Thursday, November 24, 2011

A Few Thoughts on Thanksgiving

A few days ago, Gary decided to ask the family what they wanted to eat for Thanksgiving dinner.

I immediately thought turkey but everyone else in the family said ham.

Ham?!

For Thanksgiving?!

Ham is an Easter food...maybe a Christmas food if you had your fill of turkey at Thanksgiving.

It is never the main dish at Thanksgiving!

That is against the law!

Do you ever see a cute pig come home in your child's folder with thankful feathers attached to it?

No!

It's always a turkey!

You are supposed to have turkey for Thanksgiving!

Guess what we are having for dinner today?

A traditional Easter dinner.

Ham and twice-baked potatoes.

Gary gave me my choice of vegetables.

How cruel is that?!

At least we get to have sweet potato casserole.

A word on sweet potatoes, though.

They leak more than regular potatoes.

That sweet potato juice doesn't smell so sweet when it is a big pile of charcoal on the bottom of your oven.

You pay a big price when you let your husband take over the cooking.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Saturday, October 8, 2011

I Just Wanna Dance With You

When I was growing up, Saturday was the day we cleaned. My mom would put on some "cleaning music" and we would start working.

By-the-way, we were the only kids on the planet that had to do that or at least that's what I remember telling my mom. She didn't care that she was breaking the child labor laws, she made us clean anyway!

Over the weekend, I turned into my mom. I turned on the cleaning music and insisted that everyone that was home had to help clean our messy, messy house.

The music of choice was George Strait. There he was singing his heart out while I folded laundry. Gary looked over to ask me a question and noticed big crocodile tears falling down my face. I said "Can't you just see Lori and Steve dancing in the kitchen?!"

I cried for a few minutes while I thought about my sister and how much I miss her. Gary assured me that I would see them dancing again one day.

Then the song that they danced to came on. Carson agreed to be my dance partner.

I just wanna dance with you...twirl you all around the floor...

And, like magic, the sadness disappeared. My cute little dance partner laughed as he twirled me all around the floor. He healed my aching heart and put a new memory in it's place.

Friday, October 7, 2011

I Do These Things So That Others Can Learn From My Mishaps

Every now and again, I can convince Carson that he is tired and wants to rest. Our conversation usually goes something like this:

Me: Let's rest for a minute.
Carson: No fweep (sleep)
Me: Okay...let's just be quiet for a minute.
Carson: No fweep
Me: Pleeeeaaasssseee?!!!
Carson: No fweep
Me: If I ignore him, he will fall asleep from boredom
Carson: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz......
Emily: throws the front door open and yells "I'M HOOOMMMMMMMME!
Me: sigh...

Sometimes, despite Emily's plot to keep the entire state of Texas awake, Carson is sooo tired that he sleeps through her greeting and takes an extra long nap. That happened the other day and at 5pm I was trying to wake him up so he wouldn't be up all night. He was too tired to wake up but then I noticed that the bed...my bed...was wet. I practically dragged him out by his feet so I could save the mattress from utter destruction. Luckily, although he might not agree, it was Gary's side of the bed :)

After I got Carson in the bathtub and put the sheets in the washer, I pulled out the green machine (carpet cleaner) and went to work on the mattress. It did a pretty good job although sometimes I think I might catch a whiff of odor but Gary says I have the best smeller on the planet so it might just be me. He thinks it's fine, I think it might be time to look into getting a new mattress. The good thing for Gary, though, is I hate going shopping so we will probably just live with it.

Anyway...sometimes when I use the carpet cleaner it takes me a few days to clean it out. Today I decided it must be done. I took the container of dirty water off and was walking to the bathroom to dump it in the toilet. In my head, it had a cap on it that you had to take off before you dumped it out. So I turned it over to look for the cap and dumped urine water on my legs, feet, floor, walls...everywhere but where I wanted it to go. Oops!

So, here are a few helpful tips:

The green machine carpet cleaner does not have a cap on the dirty water container so don't turn it upside down until you get to the place you are going to dump it.

Maybe make sure your child goes potty BEFORE he climbs into your bed to fweep!

Dumping urine water everywhere is a great way to motivate yourself to clean those dirty floors.

I hope you find those tips useful. You're welcome!

Monday, October 3, 2011

13 Things For A 13 Year Old


Look at those eyes! Those cheeks! I love this girl!


Emily turned 13 on Sunday so in honor of her cross over into teenagerhood I give you 13 things about Emily.

