A few weeks before Christmas my ovaries exploded. Or my kidneys were failing. Or I had stomach cancer. Or uterine cancer. Or I had colon cancer, they would have to remove it and I would have to wear one of those bags on the outside of my body that catches all my pee and p....
Anyway...you get the idea. I was dying. Oh and I get all my information from google!
I don't like to die quietly so I kept moaning and groaning and complaining to Gary. Every night I would tell him that I would probably die in my sleep (and I may have said something like "HA HA! it serves you right!") He finally suggested that maybe I should go to the doctor. "What?! I can't go to the doctor! It's two weeks before Christmas!" He obviously was not getting my point.
You know why I couldn't go to the doctor, don't you?!
Anyone that listens to Christmas songs knows why you don't go to the doctor right before Christmas. If I went to the doctor, he would tell me that I was dying. Then I would take a turn for the worse and on Christmas Eve, my children would be in a store looking for red Christmas shoes so I would be pretty to meet Jesus and they wouldn't have enough money to pay for them so they would have to beg a grumpy person to help. Of course, his heart would be softened (which I guess is good) and he would pay the difference. The grumpy man would go home and write a song about the experience and my kids would get home just in time to put the shoes on my feet before I kicked the bucket.
AND...
every year after that they would burst into tears every time they heard that song about someone being missing this Christmas!
I just couldn't do that to them!
SO...
instead, I whined all during Christmas break. I still haven't gone to the doctor and I still am dying.
OR...
it might be that I hurt my back when I hauled all of the Christmas decorations down from the attic.
Hopefully, I will be around next Christmas. I doubt it, though, because did you hear the latest?!
I'm dying.
BUT....
at least I'm not dying on Christmas Eve!
3 comments:
I'm glad you survived through Christmas! But I think you are out of luck, it doesn't matter what holiday or season or day when you finally kick the can, it will be a very sad, sad day. I hope you know some people with talent who can immortalize you:-) Because I know I sure couldn't, you would end up with a strange karoake song with the lyrics changed or something.
Ha!Ha!Ha! Not because you're dying (that would be sad), but because you likened your death to that horrid (I hope you don't really like it) Christmas song. Our family is in the habit of making terrible fun of that song. I think Chris and I might even send my brother and his wife the Lifetime movie about that song next Christmas as a gag gift!
Ummmm not a chance. Your not that lucky. I love you and Im sure you'll be here next Christmas.
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