We were invited to party until midnight then we were uninvited.

Gary and I did the happy dance because everyone knows that the best way to celebrate new year's is to stay home in your pjs, write a few blog posts, watch a few old movies, eat lots of snacks and go to bed by nine! We told the kids we were going to make out on the couch all night. They said "ewwww" and made plans to be other places! Now we don't have to share the couch or tell anyone to be quiet! Oh, and we don't really have to make out! Shhh...don't tell the kids our secret.

This might be the best night ever!

Happy New Year everyone!

Goodbye World

A few weeks before Christmas my ovaries exploded. Or my kidneys were failing. Or I had stomach cancer. Or uterine cancer. Or I had colon cancer, they would have to remove it and I would have to wear one of those bags on the outside of my body that catches all my pee and p....

Anyway...you get the idea. I was dying. Oh and I get all my information from google!

I don't like to die quietly so I kept moaning and groaning and complaining to Gary. Every night I would tell him that I would probably die in my sleep (and I may have said something like "HA HA! it serves you right!") He finally suggested that maybe I should go to the doctor. "What?! I can't go to the doctor! It's two weeks before Christmas!" He obviously was not getting my point.

You know why I couldn't go to the doctor, don't you?!

Anyone that listens to Christmas songs knows why you don't go to the doctor right before Christmas. If I went to the doctor, he would tell me that I was dying. Then I would take a turn for the worse and on Christmas Eve, my children would be in a store looking for red Christmas shoes so I would be pretty to meet Jesus and they wouldn't have enough money to pay for them so they would have to beg a grumpy person to help. Of course, his heart would be softened (which I guess is good) and he would pay the difference. The grumpy man would go home and write a song about the experience and my kids would get home just in time to put the shoes on my feet before I kicked the bucket.

AND...

every year after that they would burst into tears every time they heard that song about someone being missing this Christmas!

I just couldn't do that to them!

SO...

instead, I whined all during Christmas break. I still haven't gone to the doctor and I still am dying.

OR...

it might be that I hurt my back when I hauled all of the Christmas decorations down from the attic.

Hopefully, I will be around next Christmas. I doubt it, though, because did you hear the latest?!

I'm dying.

BUT....

at least I'm not dying on Christmas Eve!

What's on my mind....ummm, I can't remember

A few nights ago, as I was brushing my teeth, I had a brilliant idea for a very funny blog post. I don't know about you but I get my best ideas when I am brushing my teeth. Anyway....I thought I should probably write it down but I decided it was so wonderful that I would remember. Ha ha ha! Five minutes later, I couldn't remember my name much less my thoughts. Oh well...trust me. It was great. Too bad I can't remember it.

I went to bed kind of early one night last week. Gary was still on the computer, so the lights were on in the bedroom. These are the lights that I swear are burning holes in my retinas even with my eyes closed. He would have turned them off if I had asked, but I would rather be a martyr. I woke up at about 12:30 with a raging headache. I blamed the darn lights which were STILL on. I was mad at Gary for being so inconsiderate even though he wasn't trying to be. I got up to get a drink of water and he followed me into the kitchen. He wanted to make sure I didn't trip over the bike that Carson got for Christmas. I rolled my eyes and went back to bed annoyed. A few minutes later my head felt like someone was drilling into it so I decided to go take an Excedrin. Back I trudged to the kitchen. Gary didn't follow me this time. When I got back to bed, I said something sarcastic like "boy, that was a close one. I'm lucky to still be alive after taking that SCARY trip to the kitchen!" Yeah...sometimes I can be nasty. A few minutes later the caffeine kicked in and the headache went away. He was snoring by this time. He's lucky I didn't smack him...I'm considerate like that. I was up the rest of the night but I got all the laundry done! I finally fell asleep on the couch at about 6 am. A few minutes later Gary came in and woke me up. He thought I might be more comfortable in my bed and he was going to turn on a movie for Carson so that he wouldn't bother me. I gave him the stink eye. He leaned in to kiss me goodbye because he was going to work. I resisted the urge to smack him. I didn't even say anything mean! See how considerate I am?!

Oh...never mind! I know...I'm evil!

Maybe Evil Shanon will be nicer next year.

What?! It could totally happen!

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Confession

I'm just going to come right out and say it.

I love Rob.

Who is Rob, you ask?

Oh, he's just a guy I met at Home Depot.

It all started on the night before we were to leave for a two-week vacation to Utah. I was doing some last minute cleaning and mopping. I don't know why, but when we are here all the time I don't feel the need to mop the kitchen but if we are leaving for an extended period of time come heck or high water this house WILL BE CLEAN!

The faucet in the kitchen had been leaking all week. Gary decided he needed to fix it before we left. Did I tell you we were leaving for two weeks and that I was frantically cleaning and mopping? Did I mention that it was already midnight and we were supposed to leave really early the next morning? Plumbing and lack of sleep make my normally patient husband really stressed. He always goes a bit insane when he is really stressed. I, on the other hand, am always insane so it was like the perfect storm. I made a few suggestions on how to fix the faucet, he became more annoyed, broke the faucet and then just shut off the water completely. While I was still cleaning the kitchen. Grrr!

We decided to just call it a night when the fiery darts started flying out of my eyes. Early the next morning (an hour or two later than we planned), we left our house and forgot all about that broken faucet. We had a wonderful vacation visiting family and friends.

Two weeks later, when we went to clean the kitchen our first night back, we remembered! We had to haul hot water in from the bathroom to do the dishes because turning off the water included the water to the dishwasher. Desperate times call for desperate measures, so I started looking on the internet for a new faucet. Those suckers are expensive! I started seeing $300 fly right out the window.

The next morning, I decided to take the faucet apart to see if it could be fixed. I discovered a tiny piece of plastic that had broken (while insane Gary was working on it). I took all the pieces to Home Depot to find a new one. I searched all over, couldn't find one and had instead picked up the only faucet that would work on our sink ($250). Just as I was leaving, I got brave and asked a lady that worked there if she knew if they sold that tiny piece of plastic. That's when she introduced me to Rob (insert heavenly chorus). He told me about a plumbing store that would have the part. He even gave me directions (swoon)!

I met Gary at work and we went to the plumbing store together. Hello! I am a big baby through and through. I used up all my braveness at Home Depot. Anyway....we found the store and the part. It cost $2.50! Gary was so excited that he bought me lunch.

I came home and put the faucet back together. It worked perfectly! The kids were all amazed. One of them even said that I am a much better Mr. Fix-it than Dad.