1. She is the only one of my children to have stitches...twice. When she was almost 4, she was jumping between beds in her room and missed the mattress. She hit her leg on the metal frame and split her shin wide open. I was 20 months pregnant (or maybe it just seemed like that) with Carson at the time and had to carry her into the hospital on top of my bulging belly.
When they numbed her leg, she screamed louder than I've ever heard anyone scream . It was traumatic for both of us. Right after they finished she was up running around. It took me hours to recuperate. The second time she slipped on the ladder of a water slide and her tooth went through her mouth just below her bottom lip as she slid down past the kids climbing up the ladder. Every time she smiled their was a gaping hole where there shouldn't be. This time I spent the whole time in the hospital with my head between my knees and the nurse asking ME if I was okay. She was happy as a clam!

2. Sometimes she can be a little too chatty.

3. I have been introduced to a lot of people by her. Over the years she has asked to go to her friend's house and if I didn't know them I would tell her that I had to meet the parents first. Many a time have I gone to the front door to be met by a stranger that had been dragged to the door by two little girls that just wanted to play together. She would look at me with those big hazel eyes and say "this is my friend's mom...now that you have met her can I go play?" No...not awkward...at all. :)

4. She loves to sing. She was asked to sing a duet with her friend at a talent show when she was very little. At the last minute her friend decided there were too many people there. She got up and sang it anyway. So brave!

5. She has a soft spot in her heart for people with special needs. They are some of her favorites at school and church. She changed elementary schools so she could go to school with Carson because she wanted to be able to keep an eye on him and keep him safe. She would get off the bus in the morning and go straight to the special needs classroom. She just loves them and looks past their disability. She is in Partners In PE at school and loves it!

6. She is the only person in our family that likes to be the center of attention. She's also the only person in our family brave enough to act in a play...in front of tons of people!

7. She was the cause of the entire Oviedo, FL police department being dispatched to our house when she went missing one day. She had slipped out the gate, gone and chatted with all the neighbors and then knocked on the door of her friend's house to play. When the mom asked if I knew where she was she said "yes" and went inside to watch a movie. It took us an hour to find her. It was the longest hour of my life. I still have the image of her being carried by my kind neighbor who searched and searched until he found his little friend. She had a look on her face like "is all this fuss for me?"

8. She is a very gifted artist. She loves drawing and painting.

9. When she was little, I would look outside and see her sitting on the swing eating something. When I asked where she got it from she would say "Mr. Wayne and Miss Danielle." She would sneak out, go next door, and ask them for a snack. They always gave her one and then she would come back home and happily eat while swinging.

10. She cannot keep her room clean to save her life but then neither can I.

11. She loves to read.

12. She plays the viola in the orchestra.

13. She loves to tell very detailed stories about her day. If we are busy and try to stop her, she asks us to let her finish first. She is very persistent.

So, there you go...13 things about our Emily. We love you very much Miss Emily and are thankful you joined our family 13 years ago.

Happy Birthday!

You're BEAST!

Conversation on the way to high school this morning.

Kinsey: That guy's in beast mode.
Me: What?!
Kinsey: That guy's in beast mode.
Me: ?!? What does that mean?
Kinsey: (slightly rolling her eyes) That means awesome!
Me: It does? Since when?

I started looking around for the guy she was talking about and see an ordinary teenager standing on the side of the road. Assuming that she is talking about him, I ask why he is so "beast."

Kinsey rolls her eyes again and said she was reading the bumper sticker on the bright green car that just drove by.

Oh, I guess I was too busy paying attention to the ordinary teenager because I missed the car.

I did what any hip and groovy mother would do and said "Kinsey, you're beast!"

Her eyes rolled out of her head and onto the floor.

Just about that time we pulled into the school and I turned around to Jared (who had missed the entire conversation because he had his earbuds in) and said "Jared, you're beast!"

Kinsey said (just slightly loud enough for me to hear), "I'm kind of sorry I ever said anything."

Jared said "Moooommmm, you can't say things like that! That's what teenagers say!"

When all is said and done, I want my children to remember that I was with it so, as I was pulling away, I rolled down the window and yelled "Kinsey, YOU'RE BEAST!!!"

She acted like she had no clue who I was.

Kids these days.

They get embarrassed so easily!

Friday, September 30, 2011

What Would Anna Do?

A few weeks ago I was driving my son to a birthday party. On that Saturday I wanted to crawl into a corner and die. I was mad at my husband for sitting around watching football, I was mad at myself for not getting up and doing something. I was tired of having trials. I was tired of being sad. I was just plain tired!

I had thoughts of running away. My family would be better off. I was dispensable. As these thoughts and others equally as pitiful ran through my head, I drove past Anna's house. I saw her face and thought about her trials and wondered "what would Anna do?"

