Friday, July 23, 2010

A Peek Inside My Head

I always have strange thoughts running through my head. It's a good thing I'm quiet or people would think I am crazy. Sometimes, I start to write a post and never finish it. These are some of the posts I've started in the last few months. Remember, it's not nice to judge!

Facing My Fears. That's all I wrote...just a title. I think it was about driving to the dentist. The roads here in Texas are tall. They have 3-4 roads stacked on top of each other. Every time I go to the dentist I have to go on the very top road. Every time I go on that very top road I think how easy it would be to drive right over the edge. There is only a 2 foot concrete wall keeping me from driving to my death and I'm not even suicidal! Think about if I was. That wall does not comfort me one little bit. One day I drove to the dentist without thinking about falling to my death. Now that's progress! My mom thinks I should quit going to the dentist.

My husband is trying to kill me. Tonight I decided to play the piano while I waited for the slowest kid on the planet to get ready to go to a friend's house. I was supposed to leave to get Kinsey from youth night so I asked slow kid to hurry. I was in the middle of playing a song that I have been practicing on the piano so I told him we would leave when I finished. Just as I got to the ff part of the song...the big finish...my husband comes up behind me and yells "SHANON, IT'S 8:23. DON'T YOU NEED TO LEAVE?" I'm not kidding...his hands were cupped around his mouth and he was screaming! I think my heart stopped beating for a few seconds. I still can't play that part of the song without twitching.

No Title. My jaw hurts. Really bad. A constant ache that does not go away even when I take 800 mg of ibuprofen. I went back to the dentist today so he could see what was wrong. He still thinks it's because I clench my teeth. I think it's because he shot my nerve and it's mad. Either way, I would really like for someone to chop my head off or maybe shoot me. A month later and it still hurts, but only sometimes. I have sworn off ibuprofen though because I'm pretty sure I have some horrible liver disease.

Four Eyes. Back in December, I took all of my children to the eye doctor. Emily was really hoping that she would need glasses, but in a cruel twist of fate, she has 20/20 vision. A couple months after her appointment she started reading lots. She had her nose in a book all the time. I had to make her go outside to play. I am sooooo mean! She also started saying that she couldn't see the board at school. She told everyone she met that she couldn't see far away. I had moms and teachers from both school and church asking me if I knew that she couldn't see. I had my suspicions that she really just wanted glasses so I kept putting it off. Then Gary decided to take matters in his own hands and make an appointment for her. Turns out...I was right! She still has 20/20 vision. Thankfully the doctor gave her a good lecture on telling the truth and how awful bad vision is once you get over the coolness of glasses. My daughter is a good...ummm...non-truth teller. If only my husband had listened to my mother's intuition. He could have saved that $29. I would NEVER say "I told you so" though because that would not be nice.

No Title.


I'm not sure why I had a picture of my feet on my blog, but there you go. My feet. Funny story. At least I can laugh about it now...on a good day. In junior high (that's what 8th-9th grade was called waaay back when) I had a melt down one morning before school (actually it happened regularly because I hated school). I was crying uncontrollably when my mom came in to see why I was so upset. With tears streaming down my face I pointed to my feet and said "myyyyy feeettt aarrrreee uuuggggleeee!" I don't remember what she said but I think her standard response was "you are beautiful...do you need to stay home from school today?" My mom had the same hatred of school that I had so she let me stay home a lot. She's nice that way. I love my mom! I make my kids go to school even when they are sick. I am mean that way. In all fairness, though, I've been crazy for a long time. My kids are pretty normal...I think.

Did You Know? Ummm....obviously, I didn't know either because that's all I wrote. Weird!