Oh, and Gary was thrilled. He loves it when I fix things around the house and he doesn't have to do it. Especially plumbing.

He hasn't said it out loud, but I think he loves Rob, too.

Monday, November 15, 2010

The stars at night were big and bright

da.da.da.da last night inside my bedroom...

after Gary decked me in the middle of the night with his elbow. It was just like the cartoons. I saw stars. Ouch! How much room does he need? We have a king size bed for heaven's sake.

I woke up with a headache so I took an Excedrin. A jolt of caffeine in the morning was just what I needed to get things done. I folded at least 10 loads of laundry, vacuumed the house, cleaned the bathroom and the kitchen and mopped all of the floors by 10 am.

Did anyone hear the big kaboom this afternoon?

That was me crashing.

Koolaid, Fun Dip and a Camel

Once upon a time there was a mom and dad who were wishy, washy about allowing sleepovers. The children in the family could sense this and POUNCED! Before the parents knew it, there were extra children in the house every weekend. On one such occasion, the friend brought over a quart size ziploc bag full of red Koolaid powder. Sometime during the night, the children accidentally spilled the powder on the carpet and panicked. They didn't want to vacuum the house in the middle of the night so the friend got the brilliant idea to get a wet washcloth and scrub it really good. Any guesses on how that worked?

The mom found the giant red spot on the carpet the next day. She pulled out the carpet cleaner and prayed that the spot would come out. Red Koolaid does not come out of carpet. The mom told the dad, who got really upset. The children were puzzled at the reaction. "What's the big deal, Dad?! It's just carpet!" Cue lecture #301 - "Carpet is expensive and you have ruined it." Oh, and lest you think that the mom did not get angry, she did. She just shows her anger by mumbling under her breath and sending death glares to her children.

Shortly after this incident, the mom and dad sent out a decree that there would be no more sleepovers or Koolaid in the house ever again.

The end.

What about the Fun Dip and camel, you ask?

On Halloween, a very nice lady at church
gave the daughter a giant bag of Fun Dip candy. The daughter was very excited until the dad declared that the Fun Dip would be taken away because of the Koolaid incident. She would be able to eat it but only outside away from the carpet. This caused all of the children in the car to revolt. They even went so far as to tell the dad he was over-reacting which sent him into lecture mode. This conversation started in the church parking lot while the mom was still inside cleaning up. When mom came out to the car, the Fun Dip War had broken out and accusations were flying. The fun conversation continued on for several minutes while the mom tried to retreat to her happy place where children are perfect.

Just as the mom was starting to think that throwing herself out of the speeding car would be a good option, the family passed a camel parked on the side of the road. The mom, who thinks she has now lost her mind says "did we just pass a ...." and the dad says "camel?!" The mom thinks, "well, I was going to say elephant, but I guess that IS a camel!" So the grumbling stops when the mom asks if any of the children saw the camel. All of them start talking about the camel except the most stubborn one who is still hung up on the injustice of no Fun Dip in the house. About 30 seconds later he says "camel? what camel?!"

The stubborn one starts complaining about missing the camel. The pushover dad, who knows when to pick his battles, goes back so that everyone can see the camel.
Phew...the war is over! Who would have thought that a camel would save the day?!



The End


Friday, October 29, 2010

He married me for my vote...

I like to vote for the person that Gary didn't vote for. You know, to cancel out his vote. It drives him crazy.

I'm kidding. I would never do that!

Speaking of voting. I voted today.

It was traumatic, as usual.

I don't like to put myself in situations where I don't know what I'm doing. It seems like every time I go vote, they have a different machine. I'm from the "hanging chad" state. I can't remember how to use these new fancy machines but I said "I'm sure I can figure it out." The voting worker wanted to explain it to me anyway. I listened to all of her instructions. She made sure to tell me that I had to go all the way to the end. I went all the way to the end and the light started blinking. I thought that meant I was finished. As I was leaving I said something about the flashing light. One of the workers went to the booth and called me back. Apparently that red flashing light is saying something like "push me, you moron!"

I blame the worker. Her emphasis was on going to the very end. I didn't remember the "push the red button that says VOTE" because I kept thinking "I must go to the end!" Then there was the lady next to me telling another worker "Oh, I've used this machine at least three times" like she should get a medal or something. Can you see how I got distracted?!

So, anyway, go vote...it's important. If I can do it, you can do it. Oh, and when that button up at the top of the booth starts flashing red lights at you, push it. You can thank me later.

Sigh.....I really miss the hanging chads.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

A Tradition I Could Live Without

We have a tradition in our family.

One that we really don't like.

It started on April 13, 2006. That was the day that our oldest son Christopher James turned 14. It was also the day that James Warburton died. I remember us all sitting around our dining room table, each taking a turn on the phone telling Grandad goodbye. I remember how sad Chris was on his birthday. He was named after his grandad. We were blessed to have taken a trip out to Utah in March to see him before he got too sick. We had fun playing in the snow, building a snowman, and just visiting with a good man who knew he was dying. We are so grateful that we had that time with him.

April 17, 2009 was the day that Kinsey turned 14. My sister died on Kinsey's birthday. Kinsey was very close to her Aunt Lori. I remember gathering as a family that day telling our children that she had died. We talked about how we had prayed for her to be healed and tried to reassure them that Heavenly Father answers prayers but that this time His answer was that it was her time to die. We all sat around and cried for a few minutes and then sent Kinsey to a birthday party planned by her friends for her. Again we were blessed. We had been able to travel to Florida for Christmas. We spent two weeks laughing, singing, playing, camping, and visiting with a brave woman who knew she was dying. We have such great memories of that trip.

October 11, 2010 is the day that Jared turns 14. I'm kind of worried for that day. Call me superstitious but our track record isn't good so far. I'm really hoping we can change that tradition this year.

If we don't though, we are still so very blessed. We know we are an eternal family. We believe that we will see them again. So for now, I will look forward to a happy reunion with my eternal family someday.

I will also be praying that everyone will survive Jared's 14th birthday. Please?!

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Happy Fall, Y'all

It's fall.

I know that because I asked Google and it said that the first day of fall in 2010 was Wednesday, September 22.

I could tell it was coming because I started getting sad this week. Just a little down at first but by Friday the waterworks had arrived.

Fall should be my season...I have red hair for heaven's sake. Every time I wear fall colors someone will always tell me "that's YOUR color!" My house is decorated in fall colors because they are my favorite. I should love fall.

It's a shame it makes me so sad.