I met Anna when we moved to Texas four years ago. She always had a smile on her face. One day I was standing in the hallway at church waiting to talk to one of my church leaders. She was also waiting to talk to him so we started talking about how things were going. She asked how my children were coping with the move. They were having a hard time and missed their friends. She told me how much she hoped they would start to feel better soon. She found out my family was waiting in the car for me and so she told me to go first to meet with my leader. I found out later that her family was waiting too.

One day at a scout meeting, I saw her limping. I came home and told my husband that I thought she might have some health issues. I found out later that she had cancer in her leg. At the time, I had a sister battling breast cancer. She told me that she was praying for my sister. We talked about different treatments they were thinking about doing. She had been inspired to eat a healthier diet and had encouraged her family to do the same.

My sister died a few months later and the day that I found out, Anna and her husband brought over flowers and a card. She wanted me to have comfort and to know that someone was thinking about me. She told me that we would be in her prayers. I still have her card because it brought me so much peace.

Anna left a short time after that to start on a treatment that would hopefully be able to save her leg but they had to amputate. I followed her progress on her blog. She was always so inspiring. She did not let losing a leg stop her from doing things or for serving others. Just like my sister, her cancer kept coming back and spreading. I worried for her and hoped that her outcome would be better.

As I thought about Anna on that Saturday, I thought about sending her a note to ask her how she remained so strong in the face of such adversity. I wanted to tell her how much she had inspired me and that even though she wasn't here anymore that she had made a difference in my life. I kept putting off sending that note.

Last night I found out that Anna lost her battle with cancer and I regretted not sending it. As I was looking at her pictures and notes from friends on Facebook I got the answer to "what would Anna do?"

Anna would testify of Christ through her talent of singing, she would let her family know that she loved them by cleaning out the pumpkins for her family so they could carve them for Halloween, she would play duets on the piano because her daughter loved to do that, she would spend time with her sisters even though she had chemo that day, she would make you feel like you were the most important friend in her life.

Now I know what Anna would do so what am I going to do about it? What will I change in my life to be more like Anna? As I thought about that, I got out of bed and cleaned the kitchen. I fixed a shirt for my daughter. I ate a few vegetables at lunch time (I wonder if Anna liked peas? Eating healthier is going to be a tough one). I stayed up late to listen to my kids tell me all about the football game and how the half time show went. I taught my daughter how to do a butt flop (something that was popular when I was in color guard which was called flag corp way back in the day). I snapped my fingers and sang "Fever" while being silly with my kids. I knelt down to pray with my husband when I was feeling offended. I practiced a song on the piano that I will play in church one day even though it terrifies me. I will smile more and remember to be grateful for all the blessings that I have. I will be more patient and not so quick to be offended. I will tell my family that I love them and how proud I am of them. I will serve others cheerfully and with a willing heart.

I will be more like the Savior because I know that that is what Anna would do.

Monday, August 1, 2011

I Don't Want to Sit Down

I can't sit still when I get bad news.

My husband should know this and yet he told me to sit down.

He had just talked to the doctor about our son's blood test results. I was hoping for the standard "you're out of your mind and worry too much, Shanon" and instead was told that they were waiting for us at Dell Children's hospital emergency room.

It all started with a search on Google. My son was losing weight. I noticed the weight loss and had a nagging feeling that something wasn't right. I was hoping it was the scout camps and pioneer Trek that he had been on.

I made my son get on the scales. He rolled his eyes at me and complained. He had lost 16 pounds in 6 weeks! I interrogated him. Are you trying to lose weight? Has anyone said anything to you about your weight? Are you feeling sick? Are you taking drugs (I was talking over-the-counter)? Are you making yourself throw up? He rolled his eyes at me again and said "moommm...I don't have an eating disorder! Throwing up is gross! I eat all the time! And NO...I'm not doing drugs!!!"

Wait...why did he mention drugs?

"Moommmmm....doing drugs is stupid!!!"

He also had "fruity" breath. It wasn't bad breath...just an odd fruity smell. The only other thing he said was that he was thirsty and going to the bathroom a lot.

So I googled it and came up with a diagnosis that scared me. This was on a Friday night. We were supposed to leave for vacation on Sunday. I told my husband my fears and said that I didn't think we should go on our vacation until we took him to a doctor. Gary is an eternal optimist. He doesn't worry about things until he needs to. This was on his list of "I'll worry about this when we get back."

I didn't feel like we could wait until we got back but I pulled the "FINE! You hold the priesthood so I'll trust you" card. He absolutely loves it when I do that! Not really...I think it kind of annoys him. I thought we decided we would wait until we got back. He thought we decided that we would take him to the doctor to ease my fears but boy was it going to set us back a few hours.

