You've Come A Long Way, Baby

My mom is amazing. She worked full-time (8 to 5) as a judicial assistant the entire time I was growing up. She always had her weekly menu planned out and would go grocery shopping on her lunch break. She came home from work and made dinner - it was always on the table by 6:00 because that's when my dad had his dinner break. At night she would stay up late sewing clothes for her three girls (she made most of our clothes). She always had a project going on whether it was making a quilt, decorating a room, painting furniture, making Christmas ornaments, etc. She made sure we all had piano lessons and every night stood in the kitchen (which was in the middle of the house) while a TV was going in one room (usually the news), the piano was going in another room, and one of us was talking to her. Every summer we would pack up the car and camper and head off to a new destination for three weeks to a month. We always camped and she made dinner every night even when we were on the road. We joke that she had the same can of Spam the whole time we were growing up. She would say all we had left for dinner was Spam and my dad would take us out to dinner. She probably still has that can of Spam (yuck!) She never sits just to sit, she is always working on something...hand quilting, scrapbooking, sewing. She made Easter dresses for us that matched and we usually had a hat and white gloves (when we were little). She still makes Easter and Christmas dresses for all the grand-daughters in the family (except when my sister was really sick). As you can tell I had a lot of expectations and big shoes to fill when I became a mom.

In 1992 I became a mom for the first time. I was really on top of things back then. I went on playdates, had a weekly menu, went to the grocery store, had social events with all of our friends, went on dates with my husband, had a clean house, took a painting class, played with Chris, sewed and helped Gary remodel a kitchen and laundry/bathroom. I'll be the perfect mom, just like my mom I thought.

In 1995 I became a mom to two children. I was still pretty much on top of things. I went on playdates, tried to do a weekly menu, went grocery shopping, had a few friends we did things socially with, watched a lot of Barney, and still painted. I even entered a craft show. I sewed my kids halloween costumes and made a lot of dresses for Kinsey. One Sunday I decided she needed a new dress for church so I started making one that morning (afternoon church). I finished it with a few minutes to spare and got her all dressed and her hair fixed pretty. We got in the car and she sat on a melted red crayon. It was everywhere! Needless, to say her new dress was ruined. I started crying and then she started crying. We went inside, changed her clothes and were late for church. I think we both cried all the way there. How did my mom do it?

In 1996 I became a mom to three children. I still did a lot of things like playdates and grocery shopping, tried to do atleast 4 nights of a menu, had 1 friend that I went shopping with a few times a month, still watched lots of Barney and still painted. I spent alot of time trying to convince Jared that it was okay to eat something besides mashed potatoes. I also spent alot of time cleaning up food that he threw at me. I made halloween costumes, but usually the morning of the community halloween festival, telling myself that next year I would not wait until the last minute. They still had to be homemade though, because that's what a good mother did. That darn perfectionist gene.

In 1998 I became a mom to four children. We did playdates, but only a few times and I usually spent the whole time trying to convince Jared that it was fun to sit in a stroller instead of having mom chase him everywhere (I know, what a bad mom). I took the three youngest to the grocery store one day while Chris was at preschool. I had one walking, one in the front of the cart, and the baby in the back. I had no room for groceries (this was before the gigantic car carts). I came home and told Gary he would have to do the grocery shopping from now on. Luckily, he agreed. I tried to make a few dresses for my girls, and remember making flower costumes for them on halloween (Emily was 3 weeks old). I sat there gluing little flowers all over a hood for a three week old! I remember very little from that time, I know I was there because I have pictures, but don't ask me any details! My little perfect world was starting to crumble around me. The laundry wasn't getting done, we ate lots of mac and cheese for dinner, the house was a mess and I was losing my mind.

In 2002 I became a mom to five children. We went to the hospital expecting a healthy little boy and came home with a baby with Down Syndrome, a heart condition, and possible hearing loss. The diagnosis rocked our world and we had to adjust to a new normal. This mostly consisted of therapy appointments several times a week, lots of doctor appointments and a file with the department of children and family services because they were the ones providing services for Carson. I spent alot of time reading books, looking at websites, and going to support groups that I never thought I would be a part of. There was no time for playdates, we were lucky if we had anything in the kitchen to fix for dinner (not because of finances, but time), Gary was working long hours, I quit doing projects like sewing and painting and my other children were growing up way too fast! My mom retired at this time, hoping to be able to come and help us with therapy appointments and four other children. Unfortunately, my sister was diagnosed with breast cancer soon after and my mom spent the next 5 1/2 years helping her youngest daughter cope with two small children and a terminal illness.

In the seventeen years that I have had children, I have lowered my expectations of myself drastically. I know that there is no such thing as a perfect mom, we all make mistakes and try our best to do a little better each day. I have learned that it's okay to have cereal or pancakes for dinner, that clothes purchased at a store are okay, playdates are fun but you can't go to them all, you should still try to do crafts but only if you enjoy it, that it's important to date your spouse and for heaven's sake buy those halloween costumes (or better yet, have them come up with something from home using their imagination). I've learned that children grow up way too fast so you should take time to play with them. Laundry will just get dirty again and you will get to it when you get to it. I've learned that Down Syndrome is not the end of the world, but the beginning of an exciting and rewarding journey. I have learned that it is okay that I don't do things the same way my mom did. Our circumstances are different. We are different people with different strengths and weaknesses. My mom does amazing things, but I don't have to do the same things to be a great mom.

Last week, Kinsey needed an orphan costume for her dance class. I went to the store and bought fabric, a pattern and all I needed to make the costume. I was sitting at the table trying to change the pattern to fit her and realized that the perfectionist in me was coming out again. We decided to use an old skirt and sew patches on it, we found an old shirt, and she put her hair in pigtales. A perfect orphan costumes if you ask me. It took about fifteen minutes to complete. As we finished, I sighed with relief and thought:

YOU'VE COME A LONG WAY, BABY!!!