Does anyone else have this problem? What do you do to be happy?

Monday, September 20, 2010

Dear Texas,

We got off to a rocky start, you and I. When I heard that we had the opportunity to move to Texas I was worried. My mental picture of Texas was a hot, dusty place with flies. I came to visit for a weekend to go house-hunting with my husband. I remember thinking, as I flew into Austin, how green it was here. It reminded me of Florida.

We moved into the beautiful hill country. Our first summer here it rained a lot. That's what it does in Florida in the summer so we felt right at home. Then it rained so much it started flooding and our real estate agent warned of flash floods. Ummm......flash floods?! Only at the creek, though. We just needed to tell our kids to be careful because floods can come on suddenly and you could get caught in the current and drown. Ummm......drown?! Florida has a much better system for handling rain. It just soaks it all in...no flash flooding. Maybe you should try that.

Our second summer here it didn't rain at all. Everything dried up and died. Gary spent the summer moving the sprinkler all over the yard to save his grass. Everyone started to get worried about the drought conditions so our church leaders asked us to pray for rain. We prayed for rain and boy, did we get rain. It was a welcome relief except for the flooding. Really, you should try and work on that issue. Flooding is a bit excessive, don't you think?!

Our third summer here you seemed to get it right. A little bit of rain every week and no flooding. That's a much better plan if you ask me.

We decided to take a road trip to Utah this summer. We headed off to Albuquerque, NM the first day. My vote was to stop in Lubbock because I am a bad travel companion, but I was out-voted so we kept on going. We stopped along the way for potty breaks. Every time we opened the doors, those flies that I had worried about, would fly into our car. It was not pleasant. Carson does not like bugs. We tried to be nice and open the windows to let the flies out but they didn't leave. When Carson sees a bug he screams.....REALLY LOUD!!! It makes us all a bit grumpy so we started squishing the pesky things. I kind of think you should get rid of the flies.

Two weeks later we pulled back into Texas. Oh...hello flies and hot weather. We did not miss you at all. I will admit, though, that when we pulled into our little town it was nice to be home. Yes, you did it. You made me love you and I am happy to be back. We had a nice trip.

So really, you are a great place to live. There are a lot of good people here that agree with me. We have made lots of friends and love it here. If you could just do something about the hot summers. You should get some advice from Utah because the weather is much more pleasant there. A little coolness in the evenings goes a long way! Also, the flies are really annoying! Maybe if you spent a day in the car with Carson you would realize the error of your ways. Oh, and I thought you had gotten it right on the amount of rain you could handle but then you started flooding again. You should probably keep working on that.

I don't want to end on a negative note though so let me just tell you....the snow last winter? Nice touch!! That was a great idea. One day of snow, just enough to make a snowman and then *poof* gone by the afternoon! Good work. Utah could learn a few things from you!

Love, Shanon

PS Thank you for not giving Gary a ticket on the first day of our trip. I guess he was so excited to see Utah that he forgot to obey the speed limit. You have some really patient highway patrolmen here. That was so nice of him to just give Gary a warning. Don't worry, I gave Gary the stink-eye and told him to slow down!

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Isn't It Ironic?

Conversation on the way to church:

Emily: Hey, look, that's where we bought my viola yesterday (pointing to the Wal-mart parking lot. Yes, my husband bought a viola in a parking lot...what's wrong with that?!)

Gary: Yep, that right where we bought it.

Emily: Did you know that there is a country song about a Wal-mart parking lot?

Gary: No...I didn't know that.

Emily: I think it's ironic that you bought my viola in a Walmart parking lot and there is a song about a Wal-mart parking lot!

Me: (glancing over at an amused Gary) I think it's ironic that my 11 year old is using the word ironic.

Emily: What...why are you laughing?

Gary: It's just that....blah blah blah...wonderful vocabulary....blah blah blah....very intelligent...blah blah blah...well spoken...blah blah blah...for someone so young...

Emily: What?!

Me: Your dad and I didn't use the word ironic until we were in our forties.

Gary: Yeah, listen to your mom she always explains things so much better.

Emily: Oh, okay!

Friday, July 23, 2010

A Peek Inside My Head

I always have strange thoughts running through my head. It's a good thing I'm quiet or people would think I am crazy. Sometimes, I start to write a post and never finish it. These are some of the posts I've started in the last few months. Remember, it's not nice to judge!

Facing My Fears. That's all I wrote...just a title. I think it was about driving to the dentist. The roads here in Texas are tall. They have 3-4 roads stacked on top of each other. Every time I go to the dentist I have to go on the very top road. Every time I go on that very top road I think how easy it would be to drive right over the edge. There is only a 2 foot concrete wall keeping me from driving to my death and I'm not even suicidal! Think about if I was. That wall does not comfort me one little bit. One day I drove to the dentist without thinking about falling to my death. Now that's progress! My mom thinks I should quit going to the dentist.

My husband is trying to kill me. Tonight I decided to play the piano while I waited for the slowest kid on the planet to get ready to go to a friend's house. I was supposed to leave to get Kinsey from youth night so I asked slow kid to hurry. I was in the middle of playing a song that I have been practicing on the piano so I told him we would leave when I finished. Just as I got to the ff part of the song...the big finish...my husband comes up behind me and yells "SHANON, IT'S 8:23. DON'T YOU NEED TO LEAVE?" I'm not kidding...his hands were cupped around his mouth and he was screaming! I think my heart stopped beating for a few seconds. I still can't play that part of the song without twitching.

No Title. My jaw hurts. Really bad. A constant ache that does not go away even when I take 800 mg of ibuprofen. I went back to the dentist today so he could see what was wrong. He still thinks it's because I clench my teeth. I think it's because he shot my nerve and it's mad. Either way, I would really like for someone to chop my head off or maybe shoot me. A month later and it still hurts, but only sometimes. I have sworn off ibuprofen though because I'm pretty sure I have some horrible liver disease.

Four Eyes. Back in December, I took all of my children to the eye doctor. Emily was really hoping that she would need glasses, but in a cruel twist of fate, she has 20/20 vision. A couple months after her appointment she started reading lots. She had her nose in a book all the time. I had to make her go outside to play. I am sooooo mean! She also started saying that she couldn't see the board at school. She told everyone she met that she couldn't see far away. I had moms and teachers from both school and church asking me if I knew that she couldn't see. I had my suspicions that she really just wanted glasses so I kept putting it off. Then Gary decided to take matters in his own hands and make an appointment for her. Turns out...I was right! She still has 20/20 vision. Thankfully the doctor gave her a good lecture on telling the truth and how awful bad vision is once you get over the coolness of glasses. My daughter is a good...ummm...non-truth teller. If only my husband had listened to my mother's intuition. He could have saved that $29. I would NEVER say "I told you so" though because that would not be nice.