What we had was a lack of communication!

I went to bed feeling uneasy while he started snoring as soon as his head hit the pillow.

Does anyone else feel the need to smack their husband when that happens or is it just me?!

Sorry...what was I saying?!

Oh, yeah, we went to sleep. I had a dream. We were camping and something happened to my kids. I don't really remember all the details except that I was being yelled at by my bishop. He was telling me that I had been entrusted to take care of my children. I had the power to receive inspiration on their behalf even though I don't hold the priesthood! I was crying and he was just so annoyed with me! I woke up feeling like my life was about to change.

Gary woke up a few minutes after that and felt like it was really important to get Jared to the doctor before we left. So he took Jared at 8am when the office opened. When he got there the receptionist told him that he had to have an appointment and said she would see if they had anything available. Wouldn't you know it?! They had an 8:10 am opening!

Gary told the doctor that I was worried about diabetes. She asked him if he was as worried as I was and he said that he wasn't. The doctor said he seemed healthy but they would do some blood work and try to get it rushed so we could go on our vacation without worrying. Jared came home complaining about all the blood that they had taken. I told Gary about my dream and cried.

We were walking into the library when Gary's phone rang. I took Carson inside while he talked to the doctor.

Then he came in and told me to sit down. The doctor told him that his wife was right...how often does that happen?! I would do a victory dance except I really didn't want to be right this time. I didn't want the doctor to tell me that my son has Type 1 Diabetes.

I was really hoping for a "you are going to drive yourself crazy with all your worrying" lecture.

We headed home from the library to get ready to go the the emergency room. I always think that when you are told to go to the ER that you should hurry. Gary decided that would be a good time to have a shower. While I was pacing around the house, I called my parents to let them know that we didn't know if or when we would be able to meet them at Lake Powell (our kids were so sad about this).

While I was talking to my mom, Gary came out of the bathroom....STILL UNSHOWERED!...to tell me to tell my mom that they were worried about diabetic ketoacidosis (DKA). He didn't bother to share that information with me. I looked it up. DKA is a medical emergency and without treatment it can lead to death! Then he walks ever so slowly back to the bathroom to have a leisurely shower!

I just want you to know that when I eventually lose my mind (oh...it's going to happen...any day now) that he will be the cause.

We made it to the hospital in time. He did not die. He does have Type 1 Diabetes. He is doing a great job managing it and doing his own shots, checking his blood sugars, and counting his carbs. He hasn't complained at all about not eating sugar. We all had to learn how to give him his shots but he prefers to do it himself because my hands shake too much.

Jared didn't mind staying in the hospital. They gave him a really cool bed. He wanted to bring it home with him but we had to leave it. He also had his Ipod so he could listen to Weird Al sing a song about his pancreas...ha ha, get it?! They told him he could go on his vacation as soon as he got rid of all the ketones in his urine. I have never seen a kid drink so much fluid! He was a boy on a mission I tell ya'. It took longer than they thought it would and I was teasing him that even his ketones were stubborn! He eventually got them under control so we were able to go on our vacation.

I am handling the news by going into denial and only eating sugar. I think that is a pretty mature way to handle the situation. Don't you?! My sugar choice at the moment is Pretzel M&Ms...just in case you want to contribute to my mental health fund.

I'm not sure how much more summer fun I can handle.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Bad To The Bone

A few weeks ago, I decided that I was tired of being good. I told Gary that I was going to start living a life of crime and partying.

After giving me his standard "it's good to be good" speech, he showed me how concerned he was with my announcement by telling a joke. It was a bad joke...trust me on this. If you have to know, though, just ask him about the three guys in a jail cell. I'm sure he won't mind telling it again.

Anyway...he started making fun of me by giving me suggestions on ways to be a criminal. I told him that this was no laughing matter and proved it to him by committing my first crime. I cut the tags off of my mattress and pillows! So there!

He was shocked!

Right after that, we went on a little anniversary trip to California. While we were there we decided to go to a national park to see the redwoods. I picked up a pine cone and put it in my pocket so I could show the kids. When we got back home, I found out that you aren't supposed to take those from the park. Ha ha! My second crime! I could say that I didn't know that I wasn't supposed to take it, but really...isn't that what all criminals say?

I wanted to jump off the Golden Gate bridge because there was a sign that said "No jumping off the bridge" or some such nonsense, but Gary refused to stop and let me out. Then I tried to abandon my children but Gary threatened to call security if I refused to leave the hotel. As for the partying, I decided to go all crazy while I was on vacation. I ordered hot chocolate...with whipped cream! More than once!

