Parenting at it's finest

Last night I NEEDED a bite of chocolate chip cookie dough so I went to get it out of the fridge.

IT WAS GONE!!!

I immediately went crazy and started blaming everyone in the family all the while knowing in my heart of hearts who had done it.

I told Gary that I bet the bowl was up in Jared's room so I marched up the stairs (cue the stomping music). I asked Jared where the cookie dough was and he pulled the empty bowl out from under the chair in his room. I started smacking him as he said "what...it was MY cookie dough."

He followed me down the stairs (cue the angry stomping music) telling me how it was HIS cookie dough because HE had made it. I kindly pointed out that he used OUR ingredients...the ones that WE had paid for. Jared has never learned when to keep his mouth shut so he said "You mean the ingredients that DAD paid for!"

Did you hear it? Did you hear the screech in the background music? Did you hear all the birds and crickets quit chirping at the exact second that he said "that DAD paid for"?!

I gave him the "I quit working outside of the home the day Chris was born and maybe I haven't gotten a paycheck in the last nineteen years but don't you dare say that I haven't worked and that the money that Dad makes is not mine just as much as it is his" lecture!

Like I said, Jared has not learned when to shut his mouth so he just kept going with the "but it's Dad's money" line. I glared at Gary and he finally spoke up and told Jared to apologize to his mom.

"Soorrryyyy, Mom" as his eyes rolled around in his head.

I smacked him again, called him a male chauvinist pig, and told him he better change his thinking if he ever wanted a wife!

Then I put myself in time-out!

Now, I need some chocolate!