No Title.


I'm not sure why I had a picture of my feet on my blog, but there you go. My feet. Funny story. At least I can laugh about it now...on a good day. In junior high (that's what 8th-9th grade was called waaay back when) I had a melt down one morning before school (actually it happened regularly because I hated school). I was crying uncontrollably when my mom came in to see why I was so upset. With tears streaming down my face I pointed to my feet and said "myyyyy feeettt aarrrreee uuuggggleeee!" I don't remember what she said but I think her standard response was "you are beautiful...do you need to stay home from school today?" My mom had the same hatred of school that I had so she let me stay home a lot. She's nice that way. I love my mom! I make my kids go to school even when they are sick. I am mean that way. In all fairness, though, I've been crazy for a long time. My kids are pretty normal...I think.

Did You Know? Ummm....obviously, I didn't know either because that's all I wrote. Weird!

The People in the Audience Are Screaming At Me. Long story short, I was invited to go see Twilight. I haven't read the books or seen the movies so I hesitated, but thought it would be nice to get out of my chair so I said yes. My plan was to rent the movies and watch them before I went. The day of the big Girl's Night Out I still hadn't seen the movies so Kinsey and I went to Blockbuster to rent them. We searched all over for those movies but couldn't find them so we asked for help. Then the employee searched all over and finally found them right in front of our face. I went to pay for them and my credit card was denied so I gave them another one and that one was denied too! Then she took my card and walked to the other side of the desk to make a phone call! I was thinking that the police were going to come and I was going to be arrested for stealing my own credit card. I was starting to panic when she said "okay, it will go through later tonight" When I asked her why my credit cards were denied she said all calm like "oh, our system is messed up." There I was a stressed out puddle on the floor! As I was walking to the car I told Kinsey that the audience watching my life movie was screaming at me. "Don't watch those movies!" I couldn't watch them...after all, I've seen a suspenseful movie before! I'm not dumb enough to go in there! Yeah....I couldn't watch Lost either. I was so stressed by the end of each hour that I had a headache. Wimp!

So there you go. A peek inside my head. Scary, isn't it?! I was just telling someone yesterday that my anxiety was all under control. I didn't need that darn anti-anxiety medicine. After reading my thoughts from the last few months, I'm starting to wonder. What do you think? Oh, never mind, don't answer that!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Don't Do It!

I took Kinsey to the airport today. She is headed to Florida to visit friends and frolic on the oily beaches. As you can see she is very sad to be going.



Oh...who am I kidding...she couldn't get out of here fast enough!



As we were pulling into the airport, I told her that I didn't feel good about her going so she was just going to have to cancel her trip. She said "no way mom, I'm not going to let that audience* in your head keep me from going to Florida." Darn kid sure is getting sassy!

I let her go, but I didn't want to. A word of advice to my friend (Kristi) who is deathly afraid of flying: try to get over it before your kids are able to fly on their own. It is much harder to put your kids on the flying death trap than it is to put yourself on one. Trust me on this!

*You know the audience that screams "don't go in there" at all suspenseful movies! I have one in my head that tells me not to watch Twilight movies and to never do anything scary!

Monday, July 12, 2010

You're Not Old, Ma'am

I took my daughter and her friend shopping today. She was looking for some shorts...preferably some that were more than an inch below her fanny. We went into the local teeny bopper store and started looking around. I picked up a pair of shorts that were long enough but had a golf ball size hole in each pant leg right below the front pockets. I was giving them a disapproving look when she sarcastically gasped and said "show some skin?" I said something like "watch it little missy or I'll take you home right now and give you a modesty lesson!" Yes...I said "little missy."

I am not a shopper. I like to get in and get out, but my daughter likes to take her time. I browsed through the clothing quickly and decided that I was too old to wear the flowered leggings and printed t-shirts that were being sold there. About that time, an employee asked if he could help me, ma'am? Yes, he called me ma'am.

I was finished browsing so I found a bench to sit on while they looked around and tried things on. The songs playing on the radio were about being 15 and hating everything. I sat and wondered when I had gotten so old. Just about that time I glanced over to see a pair of pink and black undies with a teeny tiny bow on the back. It made me wonder when they started putting bows on the backside instead of the front. Yes, I needed to sit down and ponder the placement of bows.

After a few minutes, she was ready for me to pay for her shorts...the ones without the holes. I declined when the employee asked if I'd like to purchase their perfume. Perfume gives me a headache. Yes, I said headache.

As I was walking to the door a different employee asked me if I was finding everything ma'am. I said "yes". I was waiting by the door when he said "you look like you are ready to leave." I told him that his store made me feel very old. He told me that I was not old and they had clothes for everyone. I told him he just called me ma'am, that makes me old. He assured me that he calls everyone ma'am. As we were leaving, he made a point of calling my daughter and her friend ma'am. No, I don't believe he calls everyone ma'am.

Tomorrow I will start looking for support hose and a cane. At least I still have my teeth!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

It's Great To Be







Carson's birthday is Friday. He had some visitors come over to welcome him into cub scouts. He enjoyed talking to them. He told them all about his family and Spongebob. He showed them how to shoot hoops. He taught them some sign language. He charmed them and was a perfect gentleman. They pulled out the donuts and he screamed for joy. He loves donuts! Then they had to leave so he walked them to the door and said "thank you". After they left, he ran into the kitchen and ate his eight!

Friday, June 18, 2010

Only Floss the Teeth You Want To Keep

Gary decided the last week of school that he would make dental appointments for all of us. It may have been my fault because he caught me rubbing my jaw and asked if I had a sore tooth. I think I said something like my jaw keeps popping so I think I might have TMJ or a cavity that has gotten infected, which is slowing making it's way up to my brain and will probably kill me any day now. He told me I should make an appointment to see his dentist because he is a very nice man. I said no thank you I'd rather die of a brain infection than go see a dentist.

He took that to mean that he should make appointments for all of us. He set mine for 8:00 on a Monday morning. That right there tells me he doesn't love me. Who would set an appointment for someone they love on a Monday 8 am appointment? Hasn't he heard that song "Monday, Monday, can't trust that day?!" I went...against my better judgment.