You don't even know me anymore, do you?!

When we got home, I tried to be good, but then the air conditioner broke, the dishwasher broke, the car ended up in the shop, school got out....

Really?! Does it pay to be good?!

Then, last night, I snapped! I was headed out the door to take someone home and Gary said "drive safe!" I told him I was going to drive like a maniac just to spite him and did a little swervy thing after I pulled out of the driveway. When I got home, I stole half of Carson's Pop-Tart. I told myself he wouldn't miss it....he wouldn't know any better!

Can you believe how rebellious I am?!

This morning we were running late to camp and I couldn't think about anything except the fact that I hate running late. I was going too fast and got pulled over by the police officer that was just waiting for crazy moms of cub scouts that were driving too fast. Carson was sooo excited to meet the police!

I got my very first speeding ticket!

I've never gotten a ticket.

I could barely sign the ticket my hands were shaking so much!

I did what any self-respecting hardened criminal would do. I came home, called my husband and then I cried. Not teeny-tiny tears but big bucket loads of tears. Gary told me it was okay, we would take care of it...he still loves me! He even brought me flowers to help me feel better!

I don't know if I'm cut out for a life of crime and partying! What do you think? Am I too far gone? Do you think my next crime will be more serious? Maybe I won't be able to control myself and I'll rob a bank or something!

It's hard work being a partying criminal especially when you hate getting in trouble!

Oh, and is there anyone out there that wants to adopt a reformed hardened criminal?

I'm pretty sure my parents will disown me after they hear about this! My dad's a retired police officer who raised me to always obey the law and I disobeyed my mom by typing the h word...hate...twice!

They will be so ashamed!

Sunday, April 17, 2011

A Special Delivery From Heavenly Father



One night before Kinsey was born, Gary was at a church meeting and got the distinct impression that the baby that I was carrying would be a girl. He came home and told me that he knew Heavenly Father was sending me someone special and that we would be friends.

On April 17, 1995 this cute girl joined our family. She has been my sassy little defender for as long as I can remember. Gary was right. Heavenly Father did send me someone special.

I love you, Kinsey Elizabeth. Happy 16th birthday!

Saturday, April 16, 2011

What Would You Do?

Suppose you were part of a small group of people in charge of an activity for children ages 3 - 11.

Suppose you had a child who finds pleasure in hiding from you while you are helping to be in charge of said activity.

Suppose child hides with lightening speed and you can't locate him for several minutes.

Suppose this child has special needs and doesn't understand that running into the street is not a good idea.

Suppose that several more minutes go by while you are frantically looking for this child.

Suppose after getting frantic you start crying because you have lost your child and wander through the halls of the church bawling.

Suppose several people saw this and started to help you look for him.

Suppose these people found him in the most likely of places...the egg hunt...because duh! that's the first place you should look.

Suppose you had already looked there twice.

Suppose this caused you to look stupid along with having red eyes from crying.

What would you do?

I have decided to hide in my house and never go to church again.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

It seems like yesterday...



Happy Birthday, Christopher James. I love you!

Friday, April 8, 2011

Parenting at it's finest

Last night I NEEDED a bite of chocolate chip cookie dough so I went to get it out of the fridge.

IT WAS GONE!!!

I immediately went crazy and started blaming everyone in the family all the while knowing in my heart of hearts who had done it.

I told Gary that I bet the bowl was up in Jared's room so I marched up the stairs (cue the stomping music). I asked Jared where the cookie dough was and he pulled the empty bowl out from under the chair in his room. I started smacking him as he said "what...it was MY cookie dough."

He followed me down the stairs (cue the angry stomping music) telling me how it was HIS cookie dough because HE had made it. I kindly pointed out that he used OUR ingredients...the ones that WE had paid for. Jared has never learned when to keep his mouth shut so he said "You mean the ingredients that DAD paid for!"

Did you hear it? Did you hear the screech in the background music? Did you hear all the birds and crickets quit chirping at the exact second that he said "that DAD paid for"?!

I gave him the "I quit working outside of the home the day Chris was born and maybe I haven't gotten a paycheck in the last nineteen years but don't you dare say that I haven't worked and that the money that Dad makes is not mine just as much as it is his" lecture!

Like I said, Jared has not learned when to shut his mouth so he just kept going with the "but it's Dad's money" line. I glared at Gary and he finally spoke up and told Jared to apologize to his mom.

"Soorrryyyy, Mom" as his eyes rolled around in his head.

I smacked him again, called him a male chauvinist pig, and told him he better change his thinking if he ever wanted a wife!

Then I put myself in time-out!

Now, I need some chocolate!

Thursday, March 31, 2011

I hope they call me on a mission...