The People in the Audience Are Screaming At Me. Long story short, I was invited to go see Twilight. I haven't read the books or seen the movies so I hesitated, but thought it would be nice to get out of my chair so I said yes. My plan was to rent the movies and watch them before I went. The day of the big Girl's Night Out I still hadn't seen the movies so Kinsey and I went to Blockbuster to rent them. We searched all over for those movies but couldn't find them so we asked for help. Then the employee searched all over and finally found them right in front of our face. I went to pay for them and my credit card was denied so I gave them another one and that one was denied too! Then she took my card and walked to the other side of the desk to make a phone call! I was thinking that the police were going to come and I was going to be arrested for stealing my own credit card. I was starting to panic when she said "okay, it will go through later tonight" When I asked her why my credit cards were denied she said all calm like "oh, our system is messed up." There I was a stressed out puddle on the floor! As I was walking to the car I told Kinsey that the audience watching my life movie was screaming at me. "Don't watch those movies!" I couldn't watch them...after all, I've seen a suspenseful movie before! I'm not dumb enough to go in there! Yeah....I couldn't watch Lost either. I was so stressed by the end of each hour that I had a headache. Wimp!

So there you go. A peek inside my head. Scary, isn't it?! I was just telling someone yesterday that my anxiety was all under control. I didn't need that darn anti-anxiety medicine. After reading my thoughts from the last few months, I'm starting to wonder. What do you think? Oh, never mind, don't answer that!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Don't Do It!

I took Kinsey to the airport today. She is headed to Florida to visit friends and frolic on the oily beaches. As you can see she is very sad to be going.



Oh...who am I kidding...she couldn't get out of here fast enough!



As we were pulling into the airport, I told her that I didn't feel good about her going so she was just going to have to cancel her trip. She said "no way mom, I'm not going to let that audience* in your head keep me from going to Florida." Darn kid sure is getting sassy!

I let her go, but I didn't want to. A word of advice to my friend (Kristi) who is deathly afraid of flying: try to get over it before your kids are able to fly on their own. It is much harder to put your kids on the flying death trap than it is to put yourself on one. Trust me on this!

*You know the audience that screams "don't go in there" at all suspenseful movies! I have one in my head that tells me not to watch Twilight movies and to never do anything scary!

Monday, July 12, 2010

You're Not Old, Ma'am

I took my daughter and her friend shopping today. She was looking for some shorts...preferably some that were more than an inch below her fanny. We went into the local teeny bopper store and started looking around. I picked up a pair of shorts that were long enough but had a golf ball size hole in each pant leg right below the front pockets. I was giving them a disapproving look when she sarcastically gasped and said "show some skin?" I said something like "watch it little missy or I'll take you home right now and give you a modesty lesson!" Yes...I said "little missy."

I am not a shopper. I like to get in and get out, but my daughter likes to take her time. I browsed through the clothing quickly and decided that I was too old to wear the flowered leggings and printed t-shirts that were being sold there. About that time, an employee asked if he could help me, ma'am? Yes, he called me ma'am.

I was finished browsing so I found a bench to sit on while they looked around and tried things on. The songs playing on the radio were about being 15 and hating everything. I sat and wondered when I had gotten so old. Just about that time I glanced over to see a pair of pink and black undies with a teeny tiny bow on the back. It made me wonder when they started putting bows on the backside instead of the front. Yes, I needed to sit down and ponder the placement of bows.

After a few minutes, she was ready for me to pay for her shorts...the ones without the holes. I declined when the employee asked if I'd like to purchase their perfume. Perfume gives me a headache. Yes, I said headache.

As I was walking to the door a different employee asked me if I was finding everything ma'am. I said "yes". I was waiting by the door when he said "you look like you are ready to leave." I told him that his store made me feel very old. He told me that I was not old and they had clothes for everyone. I told him he just called me ma'am, that makes me old. He assured me that he calls everyone ma'am. As we were leaving, he made a point of calling my daughter and her friend ma'am. No, I don't believe he calls everyone ma'am.

Tomorrow I will start looking for support hose and a cane. At least I still have my teeth!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

It's Great To Be







Carson's birthday is Friday. He had some visitors come over to welcome him into cub scouts. He enjoyed talking to them. He told them all about his family and Spongebob. He showed them how to shoot hoops. He taught them some sign language. He charmed them and was a perfect gentleman. They pulled out the donuts and he screamed for joy. He loves donuts! Then they had to leave so he walked them to the door and said "thank you". After they left, he ran into the kitchen and ate his eight!