The last time I went to the dentist, I had to have a cavity filled. I told them ahead of time that I get a little anxious as in shaking uncontrollably through the entire procedure at the dentist. They didn't seem to care although they did get me head phones so I could hear what was playing on the TV above my head. So while the dentist was drilling holes in my head while I shake uncontrollably I watch and listened as a crab was pecked to death by a seagull. Somehow that seemed symbolic. Everyone else tells me they get to watch shows like Full House, but not me. I guess the dentist thought the best way to deal with my anxiety was to show me that it could be worse...I could be pecked to death by a seagull. Being drilled to death by a dentist is a much better way to go!

So, I get my teeth squeaky clean with only a minimal amount of shaking. The dentist I go to always checks my blood pressure before he does anything. When they checked mine they said something like "whoa...did you take your medicine this morning?" When I said no they wanted to know if I had any with me. I didn't, but I told them not to worry because as soon as I leave this place it will be back to normal. The dentist came in and said "word on the street is that you get anxious at the dentist." Then he proceeded to tell me that I had two cavities that needed to be filled. "Don't worry though he says, I give great shots" I had even read a review about him on the internet and someone said "he gives great shots." None of that was comforting to me.

So, my appointment was set and I went back for my fillings. I think I may have said something like "I'm like a lamb off to the slaughter" when I said goodbye to Gary. This time I took my medicine but it didn't seem to help, my blood pressure was still way to high. They sit me in a chair in front of a TV that has the Today show playing. At that moment in the show there was a man being interviewed that had just been mauled by a bear. He had scars all over him and a patch over one eye. Then they warned us that some images might be disturbing as they showed what he looked like after the bear got him. Yeah, dentist man, that helps this over-anxious girl to feel calm before going under the drill.

So he came in gloating on his ability to give good shots, grabbed my cheek, stuck the needle in and yowza! He hit a nerve! He says yeah, that happens sometimes. Then he stuck the needle in again and hit the nerve again. Ouch! All this time it feels like there is an earthquake in his office because I am shaking so much. He keeps trying to comfort me by telling me that now that the shots are done nothing will hurt so I should just sit back and relax. Yeah...he doesn't know me very well. To his credit, he is one of the nicest dentists I have ever had. All the other dentists I've had just ignored my discomfort. The last one seemed to like to watch the seagull destroy the crab more than he liked watching what he was doing. This dentist took the time to tell me what he was doing, what it would sound like, and if I needed a break just let him know. Normally, I appreciate such kindness, but I have to admit I was thinking "just shut-up and get this done so I can get out of here." I survived, but now every time I fall asleep someone starts drilling on my teeth. I haven't had a good night's sleep since.

Oh, and to add insult to injury, Gary made appointments for everyone. I have been back and forth to that dentist for the past three weeks. Gary sure does know how to ruin a summer! One child had to have his wisdom teeth taken out, two have cavities, and one needs braces. The child that NEVER remembers to brush his teeth had no cavities. Is that fair?! Oh, and that jaw pain I was having? That's from clenching my teeth all the time. Apparently, I'm stressed. I wonder why?!

Monday, June 14, 2010

Naptime!

The other day when I was out getting the mail, my neighbor was finishing her run while pushing something similar to this (when I say similar, I mean it looked nothing like this except that it had a place for 6 babies to sit):



She has 5 children under the age of 3 and she was out jogging with them. She wasn't even huffing and puffing...she actually had a smile on her face like she was enjoying it. I said hi and then went back to my house. Just watching her made me tired. I have to climb several stairs to get to my front door. I was huffing and puffing when I came inside. I decided I should probably lay down and take a nap. Excercise sure is exhausting!

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Public Service Announcement

One day you might wake up and decide that today will be the day that you clean your nasty bathroom. So you spray everything down with your cleaner of choice. Mine is CLR Kitchen and Bath. Then you will start to clean one thing at a time usually letting the grossest things like your shower and toilet soak a little longer. Then after several minutes you might decide to walk into the shower to clean the walls before you clean the floor because, you know, it just makes sense to go from top to bottom. Well, that might cause your foot to slip right out from under you and even though Mr. Clean looks strong he will not come out of his magic eraser to save you. That will cause your life to flash before your eyes and you will see yourself in the emergency room with a broken head, back, arm or other limb. If you're lucky, your arm might get caught on the faucet which might save you from falling but will leave you with a nasty bruise. The downside to that though, may be that the faucet will bend ever so slightly so it makes it hard to turn on the water. Which will cause your husband to have to do some plumbing. Your manly husband might then whimper and say something like "I hate plumbing". That might lead to some colorful language spoken by your normally calm husband when said plumbing does not go as planned. It will not make things better to say something like "but we have a clean bathroom" because at that moment your husband will wish that he had a dirty bathroom with no plumbing problems. He might even say something like "honey, why don't you just stay in bed next time you get the urge to clean" or "just leave the shower to me next time, it's too dangerous for you to clean." You will be more than happy to oblige because after all, wasn't that your plan in the first place? To try and figure out a way to get your husband to clean the bathroom?

You're welcome!

Monday, June 7, 2010

My Life Purpose Stinks

Last night Carson came into my room saying "ow" and holding out his hand. My job in that situation is to kiss it and make it better so I did. As I was kissing the injured finger I got a whiff of poop. Oh, and did I mention that when he came into my room with his injured finger he was completely naked?! I quickly came to the conclusion that the naked boy and poop smell were a cause for alarm so I sent Carson to the bathroom and asked him what he did with his clothes. He doesn't speak very clearly but from the inflection in his voice I determined that he said "I dunno!" So off I went on a hunt through the house looking for clothes with poop on them. I found them upstairs in the bathroom. Phew! No poop stains or smears anywhere but the bathroom. Bless his heart, he had tried to clean up his mess. He had swished his poopy underwear in the toilet just like his mommy does (because I have a voice running through my head that sounds an awful lot like my husband that says we can't throw away those underwear we must wash them!) It made me smile to think of how thoughtful Carson was to clean up his own mess......until I realized that the little hand I had just kissed had been swishing poopy underwear in the toilet only moments before it touched my lips. That's when it hit me. I have been wiping poop from bottoms for over 18 years. That is my purpose in life...to wipe bottoms. I just have to say...my purpose in life stinks!!

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Happy Anniversary Rico



This is my first husband. His name was Rico Suave. Tragically, he disappeared in a shaving accident soon after we were married. He was such a romantic, always bringing me flowers and cards, taking me to Broadway plays where we sat right up front, taking me out on dates. We were so happy.