Chris got his mission call today! He is going to the Argentina Buenos Aires North mission. He goes into the MTC August 17.
This is what some of our friends had to say:

Jesse Duncan: Congratulations, Warburtons! Exciting.

Carolyn Nielson: Yay!!! So exciting!


Gail Westcott: What a blessing it is to serve a mission. Tell Chris the Westcott's say congratulations.


Rachael Klinker: Very nice!


Darla Scoles: The Scoles say congratulations too!!!! How exciting!


Sheyenne Alvarez: How exciting!


Annie Werneking: Very exciting! Congratulations!


Rebecca Cothran: Congratulations!!


Karin Salisbury: Congratulations!!!! What a great blessing!!!


Anna Davies: Happy time for all of you! Good job, Mom and Dad (and Chris)!


Tabetha Roan: That is so cool!


Debbie Pratt: Woohoo! Spanish speaking, right?


Judy Bowden: Yeah!!! We are so happy to hear that Chris goes to Argentina. I'm sure he'll do a great job!


Rose Gaertner: Congratulations!!!!


Jenifer Hopkinson Smullin: Yay!!!!! Congrats! That is very exciting!


Tianna Sahim: Congratulations...He will be a great missionary.


Judy Wolter: That's so exciting. Now you can focus your worries to one country instead of the entire world! :)


Cynthia McCloskey: How exciting for him and your family! Congrats...


Kirsten Schwendiman: Definitely exciting! Congratulations from the Schwendimans. :)


Carol Dawson: WOW!!!!! How cool! Ceth comes home in July! Longest 2 years of my life!!!!!!!! But what a wonderful man he has become! Chris will be AWESOME! Tell him the Dawson fishing/hunting clan said "Fishers of men...REEL 'EM IN BABY!!!!"


MyLinda Butterworth: That is wonderful. I can't believe Chris is old enough to go on a mission already. I remember when he was getting baptized.


Lisa Peart: My sister went there. How exciting!

Stephanie Tietjen: How exciting!!! I've heard that Buenos Aires is a beautiful city. I think you and Gary had better get passports for your 20th anniversary. :-)


Jan Swanson: Oh my goodness!!! YAY and congratulations! That will be a tremendous blessing to those in Argentina, as well as to Chris.


Thanks everyone! It's a Spanish speaking mission. I've already looked up the murder rate in Argentina, what kind of natural disasters occur there, where he should go in case of a tsunami, what part of town he should avoid at night and what kind of fevers I should worry about...Dengue and yellow. Oh, and no one guessed Argentina so I will have to pay my own psychiatric bills. :)

Robin Mierzejewski: TOO FUNNY! He's going to be fine. My sister went to Argentina and she is still kickin'. :-)

Holly Azbill Garcia: My baby bro was at that mission....plus my niece is there now. So awesome!! Congrats guys.


Jathon Strauss: Congratulations Shannon! That is the same mission I served in, Buenos Aires North. I loved it and would be happy to answer any questions you can't find on the internet:)


Alta Batterman: That's great! He'll do just fine. The Lord will be with him!


Rebecca Bautista Cothran: Just think you have another country to visit now..Don't worry too much, the Lord protects his missionaries.


Audra Olsen: Yea!!! Congradulations!!! Shannon, you are hilarious!!!


Brandy Griffin Fox: You sound like my mom. ;-D


Kori Jean Olsen: How exciting! We are so proud of him!!!!!! Congratulations!


I googled how to get from Austin, TX to Argentina...you know, just in case I have to go over there quickly and Google maps said "We could not calculate directions between Austin, TX and Argentina."
Well...what is that supposed to mean?! Can you be sent to a place that Google can not calculate directions to? How am I going to get to him if I need to?

Oh, and a few things to point out from the video:

No, Jared is not a monk...he's just wearing a blanket over his head.
Yes, Emily can be sarcastic.
No, Kinsey was not excited to be there.
Yes, I did lose 45 lbs last year...my 5 chins just did not get the memo!
Yes, it is cheesy to add "I hope they call me on a mission" music to the video but give me a break...he's my first one to go on a mission.
No, Jared did not guess Argentina...he guessed South America.
Yes, Jared did say that Gary owed him five dollars for guessing right.
Yes, Jared then changed it to ten dollars at the end of the video.
Yes, Emily called him on it!
Yes, I laugh every time I watch it.
Yes, Carson was very excited to be there because he got to see his Chris!

Oh, and yes...we are so proud of Chris!

Friday, March 11, 2011

The moral of the story....



shhhh...he'll tell you in the morning.

Monday, February 28, 2011

February - Just the Best Month EVER!