I met Gary the day that Rico disappeared. They were so much alike except Gary didn't have a mustache and was much more practical. I was pregnant with Christopher at the time so it was very important to Gary that we save all of our money. No more dates, flowers or plays. He even decided that it would be a good idea to use the money his parents gave us as a wedding present (to go to Hawaii) to remodel our kitchen.

Sometimes, I think Rico has come back. Like one day Gary called just to see how I was doing. I was thinking "how sweet of him" when I heard the toilet flush. "Are you in the bathroom?!" Then he swept me off my feet when he said he thought he'd call while he was taking a potty break. "You know me...I just thought I'd kill 2 birds with one stone." No more romantic words have ever been spoken!

This past Monday we celebrated our 19th wedding anniversary. I have a vase full of beautiful yellow flowers sitting on my table and a nice card sitting by my bedside. The best present Gary gave me though, was when he said that I could sleep in while he got the kids ready for school. I have never received a nicer present. He even surprised me by letting me sleep in every day this week. I am so spoiled!!

Happy Anniversary Rico. I hardly missed you at all this year.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

I Didn't Know He Got Shot That Soon

Friday night I walked into the living room just as Carson witnessed his very first assassination. Ghandi was shot while my cute little innocent boy watched. He did not protest as I rushed him out of the room while glaring at my husband. Carson was looking a little sleepy (or traumatized, I'm not sure which) so I got him ready for bed. He snuggled in bed while I rubbed his back and watched his cute little eyes roll up in his head and then close...for about 5 seconds. Apparently, that was enough sleep for him. Next thing I knew, he had crawled under the covers to the end of the bed, poked his little head out and said "hi mom"! I think someone put Red Bull in his juice! Within 5 minutes he had gone from snoozing to jumping and throwing himself onto the bed in fits of laughter. I finally had to resort to drastic measures. I put on my pjs, turned out the lights, and climbed into bed. So much for a little computer time, that kid had worn me out. While Ghandi blared in the background I bored him to sleep.

Monday To-do list: Get Gary and Chris' hearing checked. Throw out the TV. Find out what's in that juice.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Remember Who You Are

Dear Heavenly Father,

I'm angry today. It all started last night when I told Gary what he would be doing for the weekend and he said something like "if I had said that to you..." which of course is right, but how dare he call me on it. So, I quit talking to him for the rest of the night. I also did not fold his laundry! So there! This morning I woke up in a mood. A get-out-of-my-face-leave-me-alone-get-yourself-ready-for-school-or-else kind of mood. No one in this house gets my mood language though so after getting the kids on the bus I left. As I left, I asked Gary to please not lock the door when he left because I didn't have a key. He YELLED...JUST TO BE ON THE SAFE SIDE, I'LL LEAVE THE BACK DOOR UNLOCKED. Thanks dear, now everyone in town knows our back door is unlocked. I went for a walk with my sansa clip playing Mercy River. Surely they could lighten my mood. Not today, so I got mad at them too and turned.them.off! I listened to Brad Paisley sing "Online" instead. Humph!

As I walked, I made a long mental list of why my life stinks. Count my blessings...hah! Counting life's gross injustices is so much better in these kinds of situations. I listed every bad thing I could think of from being depressed ALL MY LIFE to the fact that at one point I had red hair, freckles, glasses, aannnd braces all at the same time! Come on! Really?!! Some people had braces but were beautiful blonds, some had freckles but they were cute little ones right on top of the nose. Was it really necessary to put the top 4 curses of childhood all on one little body?! Then, the "cherry on top"?! Make her a social outcast and put her right smack dab in the middle of two beautiful and talented sisters! Not nice...not nice at all.

The next thing on my list? I am such a horrible person that no one even wants to be my friend. Why can't I have just one good friend? Someone that will go with me to the mall and tell me what not to wear?! I'm not asking to be popular just one good friend?! I mean, I know I'm cranky and sad all the time but isn't there one person that could love a grouch like me? Even Oscar (the grouch) and Eeyore (the donkey) have a few good friends. I know...to have a friend, you have to be a friend. Blah, blah, blah.

Couldn't I at least have a talent or two? I know I can paint, and sing, and play the piano. Everyone can do that though. I mean a really good talent. Something that would make people take notice and be amazed! My sisters have talents like that, why couldn't I?!

Oh, and while we are on the subject of me...couldn't I have a naturally fast metabolism? I want to eat chocolate and unhealthy food, not exercise, but still be skinny. Workout?! I don't want to have to workout! Can't you do this one thing for me? You know since You "shortchanged" me on everything else!

I also want to be the most spiritual woman at church. Praying and reading my scriptures? I have to do that? Why? Can't You just give me that knowledge? I pray sometimes, like right now when I'm angry. You want me to serve others?! Even Gary and the kids? Do you see how they treat me?! I don't see the point! I can see this little chat is getting me no where. I'll just go back to my list of why my life stinks. AMEN!

Dear Shanon,

Since you didn't take time to listen for an answer to your prayer, I will try to reach you some other way. Maybe while you are on Facebook, I can get your attention with the LDS Seminary link. There are a couple of good Mormon messages you need to hear.






I love you dear daughter of mine. Heavenly Father

I have no other words, except I am humbled and grateful.

Monday, May 10, 2010

The Lady of the House is Withdrawing

I went off all of my medicines.

Cold turkey.

You should never do that!

I know better!

I did it anyway.

I have been in a self-induced "detox" for 10 days now.

I have not laughed so much in years! That's great?! You're happy for me?! The problem is, the things I laugh at aren't funny! Your dog died? Funny! Your house burned down? Ha Ha! You fell and broke your leg? Hysterical! Car crashes? Stop it...you're killing me!

I now have a potty mouth! I can count on one hand (okay...maybe two) how many times I have said anything stronger than "darn" in my entire life! All of a sudden...my word...I'm startin' to talk like a sailor! Only in my head though. Oh...and the rant that Gary was so lucky to hear today when he called to say hi and ask if he could talk to Chris. "H*** no you can't talk to Chris...I am busy right now." I just know he is so happy to be married to such a sweet girl!

I can't stand the sight of....wait for it...CHOCOLATE! Yes, I said chocolate. The girl with the year's supply of chocolate cannot stand the sight of it. Emily made brownies for Mother's day. My brownie was still sitting there today and I finally gave it to the kids. I have had a MEDIUM size bag of M&Ms for over a week now. Two weeks ago, I would have inhaled those suckers in seconds! Good news, though, I've lost a few pounds!

Guess what I've been craving!! Go ahead...guess!! I can wait! Vegetables. Yes, VEGETABLES! I've eaten celery, carrots, potatoes, corn, onions, lettuce, beans....and I didn't even gag! I might have even liked them, but shhh don't tell Gary. Today I was looking for fruit to eat for a snack!

I think hell has frozen over! Darn!! There I go again! If you'll excuse me, I need to go wash my mouth out with soap!

PS Emily just came in and said "mom, do you remember when I had a urinal infection last year?" I was laughing so hysterically I couldn't even tell Gary the story. He didn't think it was that funny. Oh, well.

PSS I was not laughing that Emily had an infection, but that she called it a urinal infection.

PSSS You might want to stay as far away from me as possible this week.

PSSSS If I laugh at your tragedies please forgive me and know that I am crying on the inside.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Friday, April 2, 2010

Ummm.....Should Wife Be Offended?

Location: The garage in husband and wife's new house in Texas

Background: Husband has done whatever he wants in the garage in the past four houses they have lived in. Wife always became frustrated when she needed something in the garage because husband's idea of organization is pile everything on shelves but not in any order so the "order" was undone every time something was needed. Wife was getting very annoyed.

Scene: Husband and wife disagreeing on how to organize the garage. Wife wants to go through everything in garage, throw out or give away stuff they don't need, put similar things together, find storage containers that those similar things will fit in, then build shelves according to size of container. Husband wants to put up a few shelves above garage door. He can't do anything in the garage until he puts up those shelves! Wife, who is extremely annoyed says fine, go ahead. So husband builds shelves. Then husband proceeds to put all of wife's organized boxes that were lined up neatly against wall on the shelves. He does not, however, put up any of his things that are piled up on the floor covering half of the garage. Wife is even more annoyed. Husband is happy because he finally built those shelves!

Months pass: Wife has brillant idea to organize the rest of the garage on the long Thanksgiving weekend. She thinks that surely they can get it done in the three days and still have Sunday to rest before going back to work. Wife thinks Thanksgiving dinner at Cracker Barrel is a good idea. CB cooks the food, family eats the food, CB cleans up the mess AND does the dishes. Husband thinks this is a great idea but thinks that he should still cook Thanksgiving dinner, then clean the kitchen, wake up early the next morning, go do Black Friday shopping, he'll be done early and then they can start working on the garage. Wife says that is starting a day and 1/2 late. Husband assures wife that they can still get it done.

Day 1: Nothing done on Thanksgiving day except cook, make a mess, eat, clean up mess, nap, watch football, eat some more, go to bed.

Day 2: Husband goes shopping, doesn't get home until afternoon, then they start on the garage. They empty out garage, start to decide what will be gotten rid of or given away, get done late at night, put everything back in garage. Wife reminds husband that they could have gotten more done if they had started sooner. Husband ignores wife.

Day 3: Wife threatens husband if he even dares think about making pancakes he's in trouble! Husband wisely chooses a quick bowl of cereal. They go outside and start to pull out everything again and start sorting it putting similar things together and trying to figure out a place to put everything and where to build shelves. They then start putting things in containers. Husband decides that before he can do anything else, he has to build himself a workbench so he runs out to Home Depot to get a few things. He comes back a LONG while later and they start building the workbench. They work well into the night, don't quite finish the workbench and then put everything back in the garage.

Day 4: Family goes to church and then decides to rest from their labors. Wife is a little annoyed that garage looks the same as it did when they started, but husband assures wife that he will work on it during the week and finish his workbench so they can finish garage.

Four months pass: Husband has what he has wanted since he first saw the garage. A few shelves above the garage door and a somewhat organized workbench. Wife, still, after 19 years of marriage opens the door and sees husband's tools neatly put on shelves above workbench. She also sees that after all that work she still cannot park in the garage because of all the yard tools, bikes, giant box of 1000s of baseball cards, and things that husband wants to sell at a garage sale (if he ever has one) STILL in the middle of garage.

Present: Conversation that occured on April 2, 2010

Wife needs her stuff down from the shelves because she is trying to get a scrapbook done of oldest son's scouting years together for his Eagle Court of Honor. She has been asking husband for atleast a month to please get stuff down.

Husband always says he'll do it tomorrow. Husband never does. Wife asks why he put all of her stuff that was stacked neatly along a wall up on the very high shelves instead of his stuff that is in the middle of the garage. Husband said it was easier to do her stuff (because it was stored neatly in plastic containers). Then he reminds wife that she has to admit that those containers have not been touched in two years.

Wife starts to raise her voice and says that he has not used some of his tools since he purchased a fixer-upper, spent hours and hours away from home to finish said house, while his wife was at home taking care of everything from finances to children 4 years ago. Wife then reminds him that his "investment" earned him about a penny a day for several months.

Husband reminds wife of how the market dropped and he was lucky he made any money at all.

Wife starts to get a little bit irrational and starts bringing up other things that husband does wrong like calling her during the day to give her a list of things she needs to get done. Something that annoys wife very much.

Someone mentions eternal marriage.

Wife asks husband if he is going to keep telling her what and how to do things for eternity?

Husband says that it is a blessing that he tells her what to do. We will only be able to take a few things with us when we die, one of them being the knowledge of how to work. He also says that he is hoping that one day wife will learn to do things on her own so that he won't have to keep telling her what to do.

Wife yells that she learned how to take care of the house, bills, children, and everything else while he was off earning pennies a day remodeling THAT house.

Husband says he thinks he will go find some work to do. Husband should probably sleep with one eye open for a few nights. Wife hopes husband has learned all he needs to learn because his life on earth may be shortened a bit.

Ahhhhh......Eternal Bliss


Update:

Wife discovers that writing it all out made her anger go away.

Husband says that this is a very interesting post and thinks wife should be happy since he gives her so much good material for her blog.

Wife smiles at husband but would rather have heard that he would finish the garage.

Husband is planning on sleeping with one eye open.

Wife thinks that's a wise choice for husband.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

A Birthday Giveaway!

Auntie Anne and I go waaay back! I met her one day as I was walking thru the mall in Florida. One of her friends offered me a taste of her yummy original pretzel. Ahhh...it was love at first bite! I started finding excuses to go to the mall so I could have more. I even shared the love with my family. Now, my daughter insists that we get a pretzel every time we go to the mall. Imagine my surprise when we moved to Texas and discovered that Auntie Anne had placed one of her stores at MY local Wal-Mart! Wasn't that just so thoughtful of her? She must have known how much I would miss Florida and remembered how much I dislike going to Wal-Mart so she put it there to say "good job, Shanon, for making it thru this place...here have a pretzel!"