GROUNDHOGS I'm not sure how much wisdom there is in letting a furry creature decide how long the winter will be but he said that winter is over and I'm all for that! Spring has sprung here in Texas and the gloom and doom that settled over me in October has up and left. I love spring!! Thank you Punxsutawney Phil.

LOVE Valentine's Day. The holiday for lovers.

Okay...I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

Lover...that word makes my skin crawl.

The holiday for love. That's better!

I gave Gary my Valentine/birthday wish list.

Kindle: I love to read but I am going blind (not really, I'm being over-dramatic...I'm just getting old). I haven't read a book in a long time because they are making the print much smaller than they used to and I can't see it!

On the Kindle you can make the print GIGANTIC so old, umm I mean blind people like me can see it.

A vinyl cutter: It cuts vinyl and other stuff I think.

Gary is the practical sort and doesn't see the need for surprises so he went to work and asked one of his co-workers about the Kindle and then called me all excited to tell me about it. He thought I would be thrilled.

I got mad at him.

I quit speaking to him.

Then, on a two hour road trip, I told him how he had ruined every single holiday for the last 20 years with his practical-ness! This is the response I got from him.

?????????????????????????

He was befuddled! Confused! Dumb-founded!

I was angry about something completely unrelated to the Kindle incident and took it out on him. For two hours. On the way to the temple. The loveliest place on earth.

I regret that. I love my husband. He deserves so much more than a mean and cranky wife!

He loves me too and he forgave me.

He's also tricky. He found the Kindle at Target and gave it to me the day before Valentine's Day. He also brought me flowers and a card. Surprise!! I really was surprised because Gary is internet-buying challenged and I thought he would say "I got you a Kindle for Valentine's Day so go ahead and order yourself one" but he found one, bought it, and put it in a gift bag with a card inside. I read the card and cried because even when I am mean he still loves me!

We celebrated Valentine's Day in style with a candlelight, Chinese take-out dinner. Candlelight dinners are always so romantic.....especially with four children. I spent most of the night saying "don't light your napkin on fire" and "quit dipping your fingers in the hot wax"! We gave each of the kids a can of refried beans and a bag of chocolate. They were ecstatic! Nothing says "I love you" like a can of beans!

PRESIDENTS My claim to fame is that I share a birthday with the first president of the United States. I always thought that was pretty cool. Gary had the day off but the kids didn't! He had a list of chores that he was planning on doing and spending time with me was not on the list. I guess I can't blame him though since spending time with me sometimes involves me getting mad at him. My birthday dinner and dessert was on his list of chores though! He spent part of his day off making food for me. Happy Birthday to good ole' George and Abe. Thanks for giving us a reason to have a day off while the kids were in school! You two are awesome!

BIRTHDAYS I have always celebrated my birthday with my sister. She liked to think of it as a birthmonth instead of just birthday! I think she also thought that it was HER month but I was here first so I insisted that she share! She could have the first two weeks and I got the last two weeks. Then we just decided to compromise and have everyone lavish us with gifts all month long! She is no longer here on earth to celebrate birthdays with me which always makes me sad. My friend stopped by on Lori's birthday to bring me a late Valentine treat. It was just a coincidence but I like to think that I was being blessed with chocolate covered strawberries and words of encouragement to help cheer me up on that sad day! Gary made stir-fry just the way I like it...no veggies, just rice and meat. He also made red velvet cupcakes in a jar with cream cheese frosting. So yummy! My friends and family helped me feel so loved. I was spoiled rotten this year. I am so grateful!

BANQUET Blue and Gold. We have once again entered into the land of Pinewood Derbys and Blue and Gold Banquets. Carson loves Cub Scouts. This year's theme was Cowboys and Indians. His den did a skit. Scene: Cowboys on one side shooting guns at the Indians, Indians on the other side shooting arrows at the cowboys. Just at the point that things are getting pretty scary, in walks the hero (Carson) who throws his hands out and says "BOP" (which is "STOP" in Carson-ese) and then he said "let's be friends!" The cowboys and Indians see the error of their ways, they put their arms around each other and walk off into the sunset. Cue the applause! So cute!

I will spare you the details of what happened before the banquet started...let's just say it had to do with poop. My friend told me I was going to heaven. Gary is not so sure about that but hey, it's my birthmonth I can dream if I want to!

Goodbye February, thanks for the memories. I look forward to seeing you again next year.

Friday, January 28, 2011

It's Your Mom!

Yesterday I called Chris.

He has been away at college since August although he did come home for three weeks for Christmas.