Auntie Anne considers me one of her best friends! She sends me emails all the time with special coupons and free stuff. She knows that I am having a hard time with the loss of my sister so she decided to let me have a free pretzel on the Saturday before my birthday. Isn't she just the best friend ever?!!!!! She even said that I could share with all my friends! Soooo, in honor of my birthday, she is offering everyone a free cinnamon or original pretzel! You get a pretzel, you get a pretzel, you get a pretzel, you get a pretzel........don't you feel like you are on the Oprah show?!



Oh, and don't be jealous of my friendship with Auntie Anne. You can be her friend too. You can join her facebook group. She probably won't build a special Auntie Anne's just for you in Wal-Mart, but I bet she'll send you coupons! One more thing, if you do get a pretzel (or even if you don't) you must remember to wish me a happy birthday on Feb. 22. I guess she forgot to put that on the notice. Just an oversight on her part, I suppose, because I know she will feel so terrible when I point that out to her. Be grateful that this giveaway does not require any effort on my part because we all know that it would not happen if I was in charge!

Enjoy and no need to send thank you notes...the smile on your face and the chub on your cheeks (from the pretzel) is all the thanks that I need! You are welcome!

Auntie Anne + Shanon = BFs 4 ever!

Monday, February 15, 2010

Do They Celebrate Birthdays In Heaven?

I've been celebrating my birthday with the same person since I was just shy of my second birthday. My mom went away for a couple of days and came home with this baby right before I turned 2. Can you believe that?! I don't really remember much about her coming home, but from the pictures I have seen I was not very happy about it!

Every February, even though I was the oldest(!) we would celebrate her birthday first. That was so unfair! I would ask my mom "why does she get to celebrate hers first? I am older!" I'm sure my mom looked so forward to February. I know she couldn't wait for the yearly argument over why Lori got to be first!



We have had fun over the years celebrating together. Sometimes we had birthday parties together like the surprise party that my older sister and her friends planned. We were very surprised and had a great day. When we were older, we would go on a shopping spree. We had great fun picking out things for ourselves and having my mom pay for it. That's the best way to shop!



I turned forty a few months after we moved to Texas. I was feeling sorry for myself with no plans for a celebration. I wasn't even put on the RS newsletter birthday list! Poor Gary had to comfort me while I cried on his shoulder about how I was invisible to everyone in the ward. I moped around for a few days, quit cleaning our house and quit taking showers. I was in this awful state of filth one night when the doorbell rang. There on the front porch was my family! My mom, dad and Lori with her 2 kids. I was so excited to see them (although I wish I had known, I would have cleaned my house or myself) and we had a nice birthday celebration! I think we even went shopping!

Lori would have turned 40 today. She told me that if she made it to 40 she would have a big party. I would have even gotten over my fear of flying to be there! I wonder if they had a big party for her in heaven today. I hope so. She has a few friends and lots of family there. I can't believe she left me here to celebrate my birthday alone. Maybe she got tired of hearing me complain every year. I hope that next year I will be able to celebrate her birthday without crying so much. I miss her alot!



Happy Birthday Lori!

I love you!

Friday, February 5, 2010

A very sad tale...

Once upon a time, there was a teeny, tiny girl floating around in a world of amniotic fluid. She was very happy and content in this place. So content in fact, that she decided to stay in an extra 22 days. She was hanging on until her mama could come up with a different name than Cecilia Leigh (you should hear the six girl's names she had picked!) Oh, boy did her daughters dodge a bullet!

This teeny, tiny girl's dad was a police officer. One day this officer pulled over a girl named Shannon. He thought that she was pretty and he liked her name so he came home and told his wife that he thought that instead of Cecelia Leigh they should name her after the pretty girl (who probably drove away with a warning, not a ticket). The mama thought that was okay so they named her Shannon Del. This was a fine name except that the police officer thought that the extra "n" in the middle of Shannon was not necessary so he threw away that pesky extra "N" and spelled it Shanon Del.

The teeny, tiny girl decided that Shanon Del was much better than Cecilia Leigh so she made her fashionably late appearance on Feb. 22, 19-- (no need to share ALL the details.) She weighed in at a whopping 7 lbs and 15.5 oz and was 20ish in. long. She was the most beautiful baby girl in all the land (hey, I'm writing this story!) with the most beautiful red hair anyone had ever seen.

This teeny, tiny girl was very happy until she was 9 months old. She decided at that point that this place called earth wasn't that great and she was ready to move back to her previous home, a place called Heaven. Everyone kept telling her that she had to stay and endure to the end. That sure did get her fiery red-headed temper going! There was nothing she could do though so for the last ?? years she has been enduring well. Some might disagree, but as I said before, I am writing this story!

Things got worse for the girl named Shanon when she started a horrible thing called kindergarten. That was when everyone started spelling her name wrong (or right if you are in the majority of the population). She has corrected the misspelling of her name more times than she can count. Over time, though, because she is such a pleasant person she finally learned to let it go...she even started to like the spelling of her name. That is until she saw this on facebook:

Go to urbandictionary.com, type in your first name, copy and paste this as your status, and put the first entry for your name under comments.

The beautiful, red-headed girl decided to go look up her name so she could see what her wonderful, uniquely spelled name said:

Shanon: Great pride and loyalty. Leader among all and soft hearted. Fun loving, exciting, interesting, worldly, hard working, masculine male figure.

Very nice.....if you are a masculine male figure. Last time she checked she was a feminine female figure. She then wondered what urbandictionary.com would say if her name was spelled with that extra "N".

Shannon: irish for little wise owl. Someone who is beautiful, inside and out. She's down to earth and crazy but you can't figure her out, which makes you love her all the more. She's also fun and funny and someone you can defiantly trust. They usually have red or dark hair and have beautiful natural highlights that others have to buy in a bottle. They are truly a unique person and one of a kind.

Look what she could have been. How unfair that the girl had missed out on all of those wonderful qualities all because her dad thought that pesky little "N" didn't matter....and she lived regretfully ever after murmuring "I knew it was somehow my daddy's fault!"

The End

The Sad, Sad, Sad End

The moral of the story: always check urbandictionary.com before naming your baby and make sure you spell it correctly. Unless, of course, you find pleasure in ruining a girl's life!