I have been worried about him (I can hear you now...Shanon? Worried?!) so I thought I'd just call for a minute to give him a pep talk. I stink at pep talks, by-the-way.

He answered the phone and I said "Hi, Chris!" He said hi back.

Then he said "who is this?!"

Gary says he didn't recognize me because my voice sounds different. I have a cold. A cold that I got after I ate spinach and healthy chicken noodle soup with carrots, onions, and celery. I also exercised last week.

Things I have learned this week:

(1) my son doesn't remember who I am.
(2) exercise and vegetables will cause you to take to your death bed.
(3) my husband will not use his sick days to stay home to take care of me
(4) Lifetime movies are the cheesiest....I could act better than that
(5) sometimes I miss cable TV
(6) mammograms hurt like the dickens
(7) having a pelvic ultrasound is no picnic ("you want to stick that wand where?!")
(8) pap smears aren't that fun either
(9) having 5 kids does bad things to a bladder (drink lots of water and hold it for over an hour?!--see #7)
(10) my ovaries did not explode
(11) all my tests came back normal (hooray for that)
(12) the pain I have been having is psychosomatic (just ask my husband)
(13) I might be a bit cranky

Some good things happened this week too, but right now I'm having a pity party and focusing on the positive would kind of mess with my plan to wallow in my misery. I know...that's so unusual for me...to focus on the negative!

If my father-in-law were here he would tell me that what I need is a good cup o' tea.

Well...back to my sick bed I go. There are several cheesy Lifetime movies I haven't seen yet.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

The Sky Is Falling

Gary and I were driving home and got stopped at a red light underneath the toll road. I heard the cars driving over us.

Me: "I hope the road doesn't collapse."
Gary: "That would be bad...very bad!"
Me: "That thought never crossed your mind, did it?"
Gary: "Nope."
Me: "See what it's like to live in my head?"
Gary: "You do have a knack for worrying!"

Then the light changed. Phew! That was a close one.



See...it happens ALL THE TIME!

Thursday, January 6, 2011

I don't have curly hair

I have this friend on Facebook.

She reads my blog, tells me I am funny and thinks I should write a book. She says she would even buy my book. I like this friend. She is very good for my ego and so so nice.

One day she said that she always knew I would be a good mom. My husband asked me who she was.

I told him, "I don't know and it's driving me crazy."

I have wracked my brain for the last year trying to figure out who she is. I thought maybe she was a friend from school but somehow I got the impression that she was younger than me. Then one day I noticed that she was a mutual friend of a good friend of mine from Florida. Someone I met after I was married and had children who is an awesome school teacher. So I thought that maybe she was a teacher. I have been going through my memory bank (which is sorely lacking in "funds") trying to remember all of the teachers we have had through the years. I was going to ask my friend to give me a hint. Secretly, of course, so that no one ever found out what a bad memory I had.

Then today my friend on facebook wrote this on my wall:

Shanon, just saw your post......thanks for your humor (can so relate to it) & here's wishing you & yours a very safe, happy & healthy New Year! *toasting* Look forward to reading your "works of art" this year (when's that book coming out?)!


See why I love her so much?!

Then our mutual friend wrote this on my wall (or her wall, I'm not sure):

Hi Gwen! How do you know my friend Shannon? What a small world we live in!!!


This was her response:

The wonders of "Quill" (ha!)....I used to look forward to seeing her when she was outta school & would come work there....good times while working. I just remember loads of curly hair, great sense of humor, lots of laughter....most peeps at Quill were really great :-)

I googled Quill (see I use google all the time!) I tried to remember what Quill was and when I worked there?! Then the light bulb came on.

Oh, my good friend Gwen. You have been a mystery to me for a while now. I finally figured it out.

I don't know you!

I love you though. Thank you for all of your nice compliments. They have really brightened my day on many occasions! Can we still be friends?!

Monday, January 3, 2011

Who Needs Cleaning



I put away all the Christmas decorations last week. I decided that the mantle was kind of sad and lonely without all the Santas and I was bored with what was up there before so I went looking for something new. This is what I came up with. It took me ALL day! I polled the family to see what they thought.

Kinsey: It looks great now leave it alone and take me shopping.
Chris: I think it looks too crowded. (I said who asked you? Now go away until you have something nice to say!)
Jared: I like the duck! Now can I go back to my game?!
Gary: Hey.....I like it, but I liked the 2000 other ways you had it too.
Emily: she was gone
Carson: Did you say something? I'm too busy watching Despicable Me for the millionth time.

I have made them pause throughout the week to ooh and ahh over it. I can't tell you how thrilled they are!

So, what do you think? Now, when I ask what you think, I really want you to just tell me how wonderful it is. Okay